Clark Gorny Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Hello, I could use some advice on how I can help teach a 2 year old to stop hitting people. I have been putting myself in between him and whoever he is trying to hit and if needs be catching his hand when he tries to hit. During this I lower my voice make eye contact shake my head and tell him "No, Don't hit" If things escalate I will pick up his sister when he is trying to hit her I will also tell her to to get away from him when he tries to hit her. Anyone have any advice what else I could do or what I could be doing wrong?
dsayers Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 You cannot correct a problem by managing a symptom in the moment. Where did this 2 year old learn to hit? What circumstances precipitate the assault? Whose 2 year old is this? Assuming this is somebody else's child, I would recommend against, "No, don't hit." This is a conclusion and will not aide the child at all. In fact it could exacerbate the problem by giving him undeserved attention or encouraging to unleash his wrath more secretively. Instead, I would recommend asking him why he is hitting and see if the two of you can figure out a way to achieve his goals without harming others. It's essentially a boundaries issue. If violence is modeled for him at home, it's likely that he's not familiar with the concept of the other. I think that would be a good place to start. If you could share more details of who's who in the story, perhaps I could offer a more specific answer.
Clark Gorny Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 You cannot correct a problem by managing a symptom in the moment. Where did this 2 year old learn to hit? What circumstances precipitate the assault? Whose 2 year old is this? Assuming this is somebody else's child, I would recommend against, "No, don't hit." This is a conclusion and will not aide the child at all. In fact it could exacerbate the problem by giving him undeserved attention or encouraging to unleash his wrath more secretively. Instead, I would recommend asking him why he is hitting and see if the two of you can figure out a way to achieve his goals without harming others. It's essentially a boundaries issue. If violence is modeled for him at home, it's likely that he's not familiar with the concept of the other. I think that would be a good place to start. If you could share more details of who's who in the story, perhaps I could offer a more specific answer. Yes I agree and thank you, I should have gave more details to begin with The kids(now a 2 year old boy and 3 year old girl) are biologically my sisters. Nine months ago I became a full time Caregiver after organizing an intervention and forcing my sister on a plane to go to a Drug Treatment Center (she probably won't be returning for at least a few years if ever). I am having problems writing this because the situation is so horrible please forgive me if I sound unsympathetic.. They have been exposed to demented and sadistic people. There is no mystery who they learned the behavior from it has been a tremendous challenge rehabilitating them. Especially considering that I have to do all this while living at my mothers. My mother is an alcoholic and pure evil. The little girl used to hide under tables, pull out her own hair and throw endless tantrums sometimes taking it out on her defenseless brother. My sister would just yell at her for doing this, making things worse. Since I have been in there life full time the little girl has grown out of all this behavior(she still sometimes pushes or hits if the boy tries to take something from her) The little boy however will hit for sometimes no reason(violence has been normalized for him) or if he is not getting his way. When this happens I put myself in between them or pick up the girl. In writing this I realize how telling him not to hit is wrong. The little girl usually asks me to tell him not to hit but I realize I need to try and explain better why this doesn't work to the little girl. He really is a happy child for the most part he loves to play and snuggle I am just having allot of difficulty dealing with this while my mom thrashes about creating chaos. Just writing this reply has been a real challenge and I have learned allot from it. I hope I have given you enough information to give me some feedback I am exhausted for now and hope to get back into this again soon. Thanks for the help and anyone else who has feedback. -Clark
dsayers Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Did you call in to the show once? Your story sounds VERY familiar to me. It was a while ago though, so I could be wrong. Either way, I did want to thank you for your sensitivity in these matters. You may very well be saving their lives and brightening the lives of everybody they touch. That said, is there a way to get them away from your mother? My concern is that the children's formative years are not yet over, so there's a great deal of potential in rehabilitating them as you put it. Even with your mother around, they'll at least have the benefit of seeing a contrast in how you interact with them and others, if you can manage your frustration in the moment. Does the girl still have tantrums? My advice would be about the same. To talk to her to find out what her issue is. To let her know that if she wants something, there are ways to go about seeking them without such hostility. When you're talking to them in this manner, trying to connect with them, try not to be standing over them. Like have a seat or kneel down so that you're on their level. Try and make them feel as if they're safe, including safe to express how they feel. From their perspective, using violence is exhausting compared to peaceful pursuit of desires. If you can help them to engage this way, they'll likely favor it (in time) just to save themselves the trouble. Are you able to encourage productive playtime with the both of them at the same time? Like get out some building blocks and see if they can work together. It will be hard to make progress with one if the bad habits of the other continues to antagonize them. If there's a way to be nurturing to both simultaneously, they will soon drop the hostility and eventually even look to each other for support, which will amplify their peaceful behavior.
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