NigelW Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Hello and thank you for taking the time to read my post! Raising children is a one of my lifelong goals. I think my goal in this post is to see if anyone has been thinking along the same lines or if I've been talking out of my hat! If I were to have children, would it be beneficial to live with them when I can no longer work? I mean to say that my retirement plan would be to live with my kids and help raise my grand children. http://www.aarp.org/relationships/grandparenting/info-03-2009/goyer_grandparents_moving_in.html According to the Pew Research Center, in 2008 some 49 million Americans, or 16% of the total U.S. population, lived in a family household that contained at least two adult generations or a grandparent and at least one other generation. In 2009 an AARP poll found that 11% of people age 50 and older live with their grandchildren or their parents, and 11% of those ages 35-44 report living with their parents or in-laws. And my hunch is that those numbers will continue to grow. I suppose the view I had growing up is that the man of the house is to save enough for his own retirement.
ribuck Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 My grandparents lived in the family home when I was a child, and it worked out well for everyone. The grandparents enjoy the company, and being around younger people helps them stay mentally young. The parents enjoy the childcare, the wisdom, and the general support if times get difficult. The children enjoy the extra adult attention, and it's much better for them socially and educationally than being in childcare. However, you can't count on your children and their spouses going along with your plan. So you need to save enough for your own retirement anyway. Then, if you end up living with your children, you can pay them a fair market-price rent so that they never feel like you are a burden. Alternatively, let them live in your house and they can pay rent to you.
ribuck Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Really? Why are you surprised by this? We're talking about adult children here. Why should they not have jobs and pay rent?
ribuck Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Here's a post by Skyler Collins where he discusses this:http://www.everything-voluntary.com/2014/03/when-children-reach-adulthood.htmlHis take is that the multi-generational household was normal throughout most of human history, until the last couple of generations. He hopes that his children will stay with him when they start their families, and he regrets that his in-laws moved out after his second child was born. Thomas, you mention that this situation has come up in a lot of podcasts - but isn't that in the context of a disfunctional family? If the family is stable, secure and loving, what's the problem?
Wiltin Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 If you brought the idea up with an adult child and were able to come up with an arrangement that worked for everyone, then great. Planning in this way before the child is even born is madness, I think it should be the least of your concerns before becoming a parent. You need resources for your retirement regardless. I know this is probably not what you're suggesting, but bludging off your adult children is undignified and will make them resent you.
NigelW Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Ok so, if there are positive outcomes to grandparents sticking around their grandchildren and I plan to be in a position to positively impact their lives, then why is it a bad thing? It would make sense if I were trying to exploit them. That would be bad. If I exploit my children, then I will face the consequences. If I love my children, then I will also face consequences. I’ve seen the consequences of focusing on money at the cost of family life. My grandfather has a house and his kids are moving back in with him, my father included. A shot in the dark, but maybe a focus primarily on a monetary retirement is a lack of trust in the future reciprocation?
Wiltin Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 Ok so, if there are positive outcomes to grandparents sticking around their grandchildren and I plan to be in a position to positively impact their lives, then why is it a bad thing? It would make sense if I were trying to exploit them. That would be bad. If I exploit my children, then I will face the consequences. If I love my children, then I will also face consequences. I’ve seen the consequences of focusing on money at the cost of family life. My grandfather has a house and his kids are moving back in with him, my father included. A shot in the dark, but maybe a focus primarily on a monetary retirement is a lack of trust in the future reciprocation? My widowed grandmother on my father's side bought the house next door to us when I was a child, I think that was great for me and my siblings, being able to play in two yards and spend time with another adult relative. It worked out great for my grandmother too, it gave her company at a time when she wasn't able to get out much. However, It was a bit of an everybody loves Raymond situation at times with the relationship between my mother and grandmother. We ended up moving to another area of town, and I suspect it had something to do with my mother feeling the need to get away from her. My grandmother is very religious and judgemental, her sighs of disapproval still echo in my mind when I think of her. She is now in a folks home, almost completely lost her eyesight, and last time I visited she seemed quite depressed. In a perfect scenario grandparents being around is fantastic, you'd have to be careful to judge the situation correctly. This is why I don't think it is something you can really plan for.
Recommended Posts