Kissing Children/Siblings on the Lips?

[dsayers]

No, this is again, where you (intentionally?) misunderstand me: You said intimate does not always need to be physical. Which is a valid statement.

 

Then the matter is closed. You originally spoke about the word intimate in the context of the common misconception that it means physical contact. My pointing out that intimate doesn't mean physical was a correction of that. Which it appears you accept.

 

As for using the downvote as a weapon, I suppose I spoke out of turn in that it's not outlined anywhere (that I know of) how/when to use the voting system. I would hope in a place like this, it would be due to reasons such as somebody being dishonest, aggressive, using faulty methodology, not being open to correction, etc. You know, philosophically based motivators. As opposed to, "This guy annoys me, so I'm going to zing him not by exposing the flaws he embodies that lead to my frustration, but by zinging his rating."

 

Since you eluded to chronology, I thought I'd share that from my perspective, the first step in anything that's transpired between us began with you posting in a 3 month dead topic to say little more than "you've lost my respect." I hope that my current perception is correct. Namely that this is mostly in the past now. Or at least the non-productive, irrational aspect of it. If you'd like to continue this in private, I'd be open to that.

[MysterionMuffles]

so is my topic done? Is this thread gonna be a personal squabble about who said what and when--and oh no you di-in't!

[Wesley]

Basically, I see 3 options.

 

1. People who are uncomfortable with the idea of parents kissing children on the lips normalized their experiences of minimal affection and thus, they would need to work through their feelings and issues.

 

2. People who are comfortable with the idea of parents kissing children on the lips normalized their experiences of sexual abuse and thus, they would need to work through their feelings and issues.

 

3. Whether parents kiss children is of no relative importance and up to the individuals involved, and that both sides are introducing childhood issues into the pot and that children on average should have more affection shown to them than #1 experienced and less than #2 experienced.

 

I have no idea how to determine which option it is or if it is a mix of options or something.

 

I also have no idea how to determine what the proper level of affection is between two individuals. We all can agree that there is a point of sexual abuse and child rape, and we all can agree that a parent who ignores their child and has no interaction with them emotionally is also harming their child through neglect rather than abuse.

 

There certainly leaves an area in the middle of the acceptable ranges of affection, but I am not sure where the line is. I would tend to leave mouth kissing up to the children and parents in question, but it does seem a bit odd to me that the practice would be stopped at a certain age when it becomes not acceptable (like when puberty is reached). However, parents bathing children, breastfeeding children, and helping them go to the bathroom are other things that become rather inappropriate at older ages, so I am very not sure.

[tjt]

Interesting topic. My mom would kiss me on the lips (I'm female) but my dad wouldn't even hug me when I was a child (or an adult). If it were up to my mom, she would still be kissing me on the lips, but at some point I started dodging her so that it landed on my cheek. I still don't think she gets it because I still have to dodge her (I'm 26 now).

 

I'm having a hard time writing this next part, because I keep feeling waves of guilt for having these thoughts... but... here goes. Looking back, it's rather unfair for her to have kissed me. First, I didn't know it was optional; I felt as though that's just the way it was. Second, as a child I didn't recognize how bad my mother's health was. She has been a lifetime smoker and heavy soda drinker so you can imagine the condition of her teeth (ugh, I'm feeling really bad talking about this). As I grew older, I became more and more aware of the poor health and didn't want to get face-to-face with her. Now I see her kissing my little niece on the lips and it really bothers me.

 

However, with my other relatives, I was always freaked out and grossed out by them. Yet they would still kiss me on the lips and I absolutely hated it. But as a small child who had been raised to believe adults are superior and know what's best, I didn't have the power to say no.

 

I'd say if your kid's initiating the kissing, it's no big deal, go along with it. But if you imprint this behavior on them, step back and decipher if the kid is ok with it. Even if they are neutral about it, you might want to stop doing it.

 

 

Anyways, has anyone considered the spread of germs and disease as a reason to not kiss your children on the lips (rather than making a philosophical argument out of it)? Parent to child is pretty minimal, but you're teaching the kid that it's ok to kiss relatives on the lips. What about the spread of oral herpes or, worse, meningitis.

