What does it mean to love yourself?

[Christopherscience]

If love is an involuntary response to perceived virtue, then what does it mean to love yourself?

 

...Then what does it mean... To love yourself...?

 

...

 

I want to explore this topic, but first I must apologize for my contextual speaking habits and love of tangents (conversational "side-quests", or mini-adventures). Some people prefer direct speaking. One thought. In sequence. And a road-map.

 

These are just musings - not meant as an essay with a clear thesis. Please enjoy my thoughts, and feel free to add your own at the end:

 

...

 

For context: I was talking to an FDR member, and I asked him the question. It was in response to his history and desire to save damsels as a displaced desire to save himself (particularly the desire to save himself, as a child, from a trespass against his most private of properties. In the interest of his privacy, I won't say his name or go into detail about his childhood trauma. Unfortunately, laying hands on a child, against the nonaggression principle, is so common that I'm sure that his privacy will remain intact if he chooses. Sufficed to say - his bodily autonomy was compromised in a deeply traumatic way, and he has had a desire to save broken women - a common enough story).

 

If love is an involuntary response to virtue, then what would it mean for him, or anyone, to love themselves?

 

In a practical and principled way - what does it look like to truly love yourself (as distinct from loving a false-self, or a shallow narcissism, or maybe even a love-hate relationship with yourself)? A displaced desire for love (onto the damsels he wanted to save, to vicariously save himself) was not helpful, and very impractical for him, and his finances, and his happiness.

 

Unfortunately, he didn't know what it would mean to love himself, and he had to think about it.

 

Heck, I needed to think about it - it still bends my mind to think about the implications of the question (which is why I'm writing this).

 

I thought it was interesting to connect the two thoughts; "love is an involuntary response to perceived virtue" and what it means to love one's self:

 

...

 

What is virtue? Or perceived virtue?

 

Certainly a person can have the perception that beauty is a virtue, for instance. A lot of people in society, essentially, worship beauty, or otherwise perceive it as a virtue. Regardless of the fact that physical beauty doesn't translate into [moral] virtue - people can certainly have an "involuntary response" to something they perceive as favorable. Health is favorable (to well adjusted people), and, for what it's worth, healthy is often seen as beautiful (and health can correlate to loving one's self, although...; I want to stress that health and beauty are not causally linked to virtuous self-love. Beautiful people can sometimes have a rotten core, and correlation does not equal causation - just to be clear).

 

I'm not writing to "a lot of people in society", therefore I have to consider the perceived virtues of the audience of my possible readers. Hopefully the reader is not an image-obsessed worshiper of beauty as high virtue. Since I'm writing on an FDR forum, I'm going to take the liberty of assuming most people have a system of rational secular ethics, and that any readers already have a standard, and have a system of morals that they think about (one based on standards of truth, such as; empiricism, logic, and the scientific method of inquiry [not Plato's higher realm, nor Euthyphro's standard of "the Gods" as the standard for truth and moral excellence]).

 

Once you have internally logically consistent ethics (e.g. negative moral law, universally preferable behavior, and objective standards) - where ever you go from there, and however you choose to conform to your ethics - is up to you.

 

​Within your framework of morals - you can excel however you want (whatever moral excellence means to you). 

 

Because my wording has been borrowed heavily, and because definitions help (and I just love etymology), I'll copy the common meaning of virtue:

 

1 a :  conformity to a standard of right : morality

 

b :  a particular moral excellence

Middle English vertu, virtu, from Anglo-French, from Latin virtut-, virtus strength, manliness, virtue, from vir man — more at virile

First Known Use: 13th century

 

Thus, virtue, as I define it in this context, means strength of conformity to moral excellence (which presupposes a standard of right).

 

While there's a much larger discussion on; what is the nature of right and wrong; what standard should be used to determine what is right; how do you know what you know; etc. - I'd like to return to the question. But I had wanted to point out that the original question assumes that you already have developed a sense of virtue a priori to my asking "If love is an involuntary response to perceived virtue, then what does it mean to love yourself?"

 

In my framework, I take empathy and curiosity as virtues - as integral to moral agency.

 

To love myself means to show myself kind empathy, and to doggedly pursue self-knowledge with a child-like delight in my own curiosity.

 

When I do something that I don't understand, I might ask myself, in a friendly tone, "Chris, wow! Ha - why did you respond that way?" and channel my inner child (for lack of a better word).

 

...And take pleasure in my own company, as I talk to myself. I'm stuck with this person, but I also am this person; I get to make choices about who I am (and, thus, who I get to live with inside my conscience/consciousness).

