Leevan Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I'm a psychopath. I lack empathy and sympathy. I find manipulating others to be endlessly gratifying, and over the years I've become skilled at it. Conducting a symphony of events into a climactic conclusion is an experience with no parallel. Wielding control over others allows me to experience emotional echoes, and these (personally) rare perceptions can, I suppose, be equated to flashes of lightning on a dark night. They allow me to briefly get an idea of what it is to 'feel'. It's quite addicting and destructive; and, as a result, I tend to have a habit of exploiting people. I've recognized the unhealthy impact my personality disorder has on my life and society in general. I don't know how to change. I don't think I can change. I think, whatever makes me the way I am, is neurological. While intellectually I understand the psychopathy is bad, I cannot seem to rid myself of it. I've decided that the best course of action is to live a life isolated from as many people as possible. This tactic is not at all appealing, but I see no other logical route. I assume that this board is comprised of deep thinkers. Does anyone see a better solution? What should society do with its defanged monsters?
DFPercush Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Firstly, you have my respect for having the guts to publicly speak about your issues and ask for help. I would be careful about berating yourself too harshly though. Without specifics it's hard to objectively gauge where you fit on the spectrum. People always criticize themselves harder. You say you can't change, but you've already taken the first step toward doing so, which is identifying the problem. What made you have this epiphany? Maybe you saw or experienced something, an emotion that's been missing from your life? Or was it a matter of rationally evaluating your behavior as undesirable? Empathy is a language, and some people just aren't taught to speak it. But the last thing you need is to crawl in a hole and wither. A change of scenery might be in order, like surrounding yourself with people who speak this new language. Peers have the ability to bring out the best and the worst in us. I don't want to say too much, because all I have to go on are abstractions. I mean, "manipulating a symphony of events" taken out of context is morally neutral. Any position of leadership involves that. I don't know whether you're talking about playing pranks, breaking up relationships, causing physical harm or what. I mean, if it's illegal you might want to talk to a lawyer and not us, but what did you do that was so awful? Come in the chat some time, there are some real pros in there. I think talking about it interactively would help, because you don't get as much of a chance to run away with a thought before people check you on it.
Tyler Durden Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Okay, can you answer these 10 yes or no questions and tell me your final score: http://www.acestudy.org/yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/ACE_Calculator-English.127143712.pdf Who do you like manipulating most? Are there people that you find too boring to manipulate? In what way do you manipulate people? Do you feel like they deserve what they get, if so, why?
cynicist Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I find it hard to believe that you are a psychopath. If you lack sympathy, then why would you be concerned about your impact on others? This isn't a criticism, but a good thing. You aren't the only one who has done regrettable things in the past. I've been manipulative myself. The important thing is that we can learn and improve. You are quick to say that your 'condition' is neurological, but what was your history like growing up? Many of the worst kinds of monsters (not that you are one by any means) have pretty awful histories, lending credence to the idea that they are not born, but shaped through their experiences. The fact that you are posting here tells me that your situation is not a foregone conclusion like you are claiming it to be.
