I need to talk about these things...

[CallMeViolet]

Being that I was born into violence I was subjected and exposed to endless, sadistic forms of physical and psychological horrors. Almost on a daily bases.

My abuse is unique in that it really shows the correlations of violence throughout the generations directly. I was born last; the only girl out of three children. I was roughly five and six years younger than my brothers so I really was quite small comparatively.

It probably started getting really bad around when I was like eight I believe... My dad had probably lost his really good factory job at this point or something but whatever it was it started his drinking worse. So by the time I had really bonded with my brothers my dad must have started drinking really heavy because I was really small when my brothers started beating me up.

They would practice wrestling moves on me; even though the stuff they were watching was fake, what they were doing to me was very real, very traumatic and painful. Suddenly these boys who meant the world to me; ( my mother bragged about how she hardly had to do anything because they were pretty much taking care of me.), not only typically didn't want me around but, when they did it was mostly just so they could physically and emotionally abuse me.

It of course got worse as their abuse got worse; as they got older and much stronger than I. Also much more twisted and aggressive.. A few examples are things like taking turns holding me under the water so I couldn't breathe, choking me with a phone cord, and punching me in the stomach so hard it knocked the wind out of me.

My parents always just said stuff like " it's pecking order" or " stay away from them." If they did do anything it was just hitting and screaming. No one in our family tried to help us. I try to talk to people now and most don't want to hear about it. some insult me and say they don't need to deal with my crazy bullshit problems...

So I'm now aware this is because I don't know true affection...

Not only did these things happen but when I was 16 a much older man acted like really cared about me manipulated me onto sex; he was psychologicaly abusive and we would physically fight quite a bit.. He actually raped me at one point. Before that though my mother was actually driving me to his apartment and helping me hide it from my father.

When I was 16 a year-old I was actually passing blood in my stool.. The small nearby doctor wasn't sure and no follow action was taken and I ended up in an er at 19 years old with a large part of my intestines removed and a temporary colostomy bag..

I luckily don't have one now.. Now I just have to stab myself in the thigh with a pen injection so my immune system doesn't try to murder me...

So don't get me wrong I get it. It's intense; people need to listen to us victims of child abuse... If you want the world to change we all need to empathize towards everyone a lot more. Some people are literally mean to me when I try to open up.

I think a lot of us just need someone to listen. I don't except you to fix anything; just don't walk away like everyone else. We need to know people can be different; people can be good.

I myself am proof people can change; not everyone who is abused is a bad person. Some of us at least deserve a chance to be heard.

[cynicist]

A few examples are things like taking turns holding me under the water so I couldn't breathe, choking me with a phone cord, and punching me in the stomach so hard it knocked the wind out of me.My parents always just said stuff like " it's pecking order" or " stay away from them." 

 

Pecking order indeed. They abuse your brothers and your brothers abuse you. I hate these fucking people. How are you supposed to 'stay away from them' at eight years old?

 

I try to talk to people now and most don't want to hear about it. some insult me and say they don't need to deal with my crazy bullshit problems... 

 

Please guard your heart. These vile people will stomp on it just to hang on to the empty fantasies that they call their family history.

[Omega 3 snake oil]

Violet, I am truly sorry to hear what you're been through. It takes a lot of strength to face all that, so good job.

 

It's intense; people need to listen to us victims of child abuse... If you want the world to change we all need to empathize towards everyone a lot more. Some people are literally mean to me when I try to open up.I think a lot of us just need someone to listen. I don't except you to fix anything; just don't walk away like everyone else. We need to know people can be different; people can be good.I myself am proof people can change; not everyone who is abused is a bad person. Some of us at least deserve a chance to be heard.

Agreed 100%. You should be proud you haven't lost your heart

[DaVinci]

I feel very sorry that you had such a traumatic childhood, and that the people around you did not acknowledge your trauma. I don't think anyone here thinks you are a bad person because you were abused. Many people here have suffered abuse in some form or another. We are all here to listen to you whenever you feel like talking.

