The wisdom of the child self and countering the anaesthetic of familiarity

[Three]

As anyone who has chosen the long arduous journey of self-knowledge will know, the first step towards self -actualization involves awareness. For example, in order to make the choice to heal themselves, one must be aware that they have a wound. But, while this might be the first step, it is by no means always easy. 

Awareness requires conscious effort. One must have the courage to be willing to forgo the immediate comforts of empty-headedness, regardless of how unpleasant the facts are. Another obstacle is the process called normalization wherein a particular belief or behavior, no matter how shocking, over time because of its incessant exposure, is taken for granted. Richard Dawkins uses the phrase, "the anaesthetic of familiarity." which is " an anaesthetic of familiarity, a sedative of ordinariness which dulls the senses and hides the wonder of existence.". I  would tack on the words, 'and horror' after the word wonder. Not just for the sake of pessimism, but because it is true and necessary to see the horror if our goal is to free ourselves and the world. 

I was able to counter the anaesthetic today while watching an old VHS tape on youtube that I really enjoyed when I was a child. [/font]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrRZ7aMZyfI

As I watched this, I began to feel my heart open up. I began to feel the enthusiasm and excitement that was being expressed by these children. I admired and envied their wonderful capacity for self expression, for assertiveness, and for bluntness. I found myself thinking, 'if only adults were more like this, my god that would be fun!' I wanted to play with them. I wanted to act goofy and to sing with them. I was then overwhelmed with sadness and began to weep heavily after the realization that I couldn't go back and do these things. I then thought that what is even more sad is not the fact that I cannot go back, but the fact that I spent my childhood watching the fun rather than having the fun. 

Everyday that I had spent staring at a television was an opportunity to sing, and laugh, and play with my parents or my sister that will be forever missed. 



Another observation is that there were no monotone kids! Because I was never listened to as a child, I never got use to modulating the note of my voice, so I'm can sound quite monotone and not even hear it in myself.  Stef, thankfully, gently pointed this out to me. "I would really like to hear your voice come alive", he said. Thanks again for your feedback, Stef.  I would too. 


Also, what shocked me was the reactions the children and others had when the elephant character would keep making mistakes. I have become so accustomed to be shamed or humiliated after making an error, that I've developed strong perfectionist standards, which require that I "get it right the first time!". But here, there was no shaming. When the elephant makes a mistake nobody says in a sharp tone, "I told you to be careful, you should have listened!" Everyone reacted with curiosity, compassion, and eagerness to help. And when whatever problem was solved everyone cheered. 

And when the children explains to the elephant why what she did was a bad idea they bluntly say, "I understand your intention, but the way you fixed it was wrong." After knocking over a fence and telling the train what happened the train just says, "oh, and did you learn anything?"


Anyways, the film was an incredible learning experience. I felt like my adult and child self were looking at one another simultaneously with the same amount of astonishment asking each other, "woah, you talk that negatively to yourself, how come?", "woah, you talk that compassionately to yourself, how come?"

[Mac]

Hey, Joel. Thanks for sharing; this was quite helpful, especially since I have no shortage of "get it right the first time!"  voices hollering at me whenever I go about my daily activities. There is no shortage of denigrating/lecturing/know-it-all parts in my mecosystem, and seeing these children interact with one another without any criticism or belitting is something I'd like to model for my inner self. It's funny how we can glean valuable stuff from something like a VHS tape that a parent pops into the VCR to keep their little one occupied.

[MysterionMuffles]

Yeah Joel thank you very much for sharing. Man...your words are freaky in that they really resonated with me. What were the events and thoughts that made you want to think about this more deeply and watch this old VHS?

 

 

 

I found myself thinking, 'if only adults were more like this, my god that would be fun!' I wanted to play with them. I wanted to act goofy and to sing with them. I was then overwhelmed with sadness and began to weep heavily after the realization that I couldn't go back and do these things. I then thought that what is even more sad is not the fact that I cannot go back, but the fact that I spent my childhood watching the fun rather than having the fun.

 

While I never watched shows like this as a kid or like Barney or anything...I had this same feeling seeing other kids playing during recess when I had no friends for 1st and 2nd grade. I always wished I could join, but I too was not modeled any social skills that could help me feel free in just going up to these other kids and asking if I could join. This paragraph filled me with sadness especially when you said you realize you couldn't go back...and even knowing that intellectually, emotionally I still feel stunted by this realization in my daily life.

 

 

 

Also, what shocked me was the reactions the children and others had when the elephant character would keep making mistakes. I have become so accustomed to be shamed or humiliated after making an error, that I've developed strong perfectionist standards, which require that I "get it right the first time!". But here, there was no shaming. When the elephant makes a mistake nobody says in a sharp tone, "I told you to be careful, you should have listened!" Everyone reacted with curiosity, compassion, and eagerness to help. And when whatever problem was solved everyone cheered. 

 

And when the children explains to the elephant why what she did was a bad idea they bluntly say, "I understand your intention, but the way you fixed it was wrong." After knocking over a fence and telling the train what happened the train just says, "oh, and did you learn anything?"

 

Isn't it funny that TV shows usually have the answer in how to communicate with each other peacefully, yet almost nowhere in the world do you see this kind of openness, compassion and curiousity? 

 

 

 

Anyways, the film was an incredible learning experience. I felt like my adult and child self were looking at one another simultaneously with the same amount of astonishment asking each other, "woah, you talk that negatively to yourself, how come?", "woah, you talk that compassionately to yourself, how come?"

 

You know what...this reminds me. Remember the conversations we had a couple months ago about my interest in MLP? I'm not sure if I mentioned this when I was geeking out about its objective merits. The subjective merits of My Little Pony, I think are actually more important and other Bronies should look into--but the subjective reasons I watch this cartoon is because what you said here captures how I feel. It's like I'm watching with my adult self. My child self is getting the touchy feely emotional show he didn't get after school, or hell at home, which is why he based all of his value in life through media. My adult self while watching helps rationalizes the morals taught in the episode and also gets inspired by the writing at the conscious level, while unconsciously my child self sits back and lets the drama play out for his own entertainment. Together, I feel like both subsets of myself interact in a way of reparenting myself in saying, "yes this is entertaining, but what have we learned today?" Even as a kid I remember digging deep for meaning in what I watched, but as I mentioned before, I was horribly disappointed in not finding it watching stupid empty shows like Dragon Ball Z.

 

ANYWAYS I'm gonna think about what you've provided here and see if I can apply that to my life and my interest in MLP a bit deeper. Wouldn't want to dominate the thread with ponderings of my self as I also do want some answers to the questions I asked at the beginning of my post.

 

Thanks for this post, it helped me discover a few more realizations in myself!