Canoe_Captain Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 My Philosophical Online Dating Checklist - Feedback Is Encouraged This list represents my map to decide whom I should send a message on dating sites like OKcupid. Desirable Profile Photos Indicating a happy childhood and ability to communicate effectively: · Genuine, happy face expressions. ----------------------------- This is my unprofessional, scientifically unverified theory of genuine photo smiles: -A photo of a genuine smile indicates a happy childhood.- Let’s imagine someone who grew up in an environment that preyed on his/her expression of any emotion. She/he would develop a defense strategy to hide his/her emotions. This person would experience that her/his expression of his/her friendly happiness is strongly associated with parents getting angry when seeing joy and bullies pulling her/him down to their emotional level of unhappiness. Thus this person would have a deeply ingrained tendency to hide emotions and thus has difficulty to genuinely show happiness. Furthermore this person would feel uncomfortable uploading photos which openly display his/her positive emotions. I therefore conclude that a genuine smile/ laugh indicates a person who is comfortable to express emotions. It’s also likely that the genuine smile is related with a higher probability for this person to having already achieved the ability to actively and openly communicate all thoughts and emotions with a trusted friend (read the free book Real-Time Relationships by Stefan for more information on communication). Persons with a profile photo without emotional expression who become aware of their ingrained and unconscious "automatic anti-smile protection" and work extensively on their self-knowledge will then probably also more often display a genuine smile. ----------------------------- Indicating healthy habits: · Photos shot outdoors Indicating a social life: · Photos taken by a second person Undesirable Profile Photos Indicating low self-esteem: · Photos showing several piercings and tattoos, too much make-up · Photos pushing too hard to display physical attractiveness by showing a lot of skin, cleavage, muscles · Photos that do not clearly show the face of the person (I interpret this as defense mechanism towards being judged) Indicating low empathy: · Photos that do not clearly show the face of the person or the main/first profile photo showing several persons at once (I interpret that as inability to embrace and understand the needs of profile visitors) Desirable occupations: Introduced to the scientific method: · Chemical Engineer, Physician, Biologist etc. Relatively far removed from state influence (legislation etc.) and thus more experienced with free markets: · Veterinarian, photographer, private detective etc. Encouraged and taught to gain more self-knowledge: · Psychologist, psychotherapist Some understanding of childhood development and psychology: · Teacher, kindergarten worker Relatively great exposure to undesirable effects of statist systems (thus likely understanding critique of the statist system) and encouraged to think on their own: · Entrepreneur Undesirable occupations: Relatively heavily state influenced branches: · Public state media, justice system, public state education, bureaucracy administration enforcers, politics, military Desirable Hobbies Indicating developed social skills: · Volleyball, soccer etc., meeting friends etc. Indicating developed self-esteem: · Dancing, singing etc. Indicating interest in self-knowledge: · Psychology, philosophy Desirable Favorite Books: Indicating critical thinking skills: · Animal Farm, 1984, books by your favorite philosopher(s) Desirable Age: An age that is equivalent to your own emotional age will help to relate with your future partner: If you had a difficult childhood your emotional growth has very likely been slowed during your childhood and adolescence. Your biological age might be 28, but your emotional age might be for example 24. So possible partners with a biological age around 24 years are probably the best fit for you. As far as I know listening to FDR and therapy do not help to close the gap between emotional age and biological age. The gap seems to stay with you. (It is assumed that on average a person with a biological age of 24 has the emotional age of 24.) Specific advice for OKcupid: You can use the advanced search feature to look for keywords in profiles like: Stefan Molyneux Stephan Molyneux Freedomain Radio Tuning your algorithm to FDR’s frequency: If you answer a sufficient amount (700 or more) of “match questions” and then sort your matches by “match %” you will be able to filter for persons with a similar perspective on life, similar amounts of self-knowledge and critical thinking ability. I recommend to only answer OKcupid “match questions” that carry philosophical implications and/or are important to you, otherwise your results might get skewed. I for example skipped the following questions which I find unphilosophical and personally unimportant: · “How many live plants do you have in your home?” · “Before people find out your real age, what do they usually assume?” · “How many pillows do you sleep with at night?” Furthermore you can simultaneously filter for Atheists. Skimming for matches: When you have tuned your OKcupid algorithm to FDR’s frequency you can now skim for the most philosophical matches. Visit the profiles with the highest percentage matches and rate them with 5 stars. I visited and rated ca. 500 profiles. I skipped profiles with an unappealing profile photo. In the following weeks and days some of those 500 matches checked out my profile and a subset rated my profile with 4 and 5 stars. OKcupid notifies you when you and your match both rate yourself 4 or 5 stars respectively. You have now access to a group of matches that are tuned to FDR’s frequency and like your profile. OKcupid had allegedly 30 million active users in 2013. (Source:http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10421148/OkCupid-review-is-it-the-best-dating-site-for-men.html)
Wuzzums Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Your analysis reminded me of this: http://i.imgur.com/8Unxk.jpg I myself have zero experience at online dating, but I always wondered how true that guide is.
Wesley Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 For anyone interested in what a genuine smile is vs a masking smile, it come down to the eyes: Just for curiosity, is there a certain number of things they need? Like if they have everything else on the checklist but they don't have pictures outdoors and they have second ear piercings does that disqualify them? I am curious where that line is.
Melesina Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 The focus of your checklist is in determining who to initially reach out to with a message; however, to take it a step further, I'd enjoy hearing what your recommendations are for deciphering the messages you receive. What criteria do you use to determine what their greeting tells you about them? For anyone interested in what a genuine smile is vs a masking smile, it come down to the eyes: Wes, your post had me curious for more information, so I googled the image and found the article. If anyone else is interested in reading the article, the link is: http://modernbachelorlifestyle.com/smile-for-happier-lifestyle/ Personally, I hadn't been aware of how to spot whether a smile is genuine or not. It's good to know what to look for. Thanks, Wes.