[Frosty]

I'm sorry to hear you went through such a horrible childhood, no one should have to suffer through that. If you feel the need to open up and discuss these issues it might be worth seeing a therapist, it would be a good idea to understand if this has caused any long term damage, it's bad enough that you have to live through the trauma but you don't want to suffer long term effects of it, that's something that if you need to, you can look at dealing with.

 

I know most of the FDR members are willing to listen and offer advise if you ever need a place to vent or talk about your feelings.

[Triumph]

I am angry.  WTF!  Was there no one to protect you from this fucking hell as a child?!

[MMX2010]

The hardest thing that Stefan's podcasts have taught me about both my own childhood-neglect at the hands of my parents and my own adult-neglect at the hands of society-as-a-whole is that neither of those is personal. 

 

My parents would've neglected me whether I was their first-born son or first-born daughter, whether I was top-of-the-class, middle-of-the-class, bottom-of-the-class, or high-school dropout, whether I dated all the pretty girls or no girls whatsoever.  My father would've remained narcissistically self-pitying to the point where he would've always blamed my mother for everything bad in the universe, which would've inevitably fueled my neglect at their hands. 

 

And society?  Those assholes would've concluded that "They don't need to hear this...." no matter how much variance was in the details of my upbringing, and no matter how I told my story. 

 

So I don't know the degree to which you either: (1) take your parents' abuse personally - (i.e. - blaming yourself for not being "good enough" to earn their love), or (2) take society's rejection personally - (i.e. - assuming that you would have many intimate, healthy, and friendly connections with more-and-more people if you hadn't been abused as a child).  But in my case, I was very high in both categories before I listened to Stefan.  And now I'm very low in both categories. 

 

And I've never been happier. 

[CallMeViolet]

There were plenty of people who could have helped. I can't imagine it really would have been to hard considering how known the abuse was. my family just ignored it really..

I used to take it personally but I've realized I'm not hurting anyone so I can't imagine how any of it is because of me.

I will say I NEED to work on identifying good people. That's for damn sure. I'm so glad I started an account on here. Thanks you guys!

Oh and also yes; I hate those people to... They don't deserve to be thought of as parents. I want people to know when someone is terrible. I'm done protecting them from the reality of their own mistakes... My father used to get drunk and cry about himself and his terrible childhood. "You guys think I'm a horrible father; you all hate me!" "No dad! We love you." Actually yes. You're the worst p.o.s I've had the displeasure of meeting... Fuckin... I hate it when they'd put me on like that. obviously I can't fuckin stand you! You've made my life a living hell!

[Triumph]

There were plenty of people who could have helped. I can't imagine it really would have been to hard considering how known the abuse was. my family just ignored it really..I used to take it personally but I've realized I'm not hurting anyone so I can't imagine how any of it is because of me.I will say I NEED to work on identifying good people. That's for damn sure. I'm so glad I started an account on here. Thanks you guys!Oh and also yes; I hate those people to... They don't deserve to be thought of as parents. I want people to know when someone is terrible. I'm done protecting them from the reality of their own mistakes... My father used to get drunk and cry about himself and his terrible childhood. "You guys think I'm a horrible father; you all hate me!" "No dad! We love you." Actually yes. You're the worst p.o.s I've had the displeasure of meeting... Fuckin... I hate it when they'd put me on like that. obviously I can't fuckin stand you! You've made my life a living hell!

 

There is no perfect way of identifying good people.  The best way to start though is figuring out your own moral boundaries and then comparing the actions of others with them.  If someone does something  you would never let yourself do, don't waste anymore time on them.  Waiting for bad people to change is a waste of time compared to meeting new, hopefully good, people. 

 

Go on if you can with your story.  FDR is a safe place to unload the shit in your life.  I don't know you and you don't know me.  We're all strangers here.  It's like writing into a journal that sometimes writes back.

[Devon Gibbons]

I don't know how much of a bond you had with your brothers, but I don't think most good bonds turn into violence that easily.

 

My sister would choke me, and that was her choice. No event in particular made her do that. Likewise, your dad's employer probably didn't give your dad a 6 pack with his final check, it was his preference to spend the (i assume) fewer dollars coming into the house on beer [GREAT INVESTMENT].

