Poem response to a Facebook post (which was a poem)

[_LiveFree_]

So this poem was posted by a dude on Facebook...

 

Money empowers, but I'm a slave

      to my wage,

working hard for nothing but I need

      to be paid.

I need my money to survive,

but working so hard I'm not living,

      I'm just alive.

Money controls everything,

      who lives and who dies,

it's even a cause to invade

      money is the master

      and I am the slave.

 

 

 

Here is my response...

 

You're enslaved, but to what

          you do not know.

Money can't tell you

          where to go.

Life requires effort in order to survive,

with or without money you must

          work to stay alive.

Not working for the man

          or following his plan,

but consuming for the body

          to increase its lifespan.

Money is time spent working,

effort, sweat, and even some twerking.

A man who's a slave and desires power

doesn't see the hour on the bell clock tower.

Possessing lots of money is to own the efforts

          of other men.

Money only amplifies the qualities

          within.

A slave remains a slave when he

          fears his master.

Waking to the truth won't be a disaster.

You are the chained and the accuser,

continuing the pains of child's abuser.

 

"Please, daddy, play catch with me!"

          "Not now, son. Don't you know food ain't free?"

"Please, mommy, sing to me!"

          "Not now, daughter. We have guests, you see?"

 

Break free from your past and you'll

           no longer be enslaved.

Money is not a blessing or a curse,

           but a means of exchange.

Men don't invade for money; they invade for

           slaves.

----------------------------------------------------------

 

Thoughts?

[JKPgamer]

 

Life requires effort in order to survive,

with or without money you must

          work to stay alive.

 

All of the poem was brilliant, but I especially loved these 3 lines.  I have an uncle that is full blown Venus project/Zeitgeister and his rants against money are much like the guy you were responding to, and that sentence is just gold.  Thank you so much for sharing!

[_LiveFree_]

thanks for the feedback, JKP! I'm glad you enjoyed it. 

[AlesD]

Great poem. I think you should write more to give a different view to the more artistic people. This could be another good way to get people thinking.

[marko]

That was beautiful, Nathan! 

[James Dean]

really liked it! gives me inspiration for a novel I'm writing.  

[_LiveFree_]

Great poem. I think you should write more to give a different view to the more artistic people. This could be another good way to get people thinking.

Interesting. I'll definitely put some thought to that.

 

That was beautiful, Nathan! 

Thank you!

 

really liked it! gives me inspiration for a novel I'm writing.

 

Sweet! Can't wait to read it! 

[_LiveFree_]

Wrote something else last night. This was about talking to an ex-girlfriend after more than a decade of no contact and the realizations that followed for me. 

 

 

--------------------

 

Danger Close


Laniakea
To your spacious heaven
Show me the way
That I may be free
From the torturous minuscule
Of my supercluster of sadness. 
Danger close. 

Millennium 
Is the time the photons
Of my heart
Took to reach your
Awaiting ears. 
Entangled no more. 
Danger close. 

Gravitational
Pull reaching across the vastness
I find you once again;
But I've become an exoplanet
Estranged, unengaged, alien. 
In a suit I visit your atmosphere. 
Danger close. 

Anunnaki 
Setting me ablaze no more
Your creation finds you
And sees....

No danger. No desire. No destiny. 

You shoot to kill
Ask questions later; then forget to ask questions. 

Hiding under cover
You've lost another lover
Fighting to the last man
Is a plan of the damned. 

You remained stifled
Self-attack with your rifle
Of shame from a history
That shall remain a mystery

Your danger is close, but not to me. 

Forever a memory
Encased in a litany
Of reasons not to,
Is where the hologram of my heart
You once possessed
Will study the hologram of my heart
You once possessed
Will study the hologram recursive...

I took the best of you and found me. 
I am Danger Close
And I am free.

 

------------------------

 

 

Just realized this applies to ending my relationship with my parents, too.

[fractional slacker]

Fantastic poem. Kudos for rhyming a response to communist dude.How was your poem received on FB?

[_LiveFree_]

Fantastic poem. Kudos for rhyming a response to communist dude.How was your poem received on FB?

With silence. LolAnd thank you!

[David Ottinger]

I thought the idea of it is clever.  Though I wonder if your response put the audience on the defensive.  The person was expressing how he felt, which is that he felt trapped.  And, he finds that it is money that keeps him bound in an unfavorable life.

 

Is he wrong in that observation?  Are his instincts wrong?

 

I'd say he was right.  The fiat monetary monopoly does keep people bound to this despotic order.  So, he is correct in noticing that income from wages keep his life economically static.  Thus, he is right in his observation that he is enslaved.  

 

So, it's quite possible that your response came off as mockery and minimization of his subjective experience.

[_LiveFree_]

I thought the idea of it is clever.  Though I wonder if your response put the audience on the defensive.  The person was expressing how he felt, which is that he felt trapped.  And, he finds that it is money that keeps him bound in an unfavorable life.

 

Is he wrong in that observation?  Are his instincts wrong?

 

I'd say he was right.  The fiat monetary monopoly does keep people bound to this despotic order.  So, he is correct in noticing that income from wages keep his life economically static.  Thus, he is right in his observation that he is enslaved.  

 

So, it's quite possible that your response came off as mockery and minimization of his subjective experience.

