I'm not even sure what to title this?

[matthew321]

Hello I am new to the forum I have listened to a few podcasts and enjoyed them. I have a slightly unusal profile and I will talk, see where this goes.

 

I am now a 21 year old male Michigan, USA.

I now work as both an Emergency Medical Technician and a Firefighter.

I have had several issues whilist growing up and many of them impair me now.

 

The short version is: low self esteem to the point of an inferiority complex, small male member (yes I know what the average is and I know what micro penis is. I can look at pictures on the internet and most small ones there beat me.) I have body odor that I have yet been able to correct (I also wet the bed until 14 years old due to medical issue and my dad was a smoker so cigarette smoke gets added to the aroma), I have crooked, yellow and decaying teeth. I am 40 lbs overweight (slightly fatter than average), I do not like looking people in the eyes, I do not like attention (praise, anger, or even just looking) directed at me, I am lazy, depressed, I manipulate others in order to hide these things as best I can (I am surprised at how well I can do it), I don't tell people what I really think deep down.

I was also molested and physically abused when younger (by peers, not by family)

I have an okay relationship with my parents. They are christian and drug me to church every week and as I got older I started asking questions about it. They never gave me good answers or complete enough of an answer to be defined as a bad reply. I started lying about being sick or arrange to go to friend's houses to avoid church. They never hit me or yelled at me for not liking it or rejecting it. But they would always tell me they were doing me a favor by dragging me. My parents went to church but never read the bible at home, the most christian thing I see is my father pray before meals.

My parents promoted freedom for their children but they gave too much. I feel I was neglected and thus these problems were never noticed or even addressed.

My dad goes in one part of the house to be on his computer where he mostly amuses himself. My mother will clean the house, prepare food and go on her own computer on the second floor of the house. Throughout my childhood these two seem oddly distant for a married couple. They sleep together and I see them kiss. but for the amount of time they are both in one house they might only be together 25% of the time. The amount of time with children is even less and the amount of time they are both together with children is not even 10 minutes per day. This is not because they are busy.

We still went on vacations and other normal family things but the day to day stuff seems really weird. I even have friends who have told me that my family is really weird. I think my friends are normal but I don't have a solid enough frame of reference.

 

That is the short and concise list with no back story.

I doubt I can ever have a girl friend (I can't embrace her because of body odor, I cannot kiss her because my jacked up teeth will stab her and my mouth has odor with odd taste no matter how much dental hygeine I practice).If I had a girl friend I have no idea how we would act, I have no exposure to a normal relationship. I see movies and I have my parents' model but I don't like either. Of course that means no sex because of male member.

I have an extreme self persecusion and inferiority complex that makes interacting with others an internal struggle. I do not like eye contact but I will glance at faces once every few seonds around the eyes. I like to keep people 1 meter away from me or more, so they do not smell me. I consider others more important and I consider them "real people" while I would consider myself "broken". I am not a humble saint, this is artifical humbleness so that people are not bothered by my inequality. I am not able to function the same way in society someone who does not suffer from these problems can. I feel considering myself unequal or even a 3/5ths person is not far off, if someone were to label me as such I would not be offended.

 

So these problems are not that rare but the combination is a little more unusual. This obviously causes depression but I somehow became a firefighter/emt with these issues.

Everyone is very nice to me at my job, I do my best everyday and not once have I brought up any of this but I strongly suspect everyone thinks about it loudly.

 

 

So I realize I left out a lot of details but this is the gist of it.

Considering yourself not to be an equal person allows very odd personnnel devolopment and perception of issues. Societal trends or fashions have almost no impact on me. When I know I will probably never have children or a wife, I can take a very neutral look at things.

 

 

So I guess I would say thank you for reading and tell me what you think or ask questions.

 

If this is the wrong section then I apologize.

[ribuck]

I would like to tell you about a girl who was in the same year as me at school. She always had body odor. No-one would go near her, and she had no friends. She was fat. Other children taunted her. Her life must have been totally miserable.

 

Thirty-five years later, I attended a school reunion, and there she was. She had lost weight. She no longer had body odor. She had a lovely smile, a friendly disposition, and a wonderful personality. She was happily married with lovely children.

 

I have no idea how she turned her life around, but she's living proof that it can be done.

 

PS: I don't think your "small member" matters very much. Women always say that technique matters more than size, and you can always use your hands and/or mouth to stimulate her. Maybe you'll end up with a small-breasted woman, and you can have a laugh about your small sizes while enjoying great sex.

[Duderio]

goodbye

[Wiltin]

I'm 30 and I have braces. My teeth were making me self conscious about smiling, my parents couldn't afford braces when I was young, so I got them myself at 29 and I'm due to have them removed next month. I can't wait.

 

All of the problems you identify with yourself are solvable or irrelivent. Eat clean, exercise, respect your body and it will respond.

