JoeG84 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Slowing down and remembering myself in the moment is difficult but important and I think I can get better at this. I found myself looking in a mirror tonight and wondering why I felt anxious and defensive. My mind was creating self defense scenarios where I was answering for myself and defending my position but there was no immediate danger. I felt that my intellect would be challenged and I was bracing myself for these fantasized adversaries. When I thought about this as a curious fact I took a deep breath and remembered who I am. Or tried to remember who I am as I am still discovering who I am. I believe that slowing down my thoughts and trying to understand them and even throwing them away sometimes helps me to feel my emotions and discover myself. I am learning to recognize when intellectual justifications start to spill out of my mouth like rabid wasps that I need to slow down and remember myself in the moment. Remember that I am responding based on learned behaviors and that the only way to change negative behaviors is to recognize them and accept them as a fact and that the conclusions that my brain interjects to justify these behaviors are not facts necessarily. When I find myself on a verbal roller coaster of prescribed talking points and repeated explanations or defending myself against imagined foes I try to remember try to relax and feel my emotional state. I try to identify environmental triggers and remember how and who I want to be. I want to be calm and patient. I want to have clarity of thought so that I can express myself more honestly. I don't want the pace of those around me to dictate how I will respond or how I should feel. If I am angry or uncomfortable I do not need to instantly try to blame someone or create a story explaining it all away. I really don't know what's causing these emotions and I should be curious and ask questions. Find out more and slow down my reactive self and feel more. 2
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