The Sanctioning of Victimhood

[vco]

As I am new here, i felt I would start off with victimhood.We live in a culture of victimhood, and people who define themselves by it are often abusive themselves. I grew up in such an environment, but I refuse to be cruel to others.There must be a way to end this cycle. You can't be a victor when you're a victim of someone else, or your circumstances.Many cultures and even organizations such as education, government and religion cater to the mentality of victimhood, and foster it in order for a few to gain power over the many.If you are not rich, you are a victim of the rich.If you are overweight you are a victim of fast food companies.If you are a woman who is married to a terrible husband, you are a victim of men.So on, into infinity.Is there a way to deal with this problem? No, not if you treat the symptoms, as politicians, experts and others claim they can fix.The only way to fix this problem is to teach people that they are responsible for themselves, and any vulnerable people in their care, like children.

There must be a way to get more people out of the "victim of ____" mindset.

[Devon Gibbons]

The way is therapy and self-knowledge. If you are interested in taking responsibility, others around you will be inspired to do the same.

[dsayers]

We live in a culture of victimhood, and people who define themselves by it are often abusive themselves. I grew up in such an environment, but I refuse to be cruel to others.

 

How do you refuse to be abusive towards others having been abused yourself? If you cannot answer that, then you too are merely managing the symptoms. If you can answer that, then you know the answer of how to overcome this (self-knowledge).

[vco]

How do you refuse to be abusive towards others having been abused yourself? If you cannot answer that, then you too are merely managing the symptoms. If you can answer that, then you know the answer of how to overcome this (self-knowledge).

The main reason is, I, and other members of my species are born with Natural Rights. I have empathy, because other people are (usually) intelligent and emotional creatures as well. I do not enjoy being hurt or dealing with the aftermath, so for that reason I will not hurt others.I also will not expect another person to do something I have not done, or would not be willing to do for the very same reason.I also will not harm others, because so much more can be gained by all by either leaving other people alone or by treating people well. It does requires more conscious effort to do so, but savage brutality sprung from emotional unthought usually leads to evil.I also will not willingly stay around negative people or situations. Life is too short to choose misery. Short-term misery is sometimes not a choice, but long-term misery, and destroying other people because you choose long-term misery is.This is why abusive people are not forgivable- they choose to sacrifice others because of their own fear and self-centeredness. They'd rather enable suffering out of certainty, than take a risk to do better. Nearly anyone CAN do better.I will not be violent because other people were violent to me, but I will defend myself, and that is why I was so harshly treated. I've had more understanding and empathy than others have, and I will not obey because someone says so. I have no right to harm another person to get what I want. To get what I want I either have to do it myself or come to agreement with others.Force is only justified in self-defense or to defend people you value.I will not compound my own suffering by inflicting suffering upon others. 

[dsayers]

I will not be violent because other people were violent to me

 

But if people were violent towards you during your formative years, you don't have the ability to just blindly decide to not be violent.

 

Like your first post, I think you're just talking about managing symptoms without addressing the problem. This might be why you appear to be blind towards how we overcome the victim mentality.

[vco]

But if people were violent towards you during your formative years, you don't have the ability to just blindly decide to not be violent.

 

Like your first post, I think you're just talking about managing symptoms without addressing the problem. This might be why you appear to be blind towards how we overcome the victim mentality.

It's been a process over a very long period of time. Many years of hard work. Hard work which I have to do every single day for the rest of my life if I want to have a fulfilling life, instead of one of fear and brutality.That is the main reason I don't have as much empathy as I could for people who choose not to do the same thing, especially if they are a parent or plan on being one. Life is far too short to spend a great deal of time and energy deal with baggage that doesn't have to exist in the first place if the people who raised you had chosen to work on themselves. I have empathy for suffering and pain, but I don't have much for people unwilling to attempt anything. I am aware that some situations are unchangeable, but for many people they can do better or at least try.Before I was 12 or 13 or so, I trusted my parents blindly, as most children do. 

As a teenager, I began to think more like an adult, and noticed the differences between people who were happy and prosperous and my highly dysfunctional family. I had learned to think for myself both on my own, and from adults who facilitated it. It also was a result of having to be "normal" outside of my family.As I did not learn positive values and behavior at home, I had to learn it from others.Some of that awareness had to do with getting acceptance and support from other adults who had genuine empathy, but not getting it at home, as well as receiving acceptance from peers but not getting it at home.I saw what support and self-esteem could do for people, and what being self-centered and fear-filled did for people.Because I had the courage to speak out against my parents, and could see through their lies, cowardice, and manipulation because I had seen positive attitudes, and behavior, I was severely mistreated for being "difficult".I didn't know it then, but the lack of incongruence between what they said, their proposed values, and their actions was a lack of integrity. Something which the parents of many of my peers possessed. This is likely why it was so terrible, and why I was bullied for it.I saw reality, and it was not pretty.