 

 

There certainly leaves an area in the middle of the acceptable ranges of affection, but I am not sure where the line is. I would tend to leave mouth kissing up to the children and parents in question, but it does seem a bit odd to me that the practice would be stopped at a certain age when it becomes not acceptable (like when puberty is reached). However, parents bathing children, breastfeeding children, and helping them go to the bathroom are other things that become rather inappropriate at older ages, so I am very not sure.

 

I don't know if this has any importance, but I wanted to point out that kissing is different than bathing someone, breastfeeding someone, and helping them go to the bathroom. Kissing is something you do with other adults, not just children. While the other activities are almost exclusively done with children (well except disabled folks and the elderly).

[tasmlab]

I sometimes kiss my children on the lips, especially at bed time.

 

I used to kiss my mother on the lips, even at age 63. (she's dead now, so we've cut it out)

 

I still kiss my mother-in-law on the lips.  Sometime my sister-in-laws.

 

Sometimes my friends' wives too, such as when parting from a dinner party.

 

I think kissing is a nice gesture.  As long as you're not heading to bonerville every time, I think you are OK.

 

Just a subjective opinion by a stranger on the internet.

[tjt]

I sometimes kiss my children on the lips, especially at bed time.

 

I used to kiss my mother on the lips, even at age 63. (she's dead now, so we've cut it out)

 

I still kiss my mother-in-law on the lips.  Sometime my sister-in-laws.

 

Sometimes my friends' wives too, such as when parting from a dinner party.

 

I think kissing is a nice gesture.  As long as you're not heading to bonerville every time, I think you are OK.

 

Just a subjective opinion by a stranger on the internet.

 

Haha, this is very strange to me... your mother-in-law, sisters-in-law and friends' wives. Very interesting, I'm curious to know where you are from (but I'm not asking, so don't tell if you don't want to). Like is it an East Coast thing? In my circle of friends and where I live, hugs suffice heehee.

[tasmlab]

@tjt, I grew up in the Detroit area, spent the last 20 years in the Boston area, and now live in the Charleston, SC area.

 

I don't know if it is regional.

 

When it comes to friends' wives, not every hello and goodbye gets one, and not everybody offers (including me) and too often it's my wife getting kissed and not me ;-)

[tjt]

@tjt, I grew up in the Detroit area, spent the last 20 years in the Boston area, and now live in the Charleston, SC area.

 

I don't know if it is regional.

 

When it comes to friends' wives, not every hello and goodbye gets one, and not everybody offers (including me) and too often it's my wife getting kissed and not me ;-)

 

Haha!

 

Well that's cool and very interesting, but boy I'm glad my circle doesn't try to kiss me... I'm a bit of a germaphobe. Not extreme, but I cringe when someone wants to use my chap stick or asks for a sip of my drink. Not the case with my partner, though, because I have a better awareness of where his lips have been.

[dsayers]

Couldn't it be argued that the increased exposure to germs would bolster your immune system?

[tjt]

Couldn't it be argued that the increased exposure to germs would bolster your immune system?

 

Sure, in some cases. But exposure to meningitis doesn't strengthen your immune system, rather it kills you.

 

I guess my question for you is, would you use this as a reason to kiss your kids on the lips... to expose them to germs, thereby strengthening their immune system? Then you'd have to be ok with other people putting potentially contaminated substances on your lips, as according to this theory, it's in your best interest and will bolster your immune system. What do you think?

 

Haha, I'm finding this conversation enjoyable and kind of comical! And I mean that in a good way!

 

 

Sure a completely sterile environment would probably threaten the health of a child. But kids are exposed to germs in plenty of other ways, so swapping spit with people seems like overkill to me.

 

And children's immune systems are not just built through exposure to the "bad" stuff, it's also the "good" stuff, too. For example, human's immune systems are first established when passing through the birth canal by ingesting the mother's vaginal flora. And when it ingests the mother's breast milk, it consumes more flora from her skin and antibodies which are contained in the milk. 

