Is music therapy or escape?

[Nathan in FL]

I've been thinking of taking up guitar again, as a means of letting my subconscious express.  I played a lot through high school and college, and it seemed to be a good outlet.  However, lately I've been trying SO HARD to dig up repressed memories of childhood abuse, so that I can process them as an adult, but they're so hard to access.

 

My question, then, is if I return to playing guitar, what is it really doing?  Is it just self-soothing?  Is it a form of subconscious expression/processing that actually makes progress on the problem?  My concern is that I'll self-soothe with music, take the fire and energy out of my introspection, and thus make my return to health a longer and slower journey.  For as much work as I'm putting into my healing, I really don't want to do something that slows it down.

 

Does anyone know what the professionals say about music in therapy?

[MysterionMuffles]

There is no replacement for therapy. Therapy is therapy. But this doesn't discredit guitar as being a productive and creative way to express yourself as well as find something else to focus on other than your introspection. Introspection is important, for sure, but you can't ruminate in it all day long. Playing guitar would be a good way to take a break so that when you do jump back into introspection, your perspective will be a bit more refereshed because you've given to other aspects of yourself in terms of creativity and expression.

Also, I believe there ARE some classes classified as art therapy. I don't know much about it, and the kind I'm aware of is therapy for like brain trauma patients. Playing instruments or painting or writing for them helps keep their memory and brain faculties in tact. I'm not sure about personal therapy being found in art therapy though. In a way, artistic expression in itself is therapy in a way that its giving you the space and time to unloading your emotions a bit.

 

Do you journal btw? I have an article on it on my website right here. Again there's no replacement for therapy, but if you need emotional release, guitar is a good way to go, and journaling is even deeper if you write for the purpose of self knowledge and recovering traumatic events.

[Nathan in FL]

I appreciate your thoughtful answer, Rainbow Jamz, but somehow my question was missed.

 

I'd like to find out (with some degree of certainty, as with empirical evidence from psych studies or personal experience) whether playing an instrument is somehow useful for processing recalled trauma, or if it's simply burning away emotional energy that could have been used to motivate me for real therapeutic activities (like journaling, which I do).

 

For example, the anger that I feel when I get access to a repressed memory of abuse has been extremely useful to me.  That energy, directed at the problem, gives me great focus and drive, which helps me to really get the most out of the little crumb of memory.  If I was to grab my guitar instead, that productive energy would be bled off into making music.  So I want to know if I'm getting any psychological progress out of making music instead of putting that energy into intense thinking.  Is the process of making music psychologically productive for processing, or is it simply a way to self-soothe? ... or are the two really the same thing?

[MysterionMuffles]

Ooooh right sorry about that. The question being what do therapists say about music? No clue.

Well like I mentioned, expressing yourself through art brushes up your memory because you're working the muscle in your brain by memorizing chord shapes and sequences. 

 

I wouldn't see guitar as self soothing. It would be productive for processing because of also creating consistency in how you perceive the instrument's nuances.

[Nathan in FL]

That was quick.  Thank you for the follow up response.  You have my meaning -- now let me see if I have yours.  lol

 

You say that you think music would be productive for processing because of creating consistency in how I perceive the instrument's nuances.  Does that mean ... creating something that sounds angry when I'm feeling angry?

 

...

 

I'm realizing that I made an assumption about the term "processing." Stef frequently mentions processing memories of abuse.  Now that I've used the word, I see that I don't really have a clear understanding of what it means.  lol  What is processing -- what does it involve, what is the purpose, and what is the result?

[MysterionMuffles]

Sure that can happen too. I used to write some very aggressive music back in my teen years and it helped express what I couldn't without words. I wanted to break stuff but instead I broke sound waves I guess lol. 

 

Processing, I would say, is recognizing traumatic events for what they are, how they've affected you in your life, and possibly what you can do to work past it.

 

Real quick I'll mention something I've processed and am working towards reversing. When I was a kid, I spent probably an hour drawing a variety of custom South Park characters. The show was new to me, I liked its simplistic style and I just wanted to draw my own characters. Anyways, I handed the piece of paper to my mom and she gave it a quick glance, and without a comment or glance at me started using it to catch her toenail clippings.

 

Processing would also mean putting yourself in the perspective of your child self and remembering how it made you feel, and that made me feel infuriated. All this time, energy, and effort I put into my drawings was reduced to catching my mother's waste. How this affected me; I know I'm good at what I do creatively (guitar, bass, writing) but I always have a fear that no one will give a shit. Or worse, people will shit ON it. So that causes me to procrastinate on projects I know I have fun with, but now that I know the inner thought that drives the reluctance. It's also the reason why I take criticism of my tastes and creations quite seriously at times.

 

How I'm trying to work through this: I need to constantly remind myself that whatever I do creatively, it's for me and for me alone. Anyone who comes into contact with it and likes it will be the effect of how much care I put into it without fearing the future opinions of others. If I want feedback, I ask people whose opinions I trust and respect. 

