I De-FOOed and made a game

[J-William]

So I just released a game, it's currently available on Amazon's android store, I will soon be launching iOS and Google play versions…It's a fairly simple game, and pretty fun. My daughter even likes it  

 

But that's not really what I wanted to talk about. I made this game after breaking off contact from my family of origin. I do not think I would have been able to make this game if I were still in contact with my family of origin.

 

About December of last year, I had been doing a good deal of intense journaling and I finally finished the book "toxic parents" by Susan Forward. In the book she recommends writing letters to each parent. I wrote a letter to my father which was fairly easy because he was more obviously abusive angry and nasty. But I think it was after writing the letter to my mother that the decision finally became clear.

 

About a year and a half before this point I had made an attempt at a direct confrontation and had gotten the usual bullshit and denials. My father who is a retired lawyer and otherwise has excellent memory couldn't remember any spanking that he did. They were also completely unwilling to take any responsibility for causing or failing to stop the bullying which I suffered for the first eight or nine years I was in school.

 

Another important factor in the decision was my parents pressuring me to video call them on Skype so they could see my daughter. Everytime they would call or e-mail I would feel really annoyed.

 

My daughter turned two in October. So as negative harmful parents would say she's in the terrible twos… But my daughter has been raised peacefully with two very loving parents (and a very large ocean separating her from my parents) , and so she has been a most delightful little girl.

Now I think seeing my own daughter turn two was important in the de-FOO process. Because it was so clear the difference between my parents and my wife and I. I mean my parents thought it was hilarious to record me on video when I was just a few months old crying for like eight minutes straight.

 

Anyhow I broke off contact in December. After that I felt very free and when people asked if I was going to see my parents or speak to them I said "no I don't feel like it".

 

So after breaking off contact I felt great and eight months later still feel great. But in that time I was looking around and realizing that my current job is not  satisfying and won't be in the future and I need to make a change. After some searching for ideas I decided that software development would be a good field.

 

In the last few months I have regained the locus of control and have made significant progress in changing careers. I decided to learn to program, and have stuck with it through the hard patches... The first time I decided to learn to program was using BASIC on the commodore 64 in the 80s, then I tried qbasic on a PC and picked up a book on C in the 90s. In university I took an intro computer science for non-majors course and flunked it hard because the going got tough. and most recently I tried learning Python, and again when it got hard I just gave up.

 

I was always told how smart I was and did not teach me about the merits of hard work. Most things came super easy to me in school so I didn't learn to work hard there, and later when things became harder (like calculus...) I didn't know where to start.

On a recent podcast Stef is talking to a guy who feels like there's a secret that everyone knows about life that he doesn't know. Stef says that there is no such thing, but in that case he's wrong because there is something that these other people know about that the caller doesn't know. He doesn't know about asking other people for help. That's a secret that is only a secret to people who have been raised by unhelpful parents in a society where no one reaches out to them and tries to help them.

 

 I feel so much more able to do what I set my mind to even if it is challenging.

 

I mean for instance it is a pain setting up the various developer accounts to distribute the game. especially with all the tax stuff and the fact I don't live in the US. And then of course there's all of the steps of learning how to program and learning how to use various applications that I needed to use to develop my game. And even though it is a very simple game it's amazing just how complicated all of those steps are for somebody who has never really completed anything more complicated than "Hello World!"

 

The psychological state that I was in whenever I was in contact with my parents was different.I always felt this dread and had a constant need to distract myself.

I didn't feel free to think or dream big. I didn't feel as free to do something that wasn't very good and fail. I don't really know but I just feel so much different now.

 

In that same time that I've been learning to program and building apps I've also nearly finished a novel that I started working on when I was in seventh grade. Now maybe it's not worth finishing but it's been sticking in my mind for so long I just have to get it out.

 

How has De-fooing changed your life and helped you psychologically?

 

Oh yes, and the link to the game is http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00LSH142W Please give it a look. I really think it's fun. Even if you don't I'd appreciate feedback on the presentation, I know the graphics aren't great, but I haven't stopped playing it since the earliest builds (and believe me the graphics were worse then). It should work on any android device.

[jacbot]

HI,..

 

First I empathise with your situation and it looks like a funny game. Its people become more selfactualized when toxic relationships are dumped.  this is very true.

 

Your quote:"...I feel so much more able to do what I set my mind to even if it is challenging..."

 

Very very true,.., People look at external factors like "need college", "apprentership",..., but again it is people like you who show that a bit of a selfstarter can move mountains and get things done.

 

PS:

 

I dont have andriod,.do you have a youtube movie to see the action-motion of your game? I think it would be cool to watch.

[Alin]

Wow that's great. Awesome. Anyway here's what I think: For most people, I think trying to get their parents to admit their abuse only gives the parents another opportunity to try and hummiliate the abused child (now an adult). I know this thread isn't about me but I know this to be the case for me and it probably was for you too. I tried just a little bit, like testing to see what kind of responses I would get and just like you, complete denial or " I was stressed".