[dsayers]

Haha, I'm finding this conversation enjoyable and kind of comical! And I mean that in a good way!

 

Same here!

 

No, I wouldn't advocate kissing children on the lips for the sake of their immune system. I was merely trying to dissuade you from your mysophobia. Full disclosure: I'm a lifetime nail biter. So the exposure to germs being advantageous is quite possibly a position I hold out of bias.

[James Dean]

Basically, I see 3 options.

 

1. People who are uncomfortable with the idea of parents kissing children on the lips normalized their experiences of minimal affection and thus, they would need to work through their feelings and issues.

 

2. People who are comfortable with the idea of parents kissing children on the lips normalized their experiences of sexual abuse and thus, they would need to work through their feelings and issues.

 

3. Whether parents kiss children is of no relative importance and up to the individuals involved, and that both sides are introducing childhood issues into the pot and that children on average should have more affection shown to them than #1 experienced and less than #2 experienced.

 

I have no idea how to determine which option it is or if it is a mix of options or something.

 

I also have no idea how to determine what the proper level of affection is between two individuals. We all can agree that there is a point of sexual abuse and child rape, and we all can agree that a parent who ignores their child and has no interaction with them emotionally is also harming their child through neglect rather than abuse.

 

There certainly leaves an area in the middle of the acceptable ranges of affection, but I am not sure where the line is. I would tend to leave mouth kissing up to the children and parents in question, but it does seem a bit odd to me that the practice would be stopped at a certain age when it becomes not acceptable (like when puberty is reached). However, parents bathing children, breastfeeding children, and helping them go to the bathroom are other things that become rather inappropriate at older ages, so I am very not sure.

 

I'm having trouble with this concept. I don't think that molestation or sexual abuse is "too much affection" the same way rape is not "too much sex." Sexual abuse of children does not arise from parents wanting to show affection to their kids but doing it too much/in a non-approved way. If a parent kisses a child on the lips, and the child expresses a negative preference for that action, just don't do it. Like if I hugged a friend and they said, "listen, I don't mean to be rude, but hugging makes me really uncomfortable." I wouldn't have "temporarily crossed into the realm of rape" because I gave unwanted affection, or touched them in a way that could be sexual, I just apologize and remember not to hug them; problem solved.

 

Sexually molesting a child is not some excess of intimacy or affection, it does not arise from a misguided desire to be close with your child, it is a violent urge to dominate and humiliate a helpless and dependant human being. 

 

This is the way I see it. I was raised by a very affectionate father. He would always cuddle me and kiss me and make me feel safe and loved. It was one of the only things he got right as a parent. (well that and not circumcising me, woot woot for foreskin. ) I loved my dad so much I slept in the same bed with him until I was at least 11 or 12 because sleeping alone was, well, lonely! I had slept with him and my mother as a baby and toddler and it was just a nice way to be close and intimate. Is this the norm? no, I know it's not, but I needed a lot of affection as a kid because of my parent's divorce. I had a lot of anxiety around not being close with my parents and needed a lot of reassuring.

 

Stef just recently made this point about Eliot Roger, and I think it's really important; you parent the child that you have, not the child you wish you had. Children are not some homogenous tabula rasa that are all the same and all have the same needs or emotional dispositions. Children are, like the adults they will become, individual people with individual personalities and while there are simple rules (don't kick the snot out of them is a good start) you need to adjust your behavior to the kind of child you have, of course, right?

One kid might want hugs and kisses on the lips and all the fun cuddles and intimate moments you have as a parent until they are 12 and some might want to stop at 8 some at 6, you get the picture. 

 

I have also heard the premastocating argument for kissing, and I know, at least outside of Rome (those naughty Romans) in early cultures kissing was primarily a mother/child interaction; lovers showed affection by nuzzling or necking, something more biologically associated with sexuality.