 

Why do I consider empathy and curiosity to be virtues?

 

As a general principle - knowledge is power. Knowledge grants novel choices. And choice is a prerequisite for moral agency. Without choice, there is no "good" choice. Knowledge increases one's population of conscious choices. And that - is powerful. (I love to amend the platitude, when speaking; "knowledge is power" - power to do what? -Power to make choices. Choices that weren't there before.)

 

I cannot make an informed decision about myself without self-knowledge, so I can't make the right choices toward achieving happiness without, first, being curious about myself.

 

Curiosity is the key. Without it, I would have no control over my own happiness. At best, I might randomly "luck into" happiness - but I'd have no control over it without self-knowledge.

 

Honestly, I think this is delightful, and I laugh a little as I crystallize these insights onto the page and in my mind. I'm thoroughly enjoying my company. Hopefully this is also helpful for others who are struggling with loving themselves, as a side-effect of my enjoyment.

 

Speaking of virtue, some of my morals came from the objectivist tradition, and I perceive rational self-interest as a good. One of the arguments for rational self-interest as a moral good, is that; "a rising tide lifts all ships." In other words, if I improve myself and my environment, then there is a secondary benefit to others around me. Helping myself to a hunk of my own happiness, might help someone understand how they can be happy with themselves. I benefit doubly as I help myself, and that ripples outward, then, possibly, reflects back from others helping themselves (who I might have helped as a side-effect).

 

Ha! I don't mind public displays of affection (internal or external, couples or singles) - I enjoy seeing others happy.

 

... and this is where empathy comes in. That interesting ripple. That evolutionarily conserved structure that helps us connect. Here, have a video I like to watch: 

 

I like to feel good. I understand what that's like. I can get glimpses of what it's like (for others) to be happy. When they feel good - I feel good for them. Indeed - good for them!

 

But happiness is only one emotion in the suite of human emotions, and it would be a critical failure not to be able to empathize with others who might be suffering. It is vitally important to be able to understand and solve problems, or to understand in order to get the full experience of the human condition (especially if a person desires to share their experiences with companions). Empathy is necessary for love...

 

Understanding the emotional state of myself is necessary to love myself (or others, in order to love others).

 

So... an involuntary response (such as my current smile and laughter) occurs in response to my perception of virtue within myself. A laugh and a grin accompanying my realizing things about myself and about the world, as I write this or go about my day.

 

And, in order to see myself as virtuous, I need to make informed decisions about myself (things like eating right, sleeping, quiet reflection, taking care of my finances, testing and acknowledging what does and doesn't work for me, understanding what does or doesn't conform to my morals [having morals], and more). I try to make the best choice about who I am in the moment by having empathy for my past and future self. I know that if I abandon my preferences, and my universalized preferences of behavior (in the rational ethics sense of the phrase), then I will have to live with that in the future, and reconcile that with my past.

 

For instance, when I do the dishes - I thank myself (or, rather, I say "you're welcome" to my future self, and, when I find a clean sink, I say "thank you, [past] Chris"). I care for myself out of love, like I would for any external love of mine - I've done dishes for past loves. I also enjoy making breakfast for people that I love, so as to fuel their excellence! *muhahahah!* I made a friend raspberry-mango Crêpe Suzette, with lemon-zest because he let me sleep on his couch when I had been feeling depressed the day before.

 

I certainly can show my love to others - I figure; "why not show myself the same respect for virtue?"

 

[written last night while these thoughts were fresh] Speaking of preferences; I prefer to be a morning person, and so - I need to get some sleep (or otherwise abandon that preference and soon deal with the consequences of being a guy that wakes up later or less rested) - so I'm going to end it here, somewhat abruptly.

 

Hopefully you found this to be an interesting synthesis of thought, and that you found it, at all, useful.

 

...If it wasn't useful, or you think I could improve my writing (or outlook) somehow, then I would love criticism. If I've made a critical error, then I want to know what vital facts I've got wrong (this is my life we're talking about, and things which are important to me - I'd prefer not to live in error). Thoughtful criticism is always appreciated.

 

Have a great day, and thanks for reading.

[thelizardking52]

Chris

 

That was definately a well reasoned and sagacious arrangement of thoughts. I find it highly useful and look forward to more of your ideas being shared with us. It also motivates me to finish my current readings so I can jump to Stefan's UPB which I want to read.  I will go back and reread this to absorb it better and see if I can add any thoughtful criticism but you didn't make that easy.