Canoe_Captain Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 The focus of your checklist is in determining who to initially reach out to with a message; however, to take it a step further, I'd enjoy hearing what your recommendations are for deciphering the messages you receive. What criteria do you use to determine what their greeting tells you about them? Her greetings usually merely tell me that she wants to greet me. The style and the subtext of the greeting is almost always very similar to the subtext and style of her profile. § If her message contains superficial questions, the author may want to wait with the serious questions till the second date. I respect that. § If her message is very informal and contains some errors, the author may be a very communicative person, who is intelligent but not detail oriented. I can accept that. § If her message is only three sentences long she might try to answer all the messages she gets from everybody. She seems to have problems with setting her priorities, but as long as she seems like an intelligent person on the first date that is acceptable to me. § If it takes her 5 days to reply, that might be due to her busy schedule. This is a red flag for me, that I would address at the first date. If she does not have time to send messages, does she have enough time for a relationship? § If she sends messages during work hours it might indicate that she is bored at work, which also might hint at a larger problem. § If she sends regularly messages at 3AM that might as well indicate that she has a larger hidden problem. As soon as I have decided to message somebody, she has already passed 90% of my internal quality-checks regarding our online interaction. The time between me initiating the first messages and the first date is about me passing her quality checks. Metrics of online communication involvement I use the following metrics to measure the involvement and balance of interest in my written online dating conversations: · Time to reply · Length of message · Quality of error-proofing · Quality of layout · Quality of wording I think it is advantageous to mirror those metrics at least during the first few messages to make your conversation partner feel comfortable.
Canoe_Captain Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Just for curiosity, is there a certain number of things they need? Like if they have everything else on the checklist but they don't have pictures outdoors and they have second ear piercings does that disqualify them? I am curious where that line is. I am not a slave to my checklist. If she has three piercings in one ear and I have a positive gut feeling, I still send her a message. I assume that my gut feelings incorporate all my conscious and unconscious knowledge and experiences. So ideally I only need to think or read about the checklist once in my life and my stomach feelings will still incorporate it, as long as it is relevant.
nathanm Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Your criteria is great, how wide are you casting your net? Cause my suspicion is that you're going to have to go country-wide with that. I could be wrong.
Canoe_Captain Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 Your criteria is great, how wide are you casting your net? Cause my suspicion is that you're going to have to go country-wide with that. I could be wrong. In order to have perfect conditions I cast my net worldwide. But if it depends on how high somebodies standards are. The woman with an 80% match lives 15 miles afar while the 96% match might live 500 miles afar.
Melesina Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Her greetings usually merely tell me that she wants to greet me. The style and the subtext of the greeting is almost always very similar to the subtext and style of her profile. Johannes, Thank you for responding to my inquiry. Using the online dating venue has been something I consider retrying from time to time; however, my past experiences have thus far deterred me from pursuing it further. It's interesting to see a method of fine-tuning the results and nearly makes me consider giving it another try. I'll give it some more thought, once my schedule permits more personal time. I look forward to seeing any further additions to your checklist. Your criteria is great, how wide are you casting your net? Cause my suspicion is that you're going to have to go country-wide with that. I could be wrong. For the brief time I tried okCupid, my results of finding anyone over an 80% match were well outside of a 'let's meet for a date' geographical range and would have required consideration of a long-distance relationship. Unfortunately, a large percentage of those turned out to also be spammers.
nathanm Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I gave up on online dating awhile ago. It was a nightmare. I've never felt more nihilistic as when I was doing that. Maybe things have improved nowadays, but back then it was a pile of crap. Horrible photos, completely apathetic profiles, zero creativity. It was like people were selling themselves with a $2 advertising budget. If I never hear the phrase "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual" again, it will be too soon.
Pleiades Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Howdy, There seems to be some contradictory criteria in your job descriptions. There are two relating to distance to the state as good "Relatively far removed from state influence (legislation etc.) and thus more experienced with free markets:" "Relatively great exposure to undesirable effects of statist systems (thus likely understanding critique of the statist system) and encouraged to think on their own:" But then you also list some jobs where there is heavy state intervention (and possibly some regulation, but I'm not too familiar with that): "Some understanding of childhood development and psychology: · Teacher, kindergarten worker" How do you resolve this? Or am I misinterpreting what was meant?
Canoe_Captain Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Howdy, There seems to be some contradictory criteria in your job descriptions. There are two relating to distance to the state as good "Relatively far removed from state influence (legislation etc.) and thus more experienced with free markets:" "Relatively great exposure to undesirable effects of statist systems (thus likely understanding critique of the statist system) and encouraged to think on their own:" But then you also list some jobs where there is heavy state intervention (and possibly some regulation, but I'm not too familiar with that): "Some understanding of childhood development and psychology: · Teacher, kindergarten worker" How do you resolve this? Or am I misinterpreting what was meant? Thank you for your feedback. Yes, you could call it a contradiction. I see teachers at state schools as an overlap of desirable and undesirable criteria. Teachers at a private school could still be desirable though. Contradictions are to be expected in the checklist. My philosophical dating checklist is not a philosophical argument but merely a checklist to find people that likely are open to UPB and philosophy in general.
Pleiades Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I would like someone's thoughts on this: When I see on online dating sites that someone is an Early Childhood Educator I tend to get very cautious about them. My reason behind them is that I find the education system around preparing people to enter the field is heavily influenced by liberal politics, but the more toxic kind. Is this a valid thought? Think it should make a blip on this list?
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