 

It is important to note that kissing, hugging, sitting on a lap, bathing, nudity etc are not ​inherently sexual. People use physical actions in many ways, and a kiss, like words, can have many meanings. I kiss my partner on the cheek to express romantic love, I kiss my grandmother on the cheek as well, but to express platonic love. The meaning behnd these actions is largely arbitrary. Imagine if we lived in a culture where the primary show of platonic affection was a tongue kiss. I don't think that would be necessarily or inherently sexual as long as the person giving the action has no sexual intention, and the person receiving it is comfortable with it. You shower with a lover, and you shower with 68 year old dudes at the Y, it doesn't mean anything in and of itself. 

 

As long as the child is happy with it, I don't see the problem. Obviously there are trends and kids will want to stop at similar times. (if your kid is 16 and still wants to bathe with you, you might want to explore that with them a little more, there might be something else going on.) But I don't think you can make a case for too much affection or intimacy, especially with your child, the person who will know you better than even you know yourself, who will grow up with you, who will learn everything about life from you. If you can't be maximally intimate with that person, who can you be intimate with?

[Wesley]

Hm, I do see the distinction and I would stand corrected if it can be explained. I do agree that there is a distinction between affection and sexual abuse and affection and neglect and that they are not just "too much affection" and "too little affection" respectively. However, I do have some problems with your post.

 

Your post seems to me to mean that the only distinction between sexual abuse and affection would be "unwanted" and no one else could determine that a kiss on the lips was sexually abusive. (Feel free to correct me)

 

This would also mean that the distinction between neglect and affection would be some version of "unwanted" (though the line is less clear) and that no one else could say that a certain lack of interaction would be neglect or not. (Feel free to correct me)

 

Thus, one may have a child that is being sexually abused and has been their whole life to the point where they now "want" something to happen and feel like they are being neglected if they do not get it. This obviously would be pretty evil and abusive, and thus leaving it up solely to the child's desires when children certainly do not have the maturity or awareness to make decisions for themselves seems incomplete. They may have been abused from such an age where they did not even have the agency to make any choice, and thus only felt good in response to the act and were brought up with that idea and association.

 

Thus, it seems like there would be a line when it comes to parent and child where  one should not cross no matter what as the child cannot consent to the act, where an adult may be able to consent and may choose to consent or not.

 

Obviously, one should not cross the line of "unwanted" with a child, but it seems that there needs to be another line that is established besides the unwanted line that cannot be crossed and would be abusive.

 

I do not know where that line would be for either extreme.

[James Dean]

Your post seems to me to mean that the only distinction between sexual abuse and affection would be "unwanted" and no one else could determine that a kiss on the lips was sexually abusive. (Feel free to correct me)

 

I'm not sure of this myself, I'm just sharing my thoughts and I appreciate you walking through this with me, I hope it makes sense.

 

In a way, yes, but it's not the only factor. What's the difference between rape and sex? consent. Now, obviously, a child cannot consent to sexual acts, but are generally good at expressing preferences.

 

I think it's reasonable to say that sexual abuse or inappropriate touching must involve some act that is inherently sexual like touching the genitals OR an act in which the initiator is seeking sexual pleasure, like attempting to tongue kiss a 13 year old girl; obviously icky. I would say the nature of the acts and the intention of the actor as well as the perception and preference of the child are all important to consider; I don't think there is a hard line you can draw. 

 

I also think it's important to point out that we shouldn't use "sexual abuse" so lightly. Being forced to kiss your grandmother on the cheek might be icky and unpleasant, and it's certainly reasonable to say the parents shouldn't do that, but it's not sexual abuse. 

 

This would also mean that the distinction between neglect and affection would be some version of "unwanted" (though the line is less clear) and that no one else could say that a certain lack of interaction would be neglect or not. (Feel free to correct me)

 

again I don't really think there is this scale were at one end there's way too much affection and that's abuse and at the other end there is too little affection and that is neglect. Neglect is a reference to depriving a child of basic need, of which affection and skin-skin contact is one, but there are many others like food, shelter, safety, etc. Just like sexual abuse is a deliberate act to harm a child, neglect is a deliberate act and is not just, "whoops, i forgot to kiss little billy today before he walked to school." 

