How do we fix this? Feedback please

[Marc Moini]

Alice Miller explains in For Your Own Good how children who were mistreated and humiliated by their 'caretakers' and who couldn't rebel against those they depended on, as a survival strategy ended up pushing out of their awareness both this abuse and their need for self-affirmation, and now as adults if they don't become aware of all this and heal themselves then the usual way in which their long suppressed needs get satisfied is when they in turn abuse others with less power, often their own children.

Here's the PDF  http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/alicemiller.pdfIn the Articles on alice-miller.com (if I remember correctly), she says this explains why the Israeli state, many of whose members suffered grave abuse from Nazis, has been heaping similar abuse on the captive and helpless Palestinians.It seems to me that this mechanism can account for much of the violence going on today, whether in families or schools or cities and countries and in wars.If this is accurate enough, then my question is how do we fix this? As far as I can tell, and please let me know if you see errors or omissions:1) by understanding how we were each of us affected by the abuse we received (I think Alice Miller is correct when she says that the vast majority of people are affected by this), including getting clear who harmed us in and what ways. To do this she says we need someone to help us see exactly where we were in fact mistreated, because the strong habit we have developed of not bringing our attention to this makes it difficult for us to see it by ourselves (this person’s role is to support us, never to lead us)2) then by staying with this realization until we integrate this missing side of our history and and as a result reclaim our lost ability to feel the full range of emotions we would have had if we had been allowed to develop harmoniously. This seems to be a gradual process where the first 80% takes months if not years (my supposition). 3) and then looking at how we may have in turn hurt others when we had the power to do so, and checking whether the reason we harmed them is that we had been harmed ourselves and we were largely unconsciously playing out the effects of that harm, and then extending these ideas to those who harmed us and seeing how they perhaps had also been victims, and whether it’s possible that most of the abuse in the world can be explained this way.

 

[RuralRon]

 

2) then by staying with this realization until we integrate this missing side of our history and and as a result reclaim our lost ability to feel the full range of emotions we would have had if we had been allowed to develop harmoniously. This seems to be a gradual process where the first 80% takes months if not years (my supposition).

 

Hi Marc, I hope others will offer their feedback on these very important questions. As to your 3 pronged solution I have little feedback to offer. I quoted the above b/c I think that sums up the difficulty of "the solution" and what it will take a long while for this process to reach that 80% mark. I hope that's wrong and the rate of change for the better is on the early part of a yet to come sharp spike of awareness that will propel the human race into a peaceful, volunteerist society without threatening rulers around to control or manipulate people or lay the planet to waste.

 

Thanks for your insight and observations.

[Marc Moini]

Hi Ron, yes, it is my hope as well that as more people heal they will be able to support others and thus accelerate healing for others, as well as, over time, reduce the number and severity of wounds people everywhere are receiving.