AustinJames Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I deactivated my Facebook profile a few months ago, and reactivated it recently. I deactivated it because I was discouraged with the quality of information and interaction between myself and my "friends." I reactivated it because it is a valuable resource for the dissemination of information that I am unable to replicate otherwise. The problem is that my profile and "friends" list was formulated during a time that I lacked self-knowledge, and I'm not sure how to go about changing this, except to block, defriend, or un-follow anyone who particularly grates me. Having done this, my news feed is limited to the handful of friends and family I have maintained through my start in philosophy (which is still not very expansive), and I'm unsure about how to go about finding new friends in my geographic region. Has anyone else been frustrated with Facebook in this way? My strategy to improve my situation is to invite members of this forum to add me as a friend on Facebook. My name is Austin James Sharette. What do you think of this strategy? I was reluctant to enact this idea, but I'm not sure why. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
hannahbanana Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I've actually kind of been feeling the same way...I find it difficult to "defriend" some of the people on my Facebook because, regardless of our now-large differences in the way we think about things, I have had some very fun and memorable moments with them before I started thinking about self-knowledge seriously. But I know how it feels, I look at my Facebook less and less because the things people post on it can be so frustrating to me. Maybe you feel reluctant because of past memories that you've had with them?
shirgall Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Facebook is really good for seeing if your theories on how people would turn out after High School really worked out without the crappy food and dancing at a reunion.
AustinJames Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 I've actually kind of been feeling the same way...I find it difficult to "defriend" some of the people on my Facebook because, regardless of our now-large differences in the way we think about things, I have had some very fun and memorable moments with them before I started thinking about self-knowledge seriously. But I know how it feels, I look at my Facebook less and less because the things people post on it can be so frustrating to me. Maybe you feel reluctant because of past memories that you've had with them? I'm sorry, I see that I was not clear. I don't feel reluctant to defriend, or block, or unfollow. Rather, I feel reluctant to seek out new relationships on the internet that I haven't built elsewhere. I used to think that Facebook was only for people that I already knew. I would look down on people who would look around Facebook for new friends. I'm not sure why. Facebook is really good for seeing if your theories on how people would turn out after High School really worked out without the crappy food and dancing at a reunion. Haha! Indeed. My theories have definitely been substantiated. I haven't been to a reunion, and I don't see how I could be convinced to attend one in the future. I suppose I should appreciate Facebook, if only for this lesson.
James Dean Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 It would be cool to have a FDR facebook group, we could all be friends on facebook and have sleepovers and eat popcorn and talk about boys!!!
MarkIX Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Perhaps This Video will help you by supplying additional information. There is a follow up too
meta Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I have been frustrated in the same way.The more serious my feed became, the less comment I had. Now they are non existent.I use FB as a fast messaging platform, and a news feed.I add friends now and then, but not much. I have not defriend any one, with a few exceptions.I can't remenber exactly what, but a lot of stuff has come to my knowledge thanks to this site's news feed system.So I have been very frustrated in my experience of wanting serious talks, but I still see a lot of positive things as well. A FDR FB group doesn't makes sense to me, this site does it better.
fractional slacker Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Seems not a day goes by I don't hear someone having ambivalence about FB or "social" media in general. I find it quite fascinating.Am I frustrated with FB? Not as much as I used to be. I only have a small number of friends. My friends list are people I have known to some degree at some point outside of FB. I am pretty active on my account posting stuff almost everyday. I am lucky to get 2-3 likes in a week and maybe one light weight comment. Keep in mind all of my posts are made to suggest and start a conversation. Yet, it is like pulling teeth to get anything of substance. Now contrast that with what my friends post: a picture of their dog or a pic of them at Disneland. That sort of stuff gets all sorts of likes and constant back and forth banter in the comments. Like I said, it's quite fascinating.