 

I also think (and this is just rank opinion, I have no research or anything to back me up, please supply hard science if you have it) that kids ask for affection instinctually, like they ask for food. Interacting with my half brothers, who are 1 and 2, they seem to ask for kisses and hugs just like they ask for food. There will be an age where they don't want that anymore, and I hope their wishes are respected, but if they were pressured to give family kisses or hugs, I don't think that means it's automatically rape.

 

If you have deprived your child of food for so long that they no longer seek it out you have deliberately starved them, and they don't really have a preference, more like scar tissue. At that point, the child should be raised by someone else. Similarly, if a child 'wants' you to perform sexually inappropriate acts on them, it's not really a preference, it's a psychological leftover from previous rape. I wouldn't confuse healthy preference for pathology. 

 

I think there are very few defined lines in parenting, a lot of it is situation specific. I think the lines for kids are pretty much the same as for adults, the NAP, but that's the only hard line I can think of. Otherwise the maxims become more vague like 'provide for their needs' or 'don't do anything harmful,' and these are universal maxims, but they are less black and white. Again, i'm an uber ameteur at talking about parenting, so please correct me, this is what I think i've been able to reason out. 

[sensedata]

I sometimes kiss my children on the lips, especially at bed time.I used to kiss my mother on the lips, even at age 63. (she's dead now, so we've cut it out)I still kiss my mother-in-law on the lips. Sometime my sister-in-laws.Sometimes my friends' wives too, such as when parting from a dinner party.I think kissing is a nice gesture. As long as you're not heading to bonerville every time, I think you are OK.Just a subjective opinion by a stranger on the internet.

I have the same experience. Growing up in the south everyone is very touchy feely. I've noticed I sometimes make people uncomfortable giving them a hug the first time we meet, I have to remember that not everyone grew up in that environment.

[Aimee]

I kiss my 5 year old on the lips. On the for head and cheek as well. I don't find it sexual by any means and I find it extremely disturbing that it could be interpreted that way. I imagine there will be a day in a year or so where he no longer wants a kiss with his hug, and I won't ask for one.

Forehead*

[tasmlab]

Whether you kiss your kids on the lips or not, it is still essential to lick your thumbs or fingers and wipe it on their face to wipe off dirt.

[MysterionMuffles]

James Dean, thank you so much for sharing about your experience with parental divorce, and sleeping next to your father. It brought me to tears when you mentioned how you need the constant reassuring. Big ups to your dad for being there for you. That is extraordinairely rare.

And you're right about parenting the child you have, not the one you want. When I used to take care of my neice, I noticed that she did not like being hugged or kissed when she was wide awake and playing. But she did require a ton of affection when she was sleepy. So much so that even after a half hour of holding her as she fell asleep, I couldn't put her down to lie on her own because she would sit up with her eyes still closed and have her arms reaching out to me. Sometimes it would take a full hour to finally let her on her own, but as soon as she got up again, she didn't like being touched.

 

After looking at my own history and all, and recognizing how needy I used to be, I knew that I couldn't use her as an affection pillow to satisfy my needs. In turn I learned to respond to her boundaries appropriately. She has an aversion to kisses because everyone in my family likes to pick her up, against her will most of the time, and kiss her. I find it disgusting especially since she clearly whines when this happens. Most of the time I'll tell these family members to put her down. It's unacceptable, the degree to which children's blatant preferences get ignored.

[Rachael]

I am 15 weeks pregnant, and I have been very curious about this topic. My parent showed zero affection. I only remember my mom hugging me twice during my whole upbringing, and my dad never hugged me. They never kissed me. I am an affectionate person; I cuddle and kiss my dog, i hug my close friends, and I snuggle my baby niece. I know I will want to hug, cuddle, and kiss my baby because I am already anxious to do so. I figured that if my child initiates a mouth kiss, I won't be weirded out by it, but I probably won't initiate it. At least, that is how I feel at this time.

