time outs for children

[RachelAnn]

I really appreciate Dr.Holden's studies on spanking, yelling, ect. I was a little shocked when he said that timeout's are effective for young preschoolers (in podcast #2719). I have to disagree with that. It teaches the child to repress their feelings and learn to deal with anxious thoughts in an unhealthy manner. Young preschooler's do not have the capacity to "think about what they have done" in a rational way, in fact I think it's quite neglectful.  Did anyone catch that or have any thoughts on it?

 

In an article from "The Natural Child Project" by Dr. Peter Haiman states: 

 

"For the frustrated and uncomfortable child, time-out offers enforced silence and the feeling of being rejected by one's parents. A youngster who misbehaves and then is given time-out feels hurt. This hurt, combined with the frustration that caused the youngster to misbehave, gives birth to anger. And discipline practices like time-out, which create hurt and anger, can harm a child.

A serious cost of being given time-out in childhood is the lesson that one should bottle up uncomfortable emotions. Upset in time-out and unable to express distressing feelings, youngsters desperately need to stop the painful feelings going on inside them. To cope, children learn to ignore and/or distract themselves from the energy of their hurt and angry feelings. Thus, children learn to repress their painful feelings. In the process, nervous habits emerge such as thumb sticking, fingernail biting, hair pulling, skin scratching, tugging at clothes, self-pinching, and many other similar behaviors. The purpose of these behaviors is to ward off uncomfortable feelings and, in identification with their parents' criticism of them, to punish themselves. These defense strategies serve to release anger and ignore uncomfortable feelings.

As a result, being unaware of true feelings can often become a characteristic feature of a person's life. This reduces a person's self-awareness and can affect the quality of life throughout an entire lifetime."

 

Here is the article.http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/peter_haiman.html

 

 

Thanks!

[LanceD]

Yeah I listened to it but the guy is still operating on the assumption that children need to be trained to comply. You just need to stop beating compliance into them.

 

Then again it depends what someone means by "time out". If my kid is out in one if the common areas of the house sbd is infringing on others by being loud or other wise disruptive we will send him to his room, along with the explanation that he needs to be respectful of others when he is in common areas and if he wants to do certain things he needs to go do them in his own space.

 

We don't take any of his things away or otherwise tell him what he can and can't do, we just try and make it clear when sbd where it's okay to do certain things.

 

Is this a time out?

 

I don't know, children test boundaries and are unable to really think things through before acting. So there has to be some method for showing them where boundaries are and encourage them to think before acting that isn't punitive and fully respects their person hood and property rights.

[MysterionMuffles]

the time spent on a time out could be a discussion...

yeah I caught that in the podcast too and just thought it was like...you're almost there, Dr. Just not quite. Expert or not.

[Liberty Bill]

I've never seen the point of "time-out".  I believe punishments should be in kind to the offense, and my kids have never successfully kidnapped or confined me or anyone else. 

 

On reflection, it might be a suitable punishment if the child ignores a boundary, such as running across the road or out of the house without permission.  I personally have never had one of my kids do that, though.

[BrianBrian]

I definitely caught it. Thanks for the article. Great resource.