Sven--starFury_flames-- Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 My Facebook friends list peaked around 1500. I was a fire-performer/dj at Burning Man-style festivals here in Australia and I saw it as sort of a promotional tool, I was way too promiscuous adding people from that scene. So I've had to do quite a lot of culling in the last few years, I'm at just over a thousand now but there's still a lot to do. It's kind of a 3-strikes-and-you're-out rule on my newsfeed. Another picture of their dinner, excessive lol-cats, or pretty much any posts about sports teams, then I check their timeline and if I don't find anything of substance in their last 10-20 posts, it's "bye, bye!" =)It's been a gradual process for me but I'm happy to say I'm now at the point where I only post about Stuff That Matters on my Facebook timeline. You quickly discover who amongst your "friends" is genuinely curious and capable of thinking.... As for the rest, well they don't really matter.... And as for the ones who attack you for asking uncomfortable questions, I say thank you for showing your true colors, hit the defriend button, and don't look back.... As free-thinkers we need to support each other particularly on social media, we need to recognize how powerful a medium it is.... And also recognize how tough it is being the sole voice of reason when you're trying to make some point and you have 50 of your Facebook "friends" telling you you're arrogant, threatening you and all the rest because you had the audacity to ask "is soldier a euphemism for murderer?" (this is a personal example). That one really was a 50 vs 1 situation on my timeline, it was frightening to maintain my position, but highly instructive nonetheless. Who knows, if I'd had a couple of FDRers on my side in that conversation, things may have gone differently... AustinJames, I've sent you a friend request on FB, my name's Sven =)
Carl Green Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Facebook's a tough venue to find new "friends". If you're looking for "real life friends" meetup.com is a good spot to find other people in the world that share your interests.
Phuein Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I feel for your Facebook frustration and discomforts. Virtual relationships have a lot of drawbacks, compared to physical relationships. Especially the no touching thing, eh. Just like with universal preferences, I don't discriminate FB. I do not add or keep people whom I consider harmful, or abusive. This is also true of people who are too passive for me, to find real interest in them, and so we never interact. I remove them without much hesitation, and so my friends' list is small, but wonderful, and I love everyone I have there. However, I do appreciate online global relationships! I have been a penpal and chatter for many years, since adolescence. I have had some online friends for more years, than I have had local friends. And this taught me that virtual relationships are just as important. Just as a book can influence more than a conversation, so cause virtual friends be more intimate, than local friends. Oh, and I even had some virtual romance, which was often more tantalizing than any local romance I've enjoyed. If I find a person that I relate to, then I will Add them, and send a message. It usually works, with both girls and guys. I have made some very interesting friends this way; not all of them philosophical, but sure not abusive people; which is the real standard, for a basic friendship. If I added someone abusive, then I will remove them quickly, sometimes after a final chat, to verify my suspicions. My most recent case, was a feminist girl who was into Philosophy, but when we talked, would eventually reach an "I believe in my government" statement, and you can imagine how that went south fast haha. After I told her how I feel and think, and asked her about the logic of her opinions, she was the one to unfriend, and even block, me! I don't usually block people, myself. This idea that we need many people to Like and Comment on our posts is wrong. What we need is those relevant Likes, and those important Comments. Just like Stefan says about FDR - we don't want stupid people "here", be it the FDR community, or my FB wall. How does that feel to you, James?
Jeff W. Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 I'd been feeling this way, myself, until fairly recently. Instead of cutting most old people out, what I did was go on Stefan's page and find people that comment that I took to and I started sending friend requests out. I did this several times and now have a Facebook page I really like. Its all about how you populate it. I haven't yet looked for other avenues to find more, but I'm certainly open to it. Jeff Wergin, Wisconsin
Benjammin Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Just thought I would add that there is an FDR Facebook group.
Avocadogreta Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 It sure can be difficult to make and create intimacy in online friendships. I deactivated in November of last year after using FB almost entirely as a way to disseminate information. Like Fractional Slacker said, I also found it fascinating that my friends sharing their meals or complaining about their job or partner would get much more attention than research about nutrition, child development, local opportunities to volunteer, Fukushima, or the nearby Hanford nuclear plant leaking. In fact, I realized I would share personal anecdotes or pictures just to seem more relatable. I grew tired of posting an article about the harms of circumcision (I wouldn't share more than one a week, though I wanted to share a circ article every day) and receiving comments like, 'smegma is gross,' from old HS friends. I have found that local meetups are a good way to find like-minded or interesting friends. Twitter is also an easy, good tool for meeting other local people who have similar interests - that's how I have connected with many local activists. Another, slower, way to make new friends online is by starting a blog - people who are interested in what you have to say will gravitate toward you - likewise, finding local bloggers who are speaking about issues you're interested in. There always seems to be pockets of local groups with similar interests, sometimes you just need to reach out and ask who is near you. Again, twitter is great for that. Good luck!
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