 

I once had a little girl that was part of my distant family give me a kiss on my mouth. I didn't know what to think. My first thought was that I was basically a stranger to her, and it probably isn't good for her to be kissing people she doesn't know very well. I am similar to someone who previously posted a comment in that I am a bit of a germphobe..I don't share chapsticks or drinks with people unless I am dating them. I would worry that initiating mouth kissing would risk the child kissing strangers and maybe other children whose parents would not be understanding of it. I could see another parent with a child the same sex as mine getting very upset and homophobic about the children kissing. I wouldn't get upset, but I wouldn't want to put them in a position where they get scolded for being affectionate. I am totally fine with kisses on the cheek.

[NeoCortex]

I have gone trough this thread... oh my. 

 

Some sentimental personal tales tho, thanks for sharing.I don't believe that a ''peck on the lips'' from parents to children is something ''weird'' or ''disturbing'', as mentioned in this thread. Something a-sexual to both parties involved. Will in 99,99% of all cases show affection. 

I don't think that germs or sanitation arguments are valid. Mother's putting their babies pacifiers in their own mouth first, is known to be beneficial for the child's immune system. 

 

I think I should have expressed my sympathies to those who did not receive much loving parent-child contact when they were young. I am sorry to anyone who missed out on this, because I think it really is extremely important.

 

If there was anything else wrong with my previous post I would appreciate if it could be shared with me. 

 

----

 

 

Isn't the motivation to show affection and reinforce a loving bond between the adult and child? Isn't skin-to-skin contact well-known to be beneficial - something of which kisses are a small part? Perhaps this article would be of interest: http://chealth.canoe.ca/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=4220&channel_id=11&relation_id=27881

 

Does kissing have to be modeled to learn it? There seems to be some debate about that not only in this thread but among anthropologists as well. It should also be pointed out generally that kissing-type behavior is not unique to humans. Both points are addressed here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiss#Biology_and_evolution

 

 

Important imho^

[MysterionMuffles]

I am 15 weeks pregnant, and I have been very curious about this topic. My parent showed zero affection. I only remember my mom hugging me twice during my whole upbringing, and my dad never hugged me. They never kissed me. I am an affectionate person; I cuddle and kiss my dog, i hug my close friends, and I snuggle my baby niece. I know I will want to hug, cuddle, and kiss my baby because I am already anxious to do so. I figured that if my child initiates a mouth kiss, I won't be weirded out by it, but I probably won't initiate it. At least, that is how I feel at this time.I once had a little girl that was part of my distant family give me a kiss on my mouth. I didn't know what to think. My first thought was that I was basically a stranger to her, and it probably isn't good for her to be kissing people she doesn't know very well. I am similar to someone who previously posted a comment in that I am a bit of a germphobe..I don't share chapsticks or drinks with people unless I am dating them. I would worry that initiating mouth kissing would risk the child kissing strangers and maybe other children whose parents would not be understanding of it. I could see another parent with a child the same sex as mine getting very upset and homophobic about the children kissing. I wouldn't get upset, but I wouldn't want to put them in a position where they get scolded for being affectionate. I am totally fine with kisses on the cheek.

 

There's also another problem of scolding children for NOT being affectionate. Such in the case of my neice where she's told to hug and kiss almost every family member as a form of goodbye and I just find it disconcerting because I read that might set her up for exploitation in the future. Because it's a violation of her needs. What if she doesn't want to kiss the lips of that yucky aunt or uncle with the dry Sahara desert lips or the dirty skin on the cheeks? What if that family member is just strange and you're setting your kid up to kiss and hug just about anybody? It's a whole different topic, though, apart from what I originally made the thread about.

 

I can totally relate to you, though, Rachael. Having been deprived of something in childhood would cause one to seek more of it in their adult life. 

 

I do not recall any affection from any of my parents in any shape or form except for pictures before I turned 4 where I was at least held? This has made me a bit needy physically, as I do recall one of my exgirlfriends actually wanting me to spend a day not touching her as I did enjoy holding her in my arms a lot throughout the day. I'm touch deprived so when I was taking care of my neice the past two years, I was careful not to project that onto her. I learned really quick to respect her boundaries which was basically this: when she's wide awake, she doesn't like be touched, she just wants to play and have fun. It's only when she's tired where she didn't want me to let her out of my arms as she found it comforting because I would hold her with the love I would as if she was my daughter. 

