I'm a 30 y/o male looking to meet a philosophically compatible woman

[KyleK]

Hello there, since FDR seems to attract a pretty thoughtful and self-aware bunch of people I figured it might be a good idea to see if there were any women (ideally in Southern Ontario, Canada but that can be negotiable) that would interested in getting to know me further. If that might be you, please send me a message! 

 

Here is my profile on OKCupid if you'd like to get to know a little more about me:

 

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/parad0xalist

 

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I'm also open to having my profile critqued by males and females alike, so please send me your constructive criticism. 

 

 

[Pleiades]

Ladies, I can vouch for this man, he is good and virtuous!

[marina]

LOL... I read your profile and I must say I don't really have any criticism. I loved it. :-)

One thing you might add is what you're looking for & more precisely, what you envision gaining from a partner. What's worked in the past & what hasn't? For example.. I know that I need a partner who isn't afraid of trying new foods..spicy or not aside.. that's more of a health think.. but simply someone not scared of trying something like chocolate covered ants for example.. Haha..or whatever specifics you might think of for you.

Maybe you want someone who's very passionate about eating organic food only (or as much a possible) or has no allergies to cats because you love cats so much you never see yourself living without one & logistically..you'd prefer that to not be a problem. :-)

I don't know if I'm getting too specific but other than that your profile is wonderful.

[Matt H]

I've noticed lately everyone has their Myers-Briggs score on their profile. Do people really know what type of person based on their score is compatible with them? I only ask because I know for sure that I don't know. I have dated girls who matched my profile's compatibility score "on paper," and couldn't have been more wrong. Overall, it doesn't do enough to capture the person's personality. I hope people don't rule out potential matches based on that stuff. 

 

Certainly not criticizing you for putting that on there, btw. I think its smart and courageous of you to give your score, especially since every single person, at least on the female side of these sites, claims to be "very outgoing."  Obviously some of them are lying. Its pretty funny, really.

[marina]

I like knowing the personality type of others because it is a guide ..simply a guide.. to tell me whether I'm more or less interested.  First of all.. the fact that the person thought highly enough about self knowledge to even know their own personality type and to feel it important enough to mention it, says a lot for me.  It automatically shows me they are more compatible to me than many others.  The whole..know thy self thing ;-)

 

I wouldn't completely discount any person based solely on that info.. but lets face it.. that exists for a reason and if based on my personal experiences, I know I get along great with one type over another.. it's a very helpful tool to help you sift through a lot of potential 'others.'

 

Someone who truly understands personality types will at least know if the relationship may pose more or less conflict due to the varying needs of each personality and their communication styles, etc..

So yes, I was impressed that you indicated yours being INTP and knowing what that means.. and valuing that you know yours.. I continued reading with a smile :-)

[JamesP]

I don't have my Myers-Briggs score on my profile

 

I was into it for a few years, about a decade ago. Maybe there is a proper use for it, but my experience of it leaves me kind of lukewarm. There is a great temptation to think that you have the answer as to why a particular relationship is or isn't working.

 

I tried to use this to make sense of my father... and this did not work. I said, "OK, here's my type, and maybe because we are in such conflict, maybe he's my opposite, so I'll try approaching things from his perspective..." and it just did not work.

 

What I was missing was that my father had treated me terribly when I was a child and continued to treat me terribly as an adult. I think personality type (or temperament or whatever) is quite secondary to what people actually do in the world.

 

Also, I am pretty sure that the score I received was very much a function of the trauma I was carrying around. This is just my opinion, but I think you do yourself a disservice to plant a label on yourself and carry it around proudly, especially if it is a war wound that you're not admitting is a war wound.

 

Does that make sense?

[KyleK]

Thanks for the feedback!

 

All I know is that I haven't had any chemistry with other INTP females I've encountered, it could be a coincidence though. We had very interesting conversations but they tended to feel formal. Posting that I am an INTP has meant that a few women have contacted me about it, it's an easy conversation starter, so for that reason I've left it up.

[marina]

I bet you end up with an ENFP :-) just an educated guess :-)

[PatrickC]

Hi Kyle, I was interested to understand, what is "chemistry" for you?

 

I mostly agree with James on this. In my opinion the Myers-Briggs seems to pigeon hole an individual into a type that is immovable. Whilst some traits have remained with me since exploring self knowledge I also know a lot of traits have simply gone and replaced by other traits. I am much more logical now than I was in the past when I reacted more on my feelings.

 

A long term board friend of mine has been exploring this topic and uses a different but similar method to the Myers-Briggs, which I can't recall just now. Which include more personality types and the ability for types to change and develop over a lifetime. This seems a much more feasible method to me. That said, I still can't quite get over the whole horoscope feeling I get from these tests.Of course that might just be my bad knowledge of it.

 

All of which probably precipitated my initial question to you Kyle.

[MrLovingKindness]

A long term board friend of mine has been exploring this topic and uses a different but similar method to the Myers-Briggs, which I can't recall just now. Which include more personality types and the ability for types to change and develop over a lifetime. This seems a much more feasible method to me.

