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Posted

Hi.  My best friend's five year old son has been having epic melt downs when transitioning from his mom's house to my friend's house.  I had some of the same issues with my son's but it was going from my house to their mom's and it passed quickly.

 

Any advice on how to approach this?  I know the mom spanks the boy and the dad has once - the one time in response to the child's melt-down.  It  seems like a toxic situation.  Once the child is at the dad's, he's fine and doesn't want to go back to mom's.

 

In this case there are cultural and linguistic elements - the mom is Asian, the dad American.

 

Just thought I'd see if anyone has experience with how to deal with this type of situation.

 

Thanks in advance!

Posted

Deal with the situation in what sense exactly? The tantrums are not the issue, he's just expressing a desire. The problem is the parents and how they're not listening to their child. If they were listening, then why would the kid have to throw a tantrum in order for them to pay attention?

Posted

Does the child have any say on if/when he spends time at mom's or dad's? I'm guessing probably not, so it could be his way of resisting what is essentially the initiation of the use of force against him. Perhaps if they communicated and negotiated with him, they could find a way to achieve their goals in a win-win fashion instead of perpetually dispensing with the child's comfort for their own.

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

What does the respond with when either [or both] of the parents ask the child what they think of the transition, how they feel about it, what they think is the reason, what they prefer?

 

I'll bet 12 cents those questions aren't asked of the child.

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