CallMeViolet Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade it for anything; it's just seeing my life for what it was/ is has/ is one of the scariest things I've ever done/ gone through. I realized that coming from a broken home as I have has made it incredibly difficult for me to identify a healthy relationship... Almost at al... I realized I can't really think of one relationship I'm completely satisfied with.. Because even in the relationships where people are good to me, they're still very either insensitive or indifferent to themselves. I believe to be fare to everyone you have to be fare to yourself. Otherwise you're pretty much just completely ruining the possibility of a real relationship. Nothing sounds good about that to me... Anywhoo, my point is it's incredibly lonely and overwhelming... I really hate to think I'm the only person who gets that. In fact I don't it's possible I'm the only one who gets that. I would like to find others to discus s these things with. Thank you fot your time. Sorry about the terrible spelling and spacing. my phone is screwy.
NGardner Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 You may be lonely now but that is because your relationships were built on false ideas. However, now that you are experiencing truth in your relationships you achieve the capability to truly connect with someone. If this were easy, everyone would do it. Amazing relationships are rare and that is why everybody wants them. 1
_LiveFree_ Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Hey Violet, yup. Seeing yourself and the world for what it really is is the scariest thing you'll ever do in your life. The process of waking up isn't lonely, you're just now acknowledging how lonely you've been. This is the path to finding real love with yourself and a few other very special people. No matter how tough it gets, be gentle with yourself and keep moving. Life is always changing. What is here today is gone tomorrow. What you think you're lacking may be just around the corner. Thanks for your post! Nate
MMX2010 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I've only been listening to these podcasts for seven months, so I definitely remember the fear you're dealing with now. I can only say that you don't know how bad your family and relationships were until you ultimately realize how bad your family and relationships were. Right now, you get the correct sense that those relationships are unhealthy, but you don't realize how unhealthy they really were. And without that realization, there's always a small temptation to just quit this self-knowledge thing and return to family and old relationships, hoping for the best.
Tony Crowe Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 CallMeViolet, Yes, it's brutal. How are you going about becoming self aware? What is your emotional pain tolerance? -Tony
RachelAnn Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I think everyone has their own process of "getting to the other side". I am starting to make the necessary changes to move forward and it's the scariest thing I've ever done but I can't stop because the truth has already been revealed to me, and I can't get enough if it. As hard as it is, the dreams I have for the future and the relationships that I can envision are pushing me through .
CallMeViolet Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 No there's absolutely no going back.. I don't want to.. I realized just how bad a lot of the relationships are; like my parents, but some of the friends and my grandma were the hardest. I know it's gonna be worth it. I know talking helps. I was so happy when I seen that people are so helpful on here. Thanks for the support you guys. I'm really trying to make healthy relationships. I thought this would be a good place to start looking for some of those special people.
Alin Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 You look like Trinity from the Matrix. You are right, there's no going back. And that's the beauty of it. Once you've seen the truth you can't go back to seeing things the way you saw them before. Once you took the red pill, even if you want to go back, you'll still know the truth
CallMeViolet Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Even if I wanted to I couldn't. You can't handle it once you're aware. It's like you've been in a " nut house" your entire life and suddenly someone shows you you yourself aren't crazy like them. They just made you think you were crazy and you can't just allow yourself to actually become crazy. Not now that you know. I want to say I used the term "nut house" to give the idea of what mental hospitals used to be like. A literal mental hospital today is by far in my opinion a better home then a home where you're abused all the time. I mean no offenses to psychiatry. lol Also I don't look like Trinity... 0-0 lol I look like Violet effin Evans!
Mango Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 Hi Violet, I empathize with what you're saying; you are not alone in how you're feeling. I have felt overwhelmed & lonely at times going through this process. In my childhood I feared that if I was myself, I would be abandoned. In a way, being myself or admitting the truth about my family would = death, so that fear comes from an understandable place. I just watched this video on relationships and I think it touches on what you're saying; you may find it validating, as I did: 1
Recommended Posts