 

Does your friend use the "Big Five" personality traits?

 

A summary of the factors of the Big Five and their constituent traits, such that they form the acronym OCEAN:^[4]

• Openness to experience: (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious). Appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, curiosity, and variety of experience. Openness reflects the degree of intellectual curiosity, creativity and a preference for novelty and variety a person has. It is also described as the extent to which a person is imaginative or independent, and depicts a personal preference for a variety of activities over a strict routine. Some disagreement remains about how to interpret the openness factor, which is sometimes called "intellect" rather than openness to experience.
• Conscientiousness: (efficient/organized vs. easy-going/careless). A tendency to be organized and dependable, show self-discipline, act dutifully, aim for achievement, and prefer planned rather than spontaneous behavior.
• Extraversion: (outgoing/energetic vs. solitary/reserved). Energy, positive emotions, surgency, assertiveness, sociability and the tendency to seek stimulation in the company of others, and talkativeness.
• Agreeableness: (friendly/compassionate vs. analytical/detached). A tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others. It is also a measure of one's trusting and helpful nature, and whether a person is generally well tempered or not.
• Neuroticism: (sensitive/nervous vs. secure/confident). The tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, and vulnerability. Neuroticism also refers to the degree of emotional stability and impulse control and is sometimes referred to by its low pole, "emotional stability".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits

[PatrickC]

Thanks for the interest, as i say I can't recall, but I'll happily PM you after I asked my friend. For now I don't really want to hyjack Kyle's thread by veering off in a discussion about MB that is unlikely to be helpful for him.

[KyleK]

Patrick hijack away, I don't mind.

 

Although I've always been an INTP, I have drifted towards the middle much more in recent years. For example I was perhaps 80% introverted and 20% extroverted and now it's closer to 60%, 40% based on how I answer the questions in the various tests I've taken. Also the Perceiving is only slightly ahead of Judging, some people would make it a lowercase p to indicate the lack of dominance. 

 

Marina, an ENFP would be awesome! That's what I'm on the hunt for...lol

[JonnyD]

If I was a girl I'd totally ride the pants off you. This transgender thing doesn't seem too bad of an idea now that I think of it with FDR being such a sausagefest - you know great entrepreneurs innovate to meet demand

[marina]

I knew it Kyle! LOL 

I'm a good matchmaker :-D

And you won't have too much trouble finding her.. we're like 30% of the female population!  ENFP's are plentiful among the population.. the key is to find an enlightened one who is well balanced & self aware.

Stay clear of any ENFP that seems like a 'hot mess' LOL and careful with ENTJ's because you'll be really drawn to them but they may be too much into 'external sensory' exploration than you truly want for the long term.  They can be restless and constantly want to go out, so just make sure you really evaluate each person objectively.

 

On a general note.. all the different personality types are simply guideposts.  Two people who both score to be an ENFP are not the same.. 

Their life experiences continue to shape their conscious mind and add knowledge and experiences  to their subconscious mind for faster/better decision making and processing in the future.  Therefore the personality styles reflect much more of the overarching subconscious preferences and communication styles...rather than predicting the details of a human's personality or predicting specific behaviors.

Each personality style can be 'in control' or 'out of control' and maturity and self awareness are key to balance.

 

Understanding personality styles helps with effective communication and general human interaction.

For example.. I sell residential real estate so I'm always meeting different personalities and have to be able to work with all of them.

If I meet someone and can easily assess their 'type' .. I can make the whole transaction much more pleasant for all parties involved.

(and I am much more familiar with the DISC profiling system so I normally use that to assess people in my head) 

 

Here's an example:

Say I come over to list your house for sale and we are meeting for the first time.  It benefits me to try and assess your 'type' (at least roughly) so we can both have a much more pleasant interaction.

Lets say I can immediately tell that you're an analytically oriented type of person.  Maybe you're an accountant and have a spread sheet for everything you do in life.  You keep all your old computer parts 'just in case' you might need them, along with every warranty for every appliance you've ever bought.. which are neatly organized in a folder for easy reference.  Your shoes are perfectly lined up in the closet and everything is color coded and categorized just so... :-D

After a few minutes of casual conversation and observation, we sit down to discuss my suggested list price, marketing, etc... 

Recognizing that you value details, I know that I will need to take my time and thoroughly go over all the detailed ways I'll market your home, the numbers I crunched to come with the suggested list price, etc... This will not be a short appointment because I must first build trust with you and show that I have a specific methodology for everything.  So the details are the solid foundation that trust grows on for this client.

If I just took charge and 'got to the point' with this client...there would be no trust and I would come across arrogant or flighty to the client...precisely because I didn't take the time to build trust by 'showing my work.' 

On the other hand... say I go meet with Donald Trump (for an easy example) ...how much will he respect me and see me as 'an authority' on a topic if I spend an hour showing him every intricate detail of each type of marketing I do and the statistics of why it's effective and the spread sheet of how I came up with the price of the property, etc...?

