Conflict resolution in IFS

[Olle Persson]

Since starting IFS-therapy 6 months ago I've gain insight to a ongoing conflict I've had for a long time but I don't seem to get anywhere to resolve the conflict.

 

The conflict is between these two parts.

 

Part 1. The protector

 

90-95% of the days I'm overtaken by a protective part that limits/shut down almost all emotions, some days are better than others but this is the general theme. This makes me feel tired and causes a lack of energy/motivation throughout the day, and I find little/no enjoyment out of most things. What I've come to understand is that the part believes it needs to do this because it is protecting myself from exiles threatening to arise and overwhelm the system and it feels that it isn't safe to open the system up. This is still true during therapy although I think it has gotten a little better there. 

 

Part 2. The trying part.

 

The trying part is a manager who tries to manage my life, keep it organized and he takes the lead in the IFS-work. He's like a kid that has taken on the parental role and believes he's alone in leading the system. This part is in conflict with the protector part because he's trying to get the protector part to step aside. Since a manager isn't the Self and doesn't have the healing capacities of empathy, love, etc the protector won't let him get into contact with any of the hurt parts.

 

The solution?

 

The solution could be to get to know the trying part, to get him to understand that he doesn't need to lead the system, that he's not alone and doesn't have to take on that role.

 

But this fails because I (the protector) can't find or feel any curiosity/appreciation towards him. So if I ask if the protector could step back to allow me to feel curiosity/appreciation/more self energy towards him, but its the trying part that does the asking. So naturally the protector won't step back.

 

This is the never ending loop, and the trying part eventually just gives up and say  "Fuck it, I have no idea what to do, What the fuck am I suppose to do". It's like the conflict occurs in the investigation room and I'm behind the semi transparent window observing and they believe no else is there.

 

Is there anyone who has gone trough similar situation or have some tips on how to better resolve the situation?

[Yeravos]

But this fails because I (the protector) can't find or feel any curiosity/appreciation towards him. So if I ask if the protector could step back to allow me to feel curiosity/appreciation/more self energy towards him, but its the trying part that does the asking. So naturally the protector won't step back.

 

 

Have you tried to ask the Trying part to step aside so you can get to know it better?

 

Also, I would recommend the IFS book ''Resolving Inner Conflict'' by Jay Earley. It deals with parts locking you in conflict.

[Olle Persson]

I'll try.. or do that when I get home. What usually happens is that the trying part is asking himself to step aside. I suspect though that I wont feel curious about him. I'll check out the book, thanks for the tip.

[TheMatrixHasMe]

"the protector won't let him get into contact with any of the hurt parts."

 

I am not a mental health professional, or anything of that sort. So it is up to you to decide to proceed with exploring the question I am going to suggest below. I don't know you, nor do even remotely suggest that consider my question at all. It might best be explored with a mental health professional trained in this IFS approach. 

 

So here's the question you may want to consider, or not;

Have you asked the Protector why they won't let the Trying part get in touch with the other parts?

 

Also, have you asked the Protector and Trying parts for their names?

[Olle Persson]

I'm seeing a trained therapist although he has taken vacation for a few weeks. The protector isn't very talkative, but its funny, I've never gotten the name of parts, I can ask but I won't get a response.