 

Anyways, when it comes to kisses for my neice, I often see her get kissed or give kisses on the lips of other family members beyond her parents. My discomfort from that is kind of the reason why I posted this thread and I thank all of you for participating. I usually don't kiss her, especially when she was just born everyone would be kissing her on the cheeks. I didn't want the germs of the rest of my family passed onto me through her lol.

 

EDIT NOTE: oh it seems I already mentioned my neice's boundaries in my previous post a while ago lol but in this one there's just a bit more detail about it

Edited August 10, 2014 by Rainbow Jamz

[Luirru]

My (almost 3 year old) son and I kiss on the lips, I think nothing weird of it. My mother and I used to kiss on the lips up until she died of cancer, my grandmother until dementia/diabetes/cholesterol killed her. Growing up there was a lot of affection from the women in my family while the men were ice-cold, I think I got a handshake from my brother when I went into the Air Force. The one exception would be my maternal uncle who hugs and kisses me, which I thouroughly enjoy. I know some of you state "you cannot say it is a cultural thing" but really it is, just cultural for the family. I never felt forced to be affectionate to the women, to me it simply shows they both love and like me. I will state that my "love language" is physical though, that might play into this discussion as well.

 

All this being said, if my kid ends up not wanting to kiss me in the future I will respect his choices. That part is the most pivital in my mind, as worrying about his preferences now is a moot point. He might like kissing me so much because I like kissing him and he just wants to be like his daddy, he mimics me in so many other ways. Hopefully this helps the discussion a bit!

[xSocrates]

It's not weird, since many people don't feel kissing to be exclusively romantic. 

[DasCarly]

I was wondering this same thing a few weeks ago when I watched my friend's one and a half year old son walk up to his mother and pucker up his lips. She happily pecked him back, and then he leaned in again...and again! Three kisses on the lips? I thought nothing out of the ordinary for the first one, but the second and third struck me as odd. She said that he has attempted to kiss little girls at the park. I don't know why, but I find it weird.

 

I remember reaching an age where I no longer wanted to kiss my parents on the lips. It felt uncomfortable. It was never anything more than the occasional peck, but I knew I didn't want that anymore. Maybe that has something more to do with a lack of connection overall. If I felt safer and more comfortable with my parents, then I might have been more willing to kiss on the lips?

 

It seems inconsequential in the long run, though. A few harmless pecks to show affection to your children, a caring smooch from time to time could be a great way to communicate love in relationships. However, if it's becoming uncomfortable or even beginning to feel incestual, then I'd cut it out.

[MysterionMuffles]

What if it's just something you grow out of like sleeping in the same bed as them? That may seem weird as an adult, right? This topic and everyone's thoughts sure has opened up my perspective. 

 

DasCarly, I think you're right to know when to the draw the line where it starts to feel uncomfortable. Like a hug can be just as normal until there's excessive carressing near sexual or even on non sexual areas of the body. 

 

I wonder if this is really all an argument for different degrees of certain actions.

[FireMinstrel]

Too much forced hugging and kissing when I was younger has made me very averse to touch, with the exception of sexual acts and close friends.  Kissing is something I do to animals and significant others only.

[Josh F]

Interesting topic.  I kissed my dad and mom on the lips up until deFOO.  I relate to how gross it was when I was instructed to kiss my grandma goodbye, but I definitely didn't see anything sexual about it... she just had a gross old face with fake teeth and stuff.  

 

There is a huge cultural element.  Not only does everyone in my family kiss, but since expatriation I now live in a country where strangers kiss.  In Costa Rica you kiss your female friends.  Here in Uruguay you also kiss your male friends on the cheek.  You even kiss newly acquainted strangers on the cheek.  My friend's son, who is 3, loves to give kisses goodbye.  

 

I have a buddy back in LA though, his parents never hug or kiss him, and if I even wrap my arm around his shoulders he gets stiff and awkward.