 

To process your childhood: you recall traumatic events, be there as your child self, feel their feelings, recognize how it has affected your psyche, then find mentalities and habits you an integrate into reversing the effects.

[Nathan in FL]

Wow, yes, that IS infuriating, for so many reasons.  It didn't even register in her head that her boy had made something.  I'm sorry that your mother treated you with such neglect!  I can totally see how that would dampen your spirit for future creative efforts, and how it would make you reluctant to expose yourself to possible rejection now.

 

Thank you for sharing that with me, and for the great illustration to explain processing.  You may have saved me a lot of frustration and feelings of hopelessness, because I was missing an important part: finding mentalities and habits to reverse the effects.  With previous efforts, I had gotten to the point of recognizing the cause-effect of abuse, but I did not actively pursue thoughts and habits that would counter the effects of the abuse.  Damn, this is a lot of work.  :-/  I feel like I'm taking Calculus.

 

Thank you for the time and effort you made to explain everything so clearly.  Great article on journaling, too -- not just well-written, but visually pleasing, too.  I wish I had the layout skill.

 

On reflecting, I think I'll make progress more quickly if I use the stronger emotions for mental processing and save the playing for the spaces between.  Processing requires a lot more active effort, that I can't do if I'm playing.

[MysterionMuffles]

Thanks for the kind words and checking out my article, ncdumar, I really appreciate it. And hey welcome to the boards! This is a very strong post to start with. I'm glad I could help you out.

[Olle Persson]

"On reflecting, I think I'll make progress more quickly if I use the stronger emotions for mental processing and save the playing for the spaces between.  Processing requires a lot more active effort, that I can't do if I'm playing"

 

I just wanted to share my impression on this sentence. I get the impression that a part of you just wants to process your traumatic past as quickly as possible, that's great sure, but I think it's important not to rush these things, some things takes time. I used to actively push myself to journal and introspect but I later realized that it wasn't from a place of curiosity or empathy for myself, a part of me just wanted to get the "problem" over with, and it didn't work out. So avoid the trap I went into and save yourself time.

 

I don't know if this even applies to you, but that is what I got reading your comment.

[jacbot]

I enjoy music alot, especially death metal, or grunt,.. its a good mood stabelizer..... . well i like every music, even polka if i am in the mood)) haha

[Kevin Beal]

My therapist was very keen on artistic expression and doubled as an art therapist. I believe, if I remember rightly, her position was that it can help bring up unconscious material similar to the way dreams do, since it's more or less unfiltered and creative content that has to have come from somewhere. You chose to play a melancholy tune rather than an upbeat or high energy tune. Why is that? People aren't random after all.

 

I think it depends on what you mean by "therapeutic".

 

Being able to self soothe in healthy ways could be considered therapeutic. If you have been through something highly stressful, music can help you relax (I would suggest trying white noise or rain simulations).

 

Something I did that was helpful for bringing up old memories that suddenly take on new meanings, was I recorded myself talking as if I were telling someone the story of my mother, and then my brother and myself, trying not to skip over any details. A lot of interesting things came up that I hadn't thought about in years, or even since the events themselves.

 

Being able to focus is important too, I think, so having an area where there are no sounds (or can be easily masked by white noise), dark, comfortable temperature, and basically serve as sensory deprivation, is a good idea. You can also set aside time where there are definitely no other things that you might need to worry about.

 

Somebody suggested an idea to me recently that I found helpful too, which is if you want to remember a particular time in your life, look up all the major events from that year, the fads, the commercials, the toys and that will help a lot.

[B1-66ER]

Creating and collaborating with others in the musical arts is not therapeutic, it's cathartic, as all honest art should be! I try my hardest not to view music in a strictly utilitarian light, but unfortunately like most other aspects of modernity, music and art have become a commodity. Music and art are (or should be) transcendent. It lifts us from the plastic, vapid existence of instant self gratification into the higher realms of thought and beauty. I may have some romantic notions about music and to a lesser extent art, but I won't apologize for them. So long as Hollywood and the mainstream pump out an avalanche of pre-packaged-dollar-store shit, i'll always have a reminder of what I never want become. Also I suggest EVERYONE watch Roger Scruton's "Why Beauty Matters". It's amazing, and it speaks to this point more eloquently than I ever could. It's not on youtube thanks to the fucking BBC but it can be found on other video streaming sites.

[MysterionMuffles]

yes only therapy can be therapy. Creative expression is catharsis.

[Drew.]

As a therapist, I really encourage creative expression as well. In my own experience, I would write poetry and short stories to help me express myself using metaphor when it would be difficult to express something I felt directly. I have used it to craft my own fantasies about what should have been, but I could always reflect upon the fantasy-fulfilment work that I did and learn more about myself, and thus act as an insight.