Grizwald Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 About 3 months ago I was hired for a full time job at a retail store. My specific job in my department is very hard and fast paced. Many people have even told me that it is the hardest position in the entire store. Now here's the source of all this mess I believe. I am not very talkative. It's very complicated. First off I am already shy but warm up pretty fast and I don't like engaging in much small talk. And secondly I am working so hard at my job that I don't really care much, nor can I, engage in little conversations because of how much work I have to do. 3/7 of my coworkers act incredibly childish and actually mock me a bit while I'm working. 2 other coworkers I am very friendly with and work well with and am not too shy around.. but the other 3 act like they are in freaking middle school. And I can tell from the way they mock me that they are taking advantage of my shyness. One coworker in particular talks down to me like I am a little kid. Another acts like I am a fucking outcast for simply not talking to him. I respond to their questions. It's not like I just shun them and don't respond. But I just am not interested in talking about dumb little things (small talk) so I don't try to turn it into a conversation. . I would much rather just stick to my work. What do you suggest I do about all of this? And this isn't some terrible business I am working for. They actually pay very well and give good benefits. I just don't want to have to deal with this every day.
MysterionMuffles Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 hmm can you provide more detail? Like one kinds of things do they mock you for and what kind of dumb little things do they talk about that leaves you feeling uninterested?
dsayers Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 I share your lack of interest in small talk. However, in a job type situation, small talk is a way to keep things stable among people you're not otherwise invested in. You won't be selling out or dumbing yourself down by catering to the masses in this fashion. I'm not saying that their behavior is right, but this is the kind of instability I'm talking about. Is it any comfort that their behavior actually has nothing to do with you?
Lights Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Hmmm i'm in a similar situation. I'll get in such outrageously bizarre social situations with these co-workers that i become shocked and stunned. It's like a zoo sometimes where the behavior i witness is so atrocious that it becomes amusingly disturbing. Like i'm at the circus~! Sometimes something as little as dropping a pencil can turn into an escalation equivalent to murdering baby seals.I'm curious what anyone else has to say on this topic~!
Heam Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 They're mocking you because the fact you work hard means you've set a standard whereby they have to work hard. I'm assuming you guys don't make bonuses working retail unless you're on commission, so obviously the mockers are looking to get by with as little work as possible. At least that's what I think.
Quadrewple Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Now here's the source of all this mess I believe. I am not very talkative. It's very complicated. First off I am already shy but warm up pretty fast and I don't like engaging in much small talk. And secondly I am working so hard at my job that I don't really care much, nor can I, engage in little conversations because of how much work I have to do. 3/7 of my coworkers act incredibly childish and actually mock me a bit while I'm working. 2 other coworkers I am very friendly with and work well with and am not too shy around.. but the other 3 act like they are in freaking middle school. And I can tell from the way they mock me that they are taking advantage of my shyness. One coworker in particular talks down to me like I am a little kid. Another acts like I am a fucking outcast for simply not talking to him. I respond to their questions. It's not like I just shun them and don't respond. But I just am not interested in talking about dumb little things (small talk) so I don't try to turn it into a conversation. . I would much rather just stick to my work. I don't believe that the source of this mess is you being hard-working and focused on your work, at least from what you've mentioned so far. Perhaps as Waleed suggested, they are uncomfortable working with someone who works as hard as you or someone who is as smart as you (I'm guessing you're one of the smartest people at that job). But regardless of the reason, people who mock others who aren't doing anything wrong are always doing so because of their own issues - inferiority complex perhaps in this situation. I'm also curious to get some examples of how the conversation comes up where they mock you. As for strategies to deal with abusive people at work, I've found it surprisingly effective when someone attempts to belittle me or make me feel shame to simply look them in the eye without cowering for a couple of seconds, without responding verbally, and without tensing up physically - as if to say "I see what you're doing, but I'm not going to engage in that type of interaction, and I'm not going to internalize what you just said." This is a very useful skill to have and if you are unpracticed, you'll get better with time (it's an unfortunate skill to have use for, but I feel a necessary skill to have in today's world). My guess if that if you're able to do this effectively, these people who treating you poorly will be too cowardly to continue, because they're only interested in preying on people who are already prone to self-attack, and will feel no delight if you don't respond in the way they want you to - whether by arguing back or withdrawing. In the past, my typical response to being belittled was simply laughing even though I didn't think what they said was funny. This type of response encourages them to treat you like a joke - someone to not be taken seriously because you are not taking yourself seriously. And this attracted me to all the wrong sort of people and alienated me from potential real friends. I started my last job a couple of weeks ago and I had a coworker tell me something that I felt was a bit insensitive, though certainly not abusive. She asked me if I had had any prior jobs and I said yes, and she told me it was her first job. Then she asked me how old I was and I told her 22, and she said I looked like I was 16. Like I said, it seemed a bit insensitive, because I am an adult and she's telling me I look like a child - a bit akin to me telling her she looked 6 years older than she actually was. My response was briefly looking her in the eye and saying "Yeah, I know." I was able to not get visibly frustrated and I wasn't very frustrated to begin with, and I like that way of handling that situation because I didn't provoke anger in her, I didn't jump into anger or defensiveness myself, and I was able to also assert myself by not laughing nervously or avoiding eye contact. Looking back, this could have only made me uncomfortable because of my own body image issues, many of which are fixable, but regardless, I think it's a decent example of a useful way to react to a situation which made me slightly uncomfortable.
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