 

His instincts weren't telling him that money was enslaving him. They were telling him he's a slave. Propaganda tells him it's money doing the enslaving. The fiat monetary system doesn't keep people bound, the guns pointed at your head keep you bound. 

 

You know, there are plenty of good hard working people who have flourished under this fiat money monopoly. Off the top of my head, Peter Schiff, Stefan Molyneux, Tom Woods. I have a friend who's father started a business 30 years ago and is now a retired millionaire. 

 

I have no doubt that some people will read my response and think it's mockery. Someone who suffers from a low self-esteem is likely to interpret assertiveness as negativity. And low self-esteem individuals typically blame everything but their parents for what's gone wrong. 

[David Ottinger]

...

 

Nathan,I agree that it's far more accurate to point out the gun that's imposing legal tender laws and various other edicts.  But, the fiat monetary monopoly is just one form of conquest, and in this case economical conquest.  What you're referring to is the physical conquest over a geographic region that allows for this sort of monopoly to be imposed on the populace.  And, just as a side note, the third form of conquest is epistemological conquest (propaganda, schools, etc.).  It's these 3 aspects of conquest that are implemented and managed to build an empire.And even though this other guy might resist the idea of there being a physical form of conquest (i.e. what you pointed out), he is still alluding to economical conquest even though he might not frame his premise that way if you explored his thoughts further.  He'd probably limit it to corporations, thus scapegoating them -- even I treat them as the flipside of the coin to government as they are currently a creature of the state.  So, while I agree that there are plenty of market opportunities for creating wealth and (to add) limiting oneself to the labor market is far more riskier than entrepreneurship in this current economic environment, that still doesn't negate the Cantillon Effect which that guy was unknowingly alluding to.

 

 

As far as the self-esteem goes, I don't know who this guy is to you or how well you know him, but I personally wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it's a low self-esteem issue.  If I expressed feelings towards something, it doesn't matter if I'm wrong or right.  What I'm feeling is real to me.  In this case, that guy's suffering is genuine.  And, he's not completely off base in identifying the mechanism that's preventing his economic mobility.  After all, he's limited to the concept of money that he only knows -- which is fiat money.  And, that's a substitute money as opposed to real money.  Most people don't know that.

 

And, don't get me wrong, I'm not apologizing for his ignorance.  I'm simply pointing out that there is merit to his grievances.  So, while he's seeing the world through a key hole, I find that you blew right passed him instead of empathizing with him and opening that door. 

 

So, honestly, do you really think you were being thoughtful?  Or were you trying to be clever in showing how smart you are?

 

(And, on a side note, I don't know if there is a moral argument to be made here.  I'm just sharing with you what I gleaned from your discourse.)

[_LiveFree_]

Nathan,

 

I agree that it's far more accurate to point out the gun that's imposing legal tender laws and various other edicts.  But, the fiat monetary monopoly is just one form of conquest, and in this case economical conquest.  What you're referring to is the physical conquest over a geographic region that allows for this sort of monopoly to be imposed on the populace.  And, just as a side note, the third form of conquest is epistemological conquest (propaganda, schools, etc.).  It's these 3 aspects of conquest that are implemented and managed to build an empire.

 

And even though this other guy might resist the idea of there being a physical form of conquest (i.e. what you pointed out), he is still alluding to economical conquest even though he might not frame his premise that way if you explored his thoughts further.  He'd probably limit it to corporations, thus scapegoating them -- even I treat them as the flipside of the coin to government as they are currently a creature of the state.  So, while I agree that there are plenty of market opportunities for creating wealth and (to add) limiting oneself to the labor market is far more riskier than entrepreneurship in this current economic environment, that still doesn't negate the Cantillon Effect which that guy was unknowingly alluding to.

 

 

As far as the self-esteem goes, I don't know who this guy is to you or how well you know him, but I personally wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it's a low self-esteem issue.  If I expressed feelings towards something, it doesn't matter if I'm wrong or right.  What I'm feeling is real to me.  In this case, that guy's suffering is genuine.  And, he's not completely off base in identifying the mechanism that's preventing his economic mobility.  After all, he's limited to the concept of money that he only knows -- which is fiat money.  And, that's a substitute money as opposed to real money.  Most people don't know that.

 

And, don't get me wrong, I'm not apologizing for his ignorance.  I'm simply pointing out that there is merit to his grievances.  So, while he's seeing the world through a key hole, I find that you blew right passed him instead of empathizing with him and opening that door. 

 

So, honestly, do you really think you were being thoughtful?  Or were you trying to be clever in showing how smart you are?

 

(And, on a side note, I don't know if there is a moral argument to be made here.  I'm just sharing with you what I gleaned from your discourse.)

 

Could you project any more? 

 

"Or were you trying to be clever in showing how smart you are?"

 

 

You've done everything you've accused me of doing

 

 

I'm so not interested in talking with you after this post. 

[David Ottinger]

I apologies that I offended you. 

[_LiveFree_]

lol you did not offend me. You just cleared things fairly quickly. 

[David Ottinger]

Well, I'm glad you're not offended, and for what it's worth, I wasn't accusing you of doing that, and I certainly could've expressed myself better.  I am assuming your intent was to open up a discussion with the guy, not to show how witty you are. And a response like you provided is something I could definitely see myself doing, and I would've felt as though it was a witty and playful way to approach the topic.  So, my interpretation is definitely a reflection of myself.  And, it's definitely not without its irony.