He won't be impressed.. I guarantee his eyes will be glazing over after 15 minutes of boring spread sheet talk and he'll cut me off and tell me to 'get to the point' because he wouldn't have taken the meeting had he been concerned with examining my statistics.  He is a decisive leader and decision maker and just wants the fast, bottom line.  So I know that appointment needs to be short and to the point because his temperament is fast and decisive.

 

It's my job to understand all of this and communicate very differently with each client.

 

If I communicate with people the way THEY want to be communicated with.. the way that information best 'sinks in' for them... my relationships are going to be stronger, more fulfilling and generally contain less or no conflict.  And when both parties are skilled at understanding these important nuances.. then a lot of relationship friction is avoided because you both understand what the other 'needs' or at least the way they prefer to be communicated with.

 

(admittedly these examples are very simplified but hopefully you guys get my point)

hahaha.. Jonny.. you're funny :-D

...give us girls a chance to catch up... I'm certainly doing my part to spread the message!

I've introduced like 4 of my close girlfriends to Stef and they are all blown away..

..though it has only been a few weeks so they have not decided to join this community quite yet :-P

[PatrickC]

If I was a girl I'd totally ride the pants off you. This transgender thing doesn't seem too bad of an idea now that I think of it with FDR being such a sausagefest - you know great entrepreneurs innovate to meet demand

 

With that deep Dublin accent, you'd never pull it off mate.. 

[Pleiades]

If I was a girl I'd totally ride the pants off you. This transgender thing doesn't seem too bad of an idea now that I think of it with FDR being such a sausagefest - you know great entrepreneurs innovate to meet demand

 

No! Just NO! Go gay instead ;D

[MrLovingKindness]

(and I am much more familiar with the DISC profiling system so I normally use that to assess people in my head)

 

I Googled "DISC profiling system", but I couldn’t find anything in the model that applied to me. I searched for terms like foul-tempered and mean-spirited but didn’t find anything along those lines.

[marina]

I Googled "DISC profiling system", but I couldn’t find anything in the model that applied to me. I searched for terms like foul-tempered and mean-spirited but didn’t find anything along those lines.

[MrLovingKindness]

 

 

 

Were you meaning to include some text in your post?

[marina]

LOL... I assume you are joking but it sounds like you would probably have D (dominant) or C (cautious) tendencies because those two types tend to be more blunt than the other two.. and it's not even that simple.. because there's a combination of traits that make up your specific and unique 'type' ...but I will also guess that you have yet to find balance in the sense that...your self deprecating humor is a 'mask of strength' hiding some insecurities and attempting to seem like the 'joker/class clown' instead of being humble & accepting your already existing internal confidence with honesty & integrity toward having it...accepting that you do have that confidence you seem to hide w bold humor.

...& I also accept I could be completely wrong here.. so I will humbly wait to hear your thoughts... :-)

[MrLovingKindness]

LOL... I assume you are joking but it sounds like you would probably have D (dominant) or C (cautious) tendencies because those two types tend to be more blunt than the other two.. and it's not even that simple.. because there's a combination of traits that make up your specific and unique 'type' ...but I will also guess that you have yet to find balance in the sense that...your self deprecating humor is a 'mask of strength' hiding some insecurities and attempting to seem like the 'joker/class clown' instead of being humble & accepting your already existing internal confidence with honesty & integrity toward having it...accepting that you do have that confidence you seem to hide w bold humor....& I also accept I could be completely wrong here.. so I will humbly wait to hear your thoughts... :-)

 

Given how little you have heard from me, I will go out on a limb here and suggest that your speculation about me is actually your own psychological projection.

[marina]

Given how little you have heard from me, I will go out on a limb here and suggest that your speculation about me is actually your own psychological projection.

(Quoting on my phone is clearly problematic) :-)Anyway...I simply responded to your own description of yourself as 'foul-tempered & mean spirited' ...& from my life experience.. I've come to the conclusion that those types of self descriptions are typically a 'mask' people hide behind.. that's all.. My apologies if that's not what came across.. communication is always a tricky thing..

[PatrickC]

Does your friend use the "Big Five" personality traits?

 

No, the theory I am told is as yet only known as the 'Cognitive Type' or CT for short apparently

[KyleK]

bump!

[shirgall]

I have done a variety of these personality tools, including the DiSC profile, which I got from Manager Tools here: https://www.manager-tools.com/products/disc-profile

 

All of them were pre-FDR, although the DiSC was most recent, so maybe I'll post those results in some way, but the report is copyrighted and may not be reproduced without permission.

 

I am a 3157, my highest score in Conscientiousness ©, which implies I am analytical, diplomatic, and thrive in structure. What's more interesting is the implication that I'm emotionally restrained and cautious.

 

I should take it again since it's been a year and a half, but it costs $28 a run.

[Matt D]

For those interested in personality, I'll be calling in to the show this Friday to talk about personality instruments like Myers-Briggs and Big Five.

 

p.s. Kyle, we're a 97% match on OKCupid! I feel the sparks already.

[marina]

Understanding personality types has helped me have more empathy for myself and others so I find learning as much as I can about all the different personality tools very helpful and valuable :-)