The cycle of abuse: Your Grandmamay is a fucken monster

[aFireInside]

      I’m going to write about how abuse is transferred and maintained through the family. I will use

 

a personal example by explaining the root of my feelings of worthlessness and shame.

 

 

     I recently have made big life decisions, one of those decisions was to drop out and start

 

working to eventually move out. In my quest to find a job I came across my shame and feelings of

 

worthlessness. I have realized that my mother put these feelings in me as a child. She treats

 

everyone including strangers better than me. This imprinted in my head that I'm worthless. I

 

realized that asking for something like a job application is extremely hard for me. I faced my fear a

 

couple of days ago but soon realized that I was mentally torturing myself. I say this because I still

 

live with my parents and everyday they reenforce my feelings of worthlessness. This is the same

 

as a rape victim who is still continually being raped, forcing herself to talk to a bunch of shady

 

looking men and expecting for her fear to go away. I realized the first step is not to face my fears

 

but to move out of an environment in which I'm being constantly abused. Only after that will I

 

consider facing my fears. I couldn't figure out why I forced myself to do this, because most

 

businesses have online applications. Showing up feeling worthless to talk to a manager will not

 

accomplish much. I don't have this feeling when I go to interviews because I'm not asking for

 

anything and the manager is doing his job but when I show up to a busy store and "bother" the

 

manager the feelings come up. There is a pattern, as a kid I was shamed for asking for things and

 

was made to feel like I'm not equal with everyone else. As an adult I still experience this in my

 

environment. 

 

     

     This made me remember a conversation I had with my grandmother a couple of months ago. I

 

was talking about all the neglect me and my siblings received from my mother. She agreed that it

 

was wrong she even gave me and interesting quote. She said "a kid needs more than a provider,

 

a kid also needs a teacher and a companion". Exactly! As soon as I said you can do something

 

about this, my younger brother is suffering from my parents neglect. You can talk to my parents

 

since they respect you. All of a sudden she started talking about forgiveness and how she

 

forgave her parents for their neglect. What a fucken cop out. As soon as she was given moral

 

responsibility she dodged it like a fucken slimy demonic rat. I put myself in her head a couple of

 

days ago and I realized how evil she is. If she would stand up for my younger brothers life, her

 

abuse would also be uncovered. My mother would have said "didn't you treat us worst?". So

 

instead of standing up for a kid she puts his body in front of her to shield her from her sins, no

 

wonder she is so religious. Religion alleviates her guilt, she is truly evil.

 

     After Listening to many podcast where listeners defend their "nice" grandparents. I came up

 

with the idea to write about my experience. I want to propose a rule of thumb. If your

 

grandparents raised your abusive parents your grandparents are fucken evil and are only acting

 

nice because they are not in a position to rock the boat. This is why grandparents might seem

 

nice and sweet most of the time. 

[jacbot]

Good post and totally agree,

You are drawing the line, a dam against perpetual historical passing on of dysfunction.

 

Get a job fast , move out and you will see that a job will bring into contact with a lot of positive people and perhaps customer facing experiences , wich is a better education that middel school (I assume you are in USA so i dont really know your educ system)

 

Bring stability in your life first and then think about the next step.

[aFireInside]

Thanks for reading, yeah it was hard for me to see this in the beginning. 

[RachelAnn]

So sorry about your brother Ivan. I have been noticing this a lot lately with grandparents and the elderly. I actually got into a conversation with my mother about my fathers family. All of the women married abusive men and allowed abuse in the home with their children. I was trying to get to the bottom of this, and was asking my mother how my father's parents contributed to the dysfunction. My mother swore that the home was happy and everyone was always happy and singing. She said that all of the women who married into abuse were "naive" and "too trusting" because they were loved so much. God forbid my sweet old grandparents would have ANY accountability for this. I also see this in a friends family with the grandparents, they are so cherished and praised, for having raised 5 children through tough times, yet all of the children are severely fucked, overweight, controlling, abusive, and so on. It infuriates me!!! It's like they get to a certain age and they are debt free from any kind of responsibility for the lives they have hurt and destroyed.  I'm calling shenanigans. 

[Seansoup]

Hey Ivan, it is terrible to learn that most people are complete hypocrites and will placate you with absolute lies about their morals until you confront them.

 

My grandmother refuses to acknowledge the abuse that she had allowed to happen to my father at the dinner table. My grandfather force-fed my dad and my aunt at the dinner table when they did not finish their meals. At my grandfather's wake my dad did not say anything during the period where everyone was spewing lies about this monster in order to perpetuate myths about his character. He was still expected to say something because his mother was urging him by saying him name in a toxic tone. Instead my mother spouted some bullshit that 'he is living through all of his grandkids' or some other nonsense that i cannot recall. It is insane to me that my parents would even attend such an event in order to placate an evil woman who is the controlling matriarch that restricted my family's capacity to lead their own lives and make their own choices by conning them into living on one of their property's.

 

I can relate to your story as well as your description of your grandma. I hope you realize that you're not alone and that the evil people in the world do not possess any power except that which we allow them to hold over us.

[aFireInside]

Thanks for reading Rachel & Sean , thank you for your understanding. : )

 

 

 I hope you realize that you're not alone and that the evil people in the world do not possess any power except that which we allow them to hold over us.

 

Yes, I do realize that.