 

I'm really sorry about your manipulation to be in that relationship with that rapist from said rapist and your mother. That is something that I could never imagine on my worst enemy. That is seriously fucked up. Your mom actually went around your father's back....   I had a good friend that was hot blooded and his mom did the same for him, but he was the abuser.

 

You are an inspiration, spread the truth.

[CallMeViolet]

Wait you had a good friend who was an abuser??

[Devon Gibbons]

Wait you had a good friend who was an abuser??

You caught the slip, thanks.

 

He and I hung out from 13 to 16, but he was always inconsiderate and coercive - very manipulative. He began dating a 14 year old when he was 16 and I stopped hanging out with him because he changed and started lying to me more. Since she was a friend of my cousin's I learned he slapped her for not having sex with her. Sorry for putting him on the same level as your manipulator, I just kind of see the similarities in him and who you described. Maybe it wasn't fair to equate him to your abuser, but he was one creepy, lying, mother fucker.

[CallMeViolet]

No he sounds like a piece of shit...

[jacbot]

I dont know where you live but since what he did was illegal most probably you might file violence charges and get shelter help.

 

What do women do in your country when they are abused by their husbands (example)  what kind of facilities are available to them?

 

I see you are 22, so if he lays a hand on you, thats not spanking thats assault.

[CallMeViolet]

No they never hit me as an adult.. of course!

[regevdl]

Omg friend, I feel my words are futile to even express the amount of empathy I have fir your horrible pain and experience. Not only of a use but lack of empathy from others around you!

 

When you described the specific traumas (phone cord choking) my throat literally hurt and was hard for me to breathe so I cannot imagine what that was like for you as a child, helpless, defenseless!

 

You are a survivor and so incredibly strong and brave. I am sending you a big virtual hug!!

 

I understand what you mean by needing to learn how to judge character. I'm still learning that as I too was not properly taught that skill as a child.

 

My upbringing was authoritarian and "be nice to everyone" so no way to differentiate or process mixed feelings towards individuals.

 

My ameture advice is trust your instinct, guy feeling, inner voice when around ppl.

 

Listen to what they say, but notice what they don't say.

 

Take relationships slow (platonic and romantic).

 

You are young so the ppl who run away from your story are at least being honest in who they are and aren't wasting your time being fake and disingenuine. Sucks they lack empathy and I'm not excusing their callous behavior ---but sometimes ppl have no idea to help so they resort to those tactics of downplaying your pain.

 

It just eliminates them and helps you continue your search for compassionate ppl.

 

I would highly recommend seeking therapy. It can't hurt.

 

If I'm not mistaken from another post you decided to leave and are possibly homeless.

Use the internet, charities to seek out pro bono therapy of need be.

 

Best success in your new path to healing!

[CallMeViolet]

Aww *virtual hug back*. Man... Well you know I completely cut ties. I'm doing well i think despite their efforts to turn me into nothing.

Aww *virtual hug back*. Man... Well you know I completely cut ties. I'm doing well i think despite their efforts to turn me into nothing.

[st434u]

Repeated torture and attempted murder, that's the worst life experience I've ever heard. This is not a joke. You very well could have died during one of these attacks. I can only imagine what that can do to a person, let alone a child. The fact that you're not a psycho or completely insane is remarkable and praiseworthy.

 

I'm glad to know you're not in contact with these criminals anymore. Your brothers are very dangerous, evil people and I don't think they should even have the right to continue living. Your parents are probably just as bad, because they knowingly put you in that situation to begin with.

 

I would consider taking legal action against them, especially if you think you can prove some of this in court. If not to protect their future victims, at least to try and get some sort of minimal compensation for the immense damages they inflicted on you.

 

Whatever you choose to do, I hope you continue with this healing process and that you can live a long, happy and prosperous life, despite their best attempts to make that impossible for you.

[CallMeViolet]

 My brothers were victims themselves. I actually stay with one of them now who contacted me after hearing me on FDR. He's actually bettering himself and we are working on a healthy relationship.