jester7707 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Hi everyone, thank you for stopping in. I'm in a desperate situation, even more so than the last year or two. As I have been learning from Stef and the community here and I have been trying to put the principals into action in my life by trying to get myself away from abusive people. In an attempt to do this I have moved a total of 7 times in the last 2 years. I have been jobless half that time due to poor choices of work environments and what I believe to be severe depression. Most recently I moved in with my father which has proved to be the most damaging for me. Putting it mildly, he is a tyrant. He is almost a clone of a mobster you see in Hollywood movies. I mean, he bullies, can't listen, name calls, escalates fast, and recently has been psychically abusive to me. It started with me defending a roommate that lives with him. He was yelling and cussing at him for not getting him cigarettes while he was out. The reason why his roommate takes this abuse is because my father lets him stay for free and feeds him. Thats the same reason why my mother and myself live with him too. I calmly tried to stop his abuse and then he turned to me by screaming in my face and repeatedly pushing me with his hands and chest. I in turn escalated verbally by telling him what he was, a abusive piece of trash along with other things. After us going back and forth yelling he got in my face again and thrust the bottom of his palm into my cheek so hard my head was thrown back. He then screams that I pushed him in which did not happen. My mom pulled him away from me by his shirt while me and my girlfriend called the police. The cops arrived and got everyones story. I tried to press charges against him but, the cops said that they would have to arrest me as well since he said I pushed him first. Even though I have 2 others that witnessed the whole thing. I would then either have to bond out or sit a few days in jail. After that they would have a judge determine each of our fates. I declined doing that mostly because, I had work in the morning. At the end of the night the cops convinced him to let me use his vehicle for the time being so that we can separate for the night. After work the next day and after going -50.00 on my card for a hotel room me and my mother talked on the phone and she said that my father wanted the vehicle back to put it in a repair shop and that I can come back to stay. Also that he was giving me the vehicle and I just have to pay the 300 for the title transfer. I said that I am seriously thinking of going into a homeless shelter instead and walking the 3 hours to and from work. She began saying that I'm causing her so much stress and to please come to the house. needless to say I was extremely hurt that she was still with my dad in the first place and that she was blaming me for her stress. I decided to go back to my father house very grudgingly so that I can get the vehicle back and use the Internet to find another place to live through charities and the like. Ive been here 2 weeks and after talking to many places I have very few options of moving out anytime soon. It'll be at least another month or two to save up for a deposit and first months rent between the both of us. Salvation army said that they might help if I pay off the deposit and have proof that I am moving because of an emergency. It's frustrating that I am the one to suffer far more. I had to bring in the police report to excuse my absence at work. I had to ask my banker to take off charges for overdrawing and explain what happened. I had to research and call these charities that are completely indifferent to my situation and who try to rush me off the phone as soon as they can. I had to use mostly my resources to meet up with landlords and tour apartments. Ive noticed that when I'm at work talking to guest that remind me of my father I sometimes get very upset even though they aren't being abusive, just simply mannerisms like him and I can feel myself tense up. Hearing his voice and walking past him I feel enraged and disgusted. He got to hit me in the face and all he had to do was give away a truck that's worth a few thousand. My therapy alone will cost more. The list goes on and on. I live near Chicago, IL and If anyone can help me with food, money, gas, or shelter. It would be so greatly appreciated. I would also pay the debt back with money, time, ect. I'm open to ideas. Thank you very much for taking the time to read, Alex
TheMatrixHasMe Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I am terribly sorry to hear about your trouble with your family. How old are you? Maybe there is a former friend or classmate who has a couch for you to crash on? If not, maybe there's a temporary shelter you can stay until you have a clear head on what to do next? Can you get a job?
cynicist Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 That's pretty awful. If that kind of violence is possible then I'd say that the situation warrants an escape asap. Your mother being so self-absorbed and unconcerned with the stress that YOU are experiencing must be equally horrible. I'm not in your area but I wish you luck in finding a safe haven. Is your girlfriend unable to assist you?
jester7707 Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 Thank you both for the kind words and input. @TheMatrixHasMe - I'm 26 and I do have a part time job thankfully. I've exhausted all friends and families places to live with because, they are all very toxic people. There is a shelter about 45 min away from me but, my banker (One of the only few people at the time who where curious and sympathetic towards me.) said that she doesn't think that shelters would be a nice place because, they can be filled with dangerous people. @cynicist - My girlfriend is assisting me in anyway that she can but, she is currently in a similar boat living with her abusive mother who choked her a few months back. We both are saving up our money to get a cheap apartment.
RealP Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 What a horrifying situation to be in, my deepest sympathies. Have you already tried the following places? Many of them have 24h hotlines. http://www.betweenfriendschicago.org/ http://www.familyrescueinc.org/ https://crisisctr.org/ http://www.northsidecommunityresources.org/victim-advocacy-support-program/ Religious organizations, churches, etc. I notice that you have Philosopher King status, you may want to consider saving those 50 bucks a month until you can afford being in physical and emotional safety. Protect yourself, man
jester7707 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Thank you Pablo. I have not seen those places and it is very helpful. I will contact them to see if they can help. I messaged Stef about losing my job some time ago and told him I'll continue payment as soon as I'm able to. The kinda ironic and depressing thing is that I started donating again (Since I found work.) and the very next day that whole incident with my father happened.
kalmia Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 How far are you from Indiana? I am working on acquiring abandoned buildings in Gary. I don't know if you are that adventurous. You could use one house or part of a building if you helped clean it up. Would you still be able to get to work if you moved? Btw, I would be interested in a discussion on the ethics of abandoned property. Where are the ethical boundaries? For another thread of course.
RealP Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I have not seen those places and it is very helpful. I will contact them to see if they can help. Please do, and keep us posted :-)
Alin Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 What? You got punched in the face and your mother is the stressed one? What a piece of shit.
jester7707 Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 @ Kalmia - Thank you so much, That's very generous of you and sounds very tempting. I live North of Chicago and according to Google about 1 1/2 to 2 hours away depending on traffic. The only concern I have is like you mentioned, getting work. I certainly believe I can get work down there. Would you mind if I took a little time to do some research before giving you my answer? @ Pablo - Thank you. I will definitely keep you all updated. @ Alin - I agree completely. It's so damn horrendous what she did.
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