Panoptic Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 If you get depressed easily, maybe don't read this - I have no friends, nobody to talk to, nobody to listen. I also feel like I will never have friends (or "buddys"). Even though I've improved my social skills in the past year, I still fall so far behind others. I feel self-conscious, unable to look another person in the eye. I walked past a girl today in my apartment complex. I saw her polite smile in the corner of my eye as she passed, but I walked past as if she wasn't ever there. I feel hollow and plastic. I would love to have smiled back and said hi, but I could not. I have no idea how to express my emotions. I have no emotions. I feel nothing. No anger, happiness, excitement, sadness. Everything I see is nothing to me. I finally got the internship I've wanted for years to push my career foward, but I feel no happiness. The only thing I feel, whenever I do feel, is guilt and fear. I'm guilty of only ever coming on here when I'm desparate. I don't take the time to gain self-knowledge. I'm scared, I want help. Most of the time I go through my life feeling nothing, pretending everything is fine. I day dream a lot about being powerful, about someday coming back to the people I knew from high school and surprising them all with how rich and successful I am (in my head). Its weird, most of the time I NEVER feel like anything is wrong. I feel comfortable. But once every 4 or 5 months, I find myself in a bout of depression and anxiety (which is what I feel now). I feel fear and guilt. Then after a week or two I get distracted by something else, like school work or some new thing I find on the internet (idk, like Reddit). Then I go another 4 or 5 months feeling nothing. I'm SICK of feeling nothing. I want to feel, anger, sadness, happiness, excitement. This time, I'm afraid I will get distracted again and find myself back on here doing the same thing 4 or 5 months from now... TL;DR Is there anybody on here who is willing to maybe set up a chat room on Facebook or some other medium? I'd love to Skype, but I really can't with my brother always around, he'd hear everything although I'm sure there will be points where he won't be here. I feel like I just need somebody who I could talk to regularly about life, emotions, and things that I never get to share. I have no idea what I'm doing right or wrong with my actions and thoughts. I need verification. Thank you for reading and replying, I feel a bit better writing this, although I want to cry right now, but my brother is here. EDIT: I also wanted to add how shameful I feel for coming on here and asking FDR for so much, and yet I don't even try myself. If you don't feel like responding, then I understand.
Wuzzums Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I need verification. This bit struck me as a little odd because for me verification reminds me of school stuff, like grading tests and whatnot. You submit a test, and that test is verified against a standard. Anything that deviates from the standard is wrong, everything that is common with the standard is correct. Is this the meaning for you too?
Panoptic Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 Thank you guys for messaging me and being so outgoing and willing to help. I really appreciate the replies. This bit struck me as a little odd because for me verification reminds me of school stuff, like grading tests and whatnot. You submit a test, and that test is verified against a standard. Anything that deviates from the standard is wrong, everything that is common with the standard is correct. Is this the meaning for you too? Well, I kind of meant I needed to make sure my thoughts weren't overly strange or derived from my own neglect to my emotional development. I should have used a better word. I just feel like a lot of my feelings and emotions shouldn't be what they are. For example, for some reason, even immediately after I just met a new person, I get extremely jealous and hurt when I see them talking to somebody else other than me. And it is more so for women, but men as well. Its seems like attachment issues or something.
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