 

I know you have other concerns, this is just my 2 cents regarding your body image. Take care.

[Duderio]

goodbye

[matthew321]

@ribuck : I apprecaite that story. I hope I can a story like that too.

 

@Thomas K : Thanks I do appreciate your reply, honestly I am working a lot right now to save up money and try to correct these problems. However, I wonder if it is like giving someone who has been in a wheelchair for 10 years a pair of working legs with a new pair of sneakers. No idea where to go first and  lots of wobbling.

 

If you are wondering how much to fix my teeth $6,000 just getting them healthy and white enough for braces, Then $6,000-$8,000 more to straighten them with braces.

 

As for chronic body odor I have been around for that one. I have had it since I can remember. I have had no luck with modern medicine. Now I am going to try a all organic fruits/vegetable diet and just see how well it does. If it doesn't work, so what? I lose nothing (but money) I am really proficient at interacting with others while keeping my odor from bothering them. Seems like a safe gamble to me.

 

I am 40 lbs overweight but I am only "chubby" I am considered average weight. But I am exercsing regularly.

 

I know this might be surprising to hear after my initial post but I am actually considered rather good looking by women. I have been hit on many times in my life which makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. It is like "wow someone like me can be appealing to the opposite sex" then the next thought "but as soon as she gets within a meter of me she will smell me or see my bad teeth and I hope she never learns about my small penis"

 

So I do not look people in the eyes as that initiates people getting close you, which I try to be courteous and avoid, I HATE being near people with bad odors so I totally get it. Sucks but I have done this all my life so I don't know different, seriously no idea what it is like to casually sit next to a stranger on a bus and not worry or have someone sit next to you and wonder if they don't move out of politeness. With every cough, sniffle, nose itch you wonder if your personnel body odor is causing it or if it is just coincidence. When you know a shower and a change of clothes won't remove the odor for the other person it cuts deep and causes much worry. I have no idea what it is like to not wonder about that constantly.

 

However most people think I am being humble or really selfless with most of my misunderstood mannerisms. My goals are to have minimal interaction and to avoid my presence bothing you. I am not a nice person just trying to be considerate and would rather not have to explain I have a embarrsing medical problems.

 

I hope one day I can acheive what I see everyone else around me has, straight white teeth and personel scents that are refreshing. Honestly if I could just acheive physical results I would be thrilled. I will require years of talking and therapy to be at the mental state where a relationship, children could even be thought of as positive or healthy for me and the other person as well.

 

 

I do appreciate the feedback. If it goes well I will post results.

[Stoic_Dreamer]

The combination of extreme isolation- emotionally and physically, as well as sexual and physical abuse early in life can be absolutely devastating.   Without significant psychological intervention these traumas just build on each other in adulthood. There are a couple physical things that you can do to alleviate some suffering but until you work with a therapist quite a bit of them will just revert back to stasis because emotional and mental health most often will dictate physical health.  Poor hygiene, diet, etc. is also pretty typical of those who have been molested in youth because it is unconsciously a way of defending yourself from further abuse.  If I had actual advice it would be to seek out a decent therapist to work with you.

 

With the physical stuff there are a couple ideas that come to mind.  Like you already mentioned- changing diet can reduce weight and the amount of sweat or other odor that might occur.  Weight loss can be really tricky as you get older.  I found the documentary 'Forks over Knives' to be helpful in changing my personal eating habits.  There are also medical prescription deodorants and antiperspirants if you don't have them already.  One idea I've found useful in the past is to shave all of your body hair from neck to knees off.  Pubic/pit/ass hair in particular can cause quite a bit of odor, especially in the summer. 

 

You mentioned your father smoking, do you smoke at all? That behavior doesn't help with breath or teeth color.  Chewing sugarless gum constantly can help reduce bad breath. I can't tell you what is worth spending money on but I personally would invest money in fixing my teeth, even if it costs me over $14,000. Ideally teeth are with you for the long-haul.  It isn't a cosmetic/artificial/frivolous investment to take care of your mouth.

 

In the realm of sexual relations it might be better to put that off until after you have been working with a therapist for awhile.  When we are emotionally unwell we can make really harmful decisions that are not in our long-term interest.  If that is something you find that cannot be deferred than there are quite a few women who have a firefighter fetish- the thought of you putting out fires literally makes them wet.  There are also quite a few women who have a small/tight vagina where sex with a larger penis is highly uncomfortable/painful.  My former neighbor/woman I went to school with is that way.  The physical stuff can be a source of insecurity, but it doesn't have to be.

 

I'm sorry that you are suffering right now and that you did as a child.  Your childhood sounds incredibly painful, neglect in some ways can be more harmful than physical abuse- unfortunately between your parents and peers you suffered the gambit of abuse.  Be kind to yourself and seek out a therapist to work with you. Keep us in the loop and take care.

Nick