Leevan Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 I find it hard to believe that you are a psychopath. If you lack sympathy, then why would you be concerned about your impact on others? This isn't a criticism, but a good thing. You aren't the only one who has done regrettable things in the past. I've been manipulative myself. The important thing is that we can learn and improve. You are quick to say that your 'condition' is neurological, but what was your history like growing up? Many of the worst kinds of monsters (not that you are one by any means) have pretty awful histories, lending credence to the idea that they are not born, but shaped through their experiences. The fact that you are posting here tells me that your situation is not a foregone conclusion like you are claiming it to be. I'm not concerned about my impact on others. I've grown to recognize my actions' futility. Okay, can you answer these 10 yes or no questions and tell me your final score: http://www.acestudy.org/yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/ACE_Calculator-English.127143712.pdf Who do you like manipulating most? Are there people that you find too boring to manipulate? In what way do you manipulate people? Do you feel like they deserve what they get, if so, why? Everyone. No, it's all a game. I do whatever I can as long as I can until the person is either gone or fails to respond to my actions. I don't care who deserves what. It has nothing to do with anyone else. I do it for me. Firstly, you have my respect for having the guts to publicly speak about your issues and ask for help. I would be careful about berating yourself too harshly though. Without specifics it's hard to objectively gauge where you fit on the spectrum. People always criticize themselves harder. You say you can't change, but you've already taken the first step toward doing so, which is identifying the problem. What made you have this epiphany? Maybe you saw or experienced something, an emotion that's been missing from your life? Or was it a matter of rationally evaluating your behavior as undesirable? Empathy is a language, and some people just aren't taught to speak it. But the last thing you need is to crawl in a hole and wither. A change of scenery might be in order, like surrounding yourself with people who speak this new language. Peers have the ability to bring out the best and the worst in us. I don't want to say too much, because all I have to go on are abstractions. I mean, "manipulating a symphony of events" taken out of context is morally neutral. Any position of leadership involves that. I don't know whether you're talking about playing pranks, breaking up relationships, causing physical harm or what. I mean, if it's illegal you might want to talk to a lawyer and not us, but what did you do that was so awful? Come in the chat some time, there are some real pros in there. I think talking about it interactively would help, because you don't get as much of a chance to run away with a thought before people check you on it. I've come to the conclusion that there is no point in it. I think I might be depressed, but I'm sure it's for the best. I know right from wrong, I just don't care. Regarding what I'm talking about--everything. I see relationships as one might see a chessboard.
cynicist Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Does anyone see a better solution? Explore the events that led you to shut down emotionally and slowly reconnect with your inner world. If you'd prefer not to talk about your history here, I understand, but in that case I'd recommend a therapist or maybe calling into the show and speaking to Stefan himself. If you don't try to figure out the reasons for your behavior then you will be condemning yourself to isolation or whatever other terrible fate you think you deserve for no damn reason. I've come to the conclusion that there is no point in it. I think I might be depressed, but I'm sure it's for the best. I know right from wrong, I just don't care. Regarding what I'm talking about--everything. I see relationships as one might see a chessboard. If it's just a game, you don't care about anyone or about being a good person, and it gives you "emotional echoes" (I assume that means some kind of thrill) then what part of it is unhealthy? I think I might be depressed, but I'm sure it's for the best. Why? You mean since it lets you avoid otherwise painful feelings?
Tyler Durden Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Everyone. No, it's all a game. I do whatever I can as long as I can until the person is either gone or fails to respond to my actions. I don't care who deserves what. It has nothing to do with anyone else. I do it for me. Thanks for the answers. You forgot the link: http://www.acestudy.org/yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/ACE_Calculator-English.127143712.pdf
RyanT Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Makes sense to seek professional opinion and treatment before labeling yourself a psychopath, and giving up entirely on growth and connection? I could be way of the mark but whenever I hear people expressing such sentiments I always get this really strong parental alter ego vibe.
meta Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I would agree with Ryan in recommending professionnal help.only if you think you can do it without manipulating the professiannal in question too much.. ;)But like you have said, you have grown, you can maybe keep on growing. Expressing yourself here definitly shows motivation. You said you don't discriminate, and manipulate everyone, does that include your family?
Canoe_Captain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Maybe this experience somehow relates to your situation: There was a time when I enjoyed manipulating my younger brother when I was ca. 5 and he was ca 3 years old. I felt, he got much more love from our mother than me. I wanted to punish him for not playing with me, thus I told him that for not cooperating, I would not give him the present of an electric car. (The electric car never existed) When he started to cry, I felt good on one side, because at least someone reacted emotionally to what I said (albeit negatively) and on the other side I felt sorry for my brother for making him sad. As far as I remember my capacity for empathy only grew stronger when I made some friends who showed empathy to me when I was ca. 16 years old.
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