Christopher.R Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I just called the grandparents on my fathers side, they were abusive to him and his brothers through his childhood. He suffered from depression for years and had terrible emotional issues throughout his adult life. He was physically abusive with my mother and when he began to get abusive with my brothers and I, she left him. We saw him every other weekend for almost 10 years before he said he no longer wanted to see us. Five years after that he killed himself, when we were still hurting and had to go down to the funeral office to handle paperwork we saw my grandparents on his side for the last time. They didn't cry, they only complained about having to miss lunch. They continued to send us birthday and holiday cards for the years to come, but this year I called them and told them I never wanted to hear from them again becuase I was insulted that they could send cards to us, when they couldn't even show some emotion when their son died. I want to know if I was justified to do what I just did? Was there a better way?
Culain Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I don't believe the grandparents are your responsibility. Focus on your own parents because it will only be effective when your parents confront them.
Wesley Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I disagree. The point is not necessarily to focus on your parents, grandparents, or anyone else, but to focus on your own experience and how you felt in those situations. The amount of time that you should spend expressing how you felt to the others would be proportional to how much you care about the relationship and how much impact it had on your life and early experiences. However, the biggest goal is not to confront anyone, but to become connected with yourself and how you feel and to be able to express that with people who you care about. Since personal relationships are voluntary, you do not need to be "justified" in what you did. If you do not want to see them or hear from them, then you are perfectly allowed to do that, and it is never a fun decision to have to make. I am very sorry that this happened. Having to deal with all of that sounds really rough. I hope you would consider finding a therapist to help you work through some of this.
Christopher.R Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 I disagree. The point is not necessarily to focus on your parents, grandparents, or anyone else, but to focus on your own experience and how you felt in those situations. The amount of time that you should spend expressing how you felt to the others would be proportional to how much you care about the relationship and how much impact it had on your life and early experiences. However, the biggest goal is not to confront anyone, but to become connected with yourself and how you feel and to be able to express that with people who you care about. Since personal relationships are voluntary, you do not need to be "justified" in what you did. If you do not want to see them or hear from them, then you are perfectly allowed to do that, and it is never a fun decision to have to make. I am very sorry that this happened. Having to deal with all of that sounds really rough. I hope you would consider finding a therapist to help you work through some of this. Thank you, I am not sure of what else I can say except I appreciate the time you took to answer my question.
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