Dog Abuse born of Unconscious Resentment towards Relationship Partner - Therapy, Ayahuasca, and the Aftermath

[shnugwa]

This post was written during the worst period of time after the most traumatic events of my entire life. I have redacted it, and apologize to those who read it for sharing this experience here.

On the bright side, I have been in therapy for ~2 years and am happier, healthier, and wiser than ever before.

 

Peace

[FattyWatt]

i am so sorry, ur problems sound like they stem from traumatic events... how do u feel about that (beating the dog) incident now?

[dayna j.]

I feel no sympathy for you whatsoever.  You describe torturing and abusing this animal in great dramatic detail, as if you are recounting scenes from some video game--without the slightest discernible trace of remorse or emotional connection with anything other than your own confused, misplaced rage.  This is truly sickening behaviour, and I am fearful for the other animals (and people!) that are exposed to your brutal psychopathy. 

 

You need professional help far beyond what this community is capable of providing.

[Wesley]

I am noticing that you stopped the narrative with an event that happened somewhere around a year ago at a horrible point where you had just committed violent abuse and then are self-hating because of that.

 

Earlier in the post, you also said that you have been seeking therapy and working on self-knowledge, so anything I say in reply would likely be outdated and irrelevant.

 

If this had happened recently, I would tell you to get into therapy ASAP as you are beginning to solidify someone very violent in your personality and for your sake and the sake of the people and animals around you, you need to get help before it is too late.

 

However, I think that any advice I give may not be relevant and that you are telling the story and stopping at such a horrific point in order to elicit such reactions from the people who read your post.

 

Why do you think you stopped at that point in the story and why did you want to share that story?

 

I would be very interested to know.

[jacbot]

Wow,..., dont know what to say,...., the story is grewsome.

 

This relationship took me to the lowest crevasse of depression thus far in my life, and has taken hundreds of hours of diligent podcasting, meditation, therapy, and self-work to scale the walls of despair back into normalcy. My goal is to explore the degree of self-knowledge surrounding this particular incident that I have acquired so that I may effectively prevent any remotely similar occurances from taking place in the future. The events in this post primarily occured about one full year ago, with Stefan's much needed intervention into my life taking place not even 3 months ago. My apologies for the lengthy account:

 

Where are you in your life right now? Are you with the gf? Is the dog still in your house?

 

While you are working through this it is best to not put you in a situation that would incur this rage in you.

[TheFreeMarketIsAnarchy]

I feel no sympathy for you whatsoever.  You describe torturing and abusing this animal in great dramatic detail, as if you are recounting scenes from some video game--without the slightest discernible trace of remorse or emotional connection with anything other than your own confused, misplaced rage.  This is truly sickening behaviour, and I am fearful for the other animals (and people!) that are exposed to your brutal psychopathy. 

 

You need professional help far beyond what this community is capable of providing.

I am inclined to want to agree with this. I wish I had never read the post, in doing so I feel confused, disturbed and upset. Did this happen before the poster called Stef? If so is the dog mentioned in the call? Only deep issues with anger/violent impulses and lack of empathy can produce behaviour like this I think because it was NOT necessary in any way. The dysfunction of the relationship and your girlfriend cannot be blamed for this. The problem could have been dealt with in a million ways, the dog was not the problem. This is sadism with an  excuse. This has upset me substantially, especially the graphic detail of the account and then the sudden ending of the post. This feels like a horrible way to inflict the traumatic nature of these events on members of the board without any reconciliation with them after they have been described. To the poster I really hope you can find out where this is coming from before anything like this happens again. 

[Kaki]

This feels like a horrible way to inflict the traumatic nature of these events on members of the board without any reconciliation with them after they have been described.

I completely agree with this.

This post is deeply disturbing and I would have appreciated a warning at the beginning of it or in the title.

 

 

We engaged in reckless unprotected gooey sex (...)

One of the things I kept thinking was: Thank god your girlfriend didn't get pregnant!

 

 

I very much hope you are and have been in therapy with a very good therapist.

[J. D. Stembal]

I read through all that because I wanted to know if you got back together with Jasmine. I was hoping not. Now, I am less concerned with that, and more concerned with your latent rage and violent tendencies. This probably would have been a more deserving topic for your original call in.

 

I am completely aghast by your actions, but also sympathetic. As a child, I would pick on the family dog by blowing air in her face and flicking her nose with my finger. I felt confused and upset about why I behaved in that way. in retrospect, I enjoyed having the power to torment a living being below me that did not fight back. I provoked her into biting me once, and that's when I realized that my abusive behavior had to stop. It was her way of attempting to assert boundaries with me. Abusive force only respects an opposing force. I am really upset for you, your ex, and the maligned creature you hated and tortured because I know where these feelings hide. 

 

Thank you for being brutally honest, but I don't think we can handle 3000 more words of detailed horrors against helpless animals. You know that we need to start talking about the rage inside you and the cause of it. Were you a helpless animal to your parents? Hopefully, we can help you empathize with yourself as a child and talk about how badly you were bullied.