 

So I will make a list, with everything that they did to me. Things like being locked in the elevator and being yelled at for not growing fast enough, etc. And when the time comes, and I will be strong enough to be financially independent, I will go back for one last time, and tell them to sit down. Then I will read the list out loud to them, together with anything else that comes to my mind, without trying to get any apologies, (cause I know they won' t come anyway), no restitution (as if that were possible), nothing. Then I will end it, stating that we will never see eachother, and never talk to eachother, ever again. My revenge will not be violent, as you were to me. My revenge will be the fact that you will die alone.

 

Ooops got a little carried away there, sorry, I know it's your thread and I don't want to make it about me but I felt the need to say this. We know they will never apologize, and if they do, it will be bullshit non-apologies. So if you can, cut the ties with no remorse.

[J-William]

HI,..

 

First I empathise with your situation and it looks like a funny game. Its people become more selfactualized when toxic relationships are dumped.  this is very true.

 

Your quote:"...I feel so much more able to do what I set my mind to even if it is challenging..."

 

Very very true,.., People look at external factors like "need college", "apprentership",..., but again it is people like you who show that a bit of a selfstarter can move mountains and get things done.

 

PS:

 

I dont have andriod,.do you have a youtube movie to see the action-motion of your game? I think it would be cool to watch.

Yes I'll post the video when I've made it :-D

 

I am trying to get things sorted and actually start promoting my game to get people to buy it.

 

It's a lot of work and I'm still working on this "being a self-starter" thing. It's a lot to learn, I mean for instance I can improve the game I just released, or I could work on selling it, or I could work on the next project which is a very exciting project, but if I do that I won't make any money from the already released game and I'll feel lousy that no one bought my game... and I haven't done any journaling today! oh goodness what will I do?

 

anyway you get the gist, just managing my tasks in a sensible way without getting overwhelmed and turning to the internet for some distraction is something I'm still learning to do.

[jacbot]

I short in game movie would really promote, and you also need the feedback of what people like and what they dont like.

[aFireInside]

Nice!, do you have a demo video? I want to see it but unfortunately i don't have an android device. 

 

 

 

Can you explain in more detail what you felt when you defooed? 

For example: did it give you more energy ?

[J-William]

I short in game movie would really promote, and you also need the feedback of what people like and what they dont like.

 

Here we are, a little demo video. Have a look

[jacbot]

Nice,

 

I get the feeling the green "blob" is a flyswatter or something...,

 

Could you add a little extra like when 2 fireflies accidently meet they would multiply... or when you hit a fly they turn into flowers or blocks (obstructing other fireflies).

 

maybe a frog/cameleon at the bottom using its tungue to catch the fireflies.

 

I am just brainstorming take everything with a grain of salt and pepper.

[J-William]

Nice,

 

I get the feeling the green "blob" is a flyswatter or something...,

 

Could you add a little extra like when 2 fireflies accidently meet they would multiply... or when you hit a fly they turn into flowers or blocks (obstructing other fireflies).

 

maybe a frog/cameleon at the bottom using its tungue to catch the fireflies.

 

I am just brainstorming take everything with a grain of salt and pepper.

Thanks for the feedback! I hadn't thought about it in terms of fireflies or a flyswatter, but I see how that makes sense. 

 

I could see multiplying when they hit as being a very interesting game mechanic, and it would literally be a single line of code... You can actually see when they meet because they give off an extra burst of light, and there's a glitch where they get stuck inside eachother.

 

I'm trying to walk the line between too little and too much. It reminds me of play writing. :-P

I wrote a play in college that was really funny when the cast did a seated reading, but by the time we actually staged the thing it was a hot mess! I rewrote some stuff with the "help" of a friend and added some slap-stick bits and the director had done plenty of messing of her own.

 

It's very hard to tell when you've gone too far. 

[jacbot]

Thanks for the feedback! I hadn't thought about it in terms of fireflies or a flyswatter, but I see how that makes sense. 

 

I could see multiplying when they hit as being a very interesting game mechanic, and it would literally be a single line of code... You can actually see when they meet because they give off an extra burst of light, and there's a glitch where they get stuck inside eachother.

 

I'm trying to walk the line between too little and too much. It reminds me of play writing. :-P

I wrote a play in college that was really funny when the cast did a seated reading, but by the time we actually staged the thing it was a hot mess! I rewrote some stuff with the "help" of a friend and added some slap-stick bits and the director had done plenty of messing of her own.

 

It's very hard to tell when you've gone too far. 

 

What language do you use for Andriod (?) development,..., did you use a gaming library?

[J-William]

What language do you use for Andriod (?) development,..., did you use a gaming library?

I'm using Gamemaker Studio. It's made for 2D games, and simplifies much of the process of making games. It's also not limited to android, so I can make the game and release it for almost any platform out there.

 

I really like it. It's simple enough that a kid can make a game, but powerful enough that many successful games have been made on it.

[jacbot]

I'm using Gamemaker Studio. It's made for 2D games, and simplifies much of the process of making games. It's also not limited to android, so I can make the game and release it for almost any platform out there.

 

I really like it. It's simple enough that a kid can make a game, but powerful enough that many successful games have been made on it.

 

Thanks,, I will google.