NigelW Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 So I just received a call from my alcoholic uncle and my pot smoking brother. My uncle told me how proud he was of me and I pointed out that he was drunk and hadn't contacted me in years. He concluded that I was embarrassed of him. My brother talked about his pot smoking problem and I pointed out that his uncle is letting him! I said that seeking professional help and getting the crappy people out of your life would be a step in the right direction. He went on about how he wanted to change and verbally complied with what I was saying with mono-toned acknowledgements, "Mmhm" "Yah". I then said that "I feel like you're wasting my time." He started crying and I hung up shortly after. I called back five minutes later and apologized to my brother for treating him the way that I did when we were younger. I asked him about his experience and there was no connection and I told him. I hung up and now I am writing this post. As for why I answered the phone, well I picked it up because it was from my grandfather's home phone and he usually does not call unless it's urgent like student loan stuff which he cosigned. I would feel a lot safer if I was financially detached from my family and that is what I am in the process of doing as the last two time I tried supporting people financially it ended in ruin. I'd like to explore the dynamics of the interaction a bit more. If anyone has any questions, feel free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adaywillcome Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Was the brother hanging out with the uncle?How old are you and the brother? Did the older brother of the two of you pass down abuse to the younger?What have you thought about the interaction since the call? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NigelW Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 He was with my uncle. I think that I was on speaker phone. I'm 23, he's 21. I physically and verbally abused him as a child. I'm frustrated that I justified picking up the phone in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adaywillcome Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 He was with my uncle. I think that I was on speaker phone.I'm 23, he's 21. I physically and verbally abused him as a child.I'm frustrated that I justified picking up the phone in the first place. Why did you hang up on your brother? Do you think it was manipulative crying?How did you justify it? You're free to answer if you want, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NigelW Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 I understand that this conversation may be vulnerable to my misinterpretation so please don't take it personally if I am distorting. I reminded him that he is in a situation where the people around him are letting him do drugs. He then said that he loved his uncle. I told him that that is definitely not the actions of a loving person. He then said again that he loves his uncle. I said that I feel like my time is being wasted. He started crying. I justified picking up the phone initially with a financial reason. I owe my grandfather a debt and I feared not picking up the phone. I was misled and my brother and uncle were on speaker.... I froze. So I engaged them in a conversation and it went as expected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adaywillcome Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 I won't take it personally if you distort, but I will take it personally that you told me not to take it personally. Why did you hang up on your brother? I'm asking this one again. Have there been prior conversations with your brother that didn't go well that factored into your shortness with him?How were you misled? Have you told them you didn't want to talk to them before -- so calling on your grandfather's phone becomes a deception?Why do you fear not answering for your grandfather? Do you need him to cosign further loans? What's going on there?Do you think it's fair to say that you are still frozen? On my end it feels like pulling teeth, like you are giving me the bare minimum factual answers to my questions. Do you not want to dig into this stuff? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NigelW Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Yes conversations usually ended in a financial transaction. "Give me money because I'm trouble". It reminds me if how my father financially exploited me as a child. I was misled in thinking that by helping my brother financially in the past that he would find some kind of independence. He called using my grandfathers phone because he can't afford it himself. I don't have a financial support network. I'm not sure if I can connect 100% with that feeling. Can I ask why you feel that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heam Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 My father drunk dials me from time to time. Haven't spoken to him in about 16 months. He doesn't say he's drunk, but it's obvious because he's slurring words and confusing me with my brother. It makes me angrier knowing I was raised by somebody so callous towards the feelings of others and cowardly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NigelW Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 Can you tell me more about your experience? I remember my father bringing his friends home when he was drunk. My mother chose to dissociate and was often emotionless and high. I would often yell and scream at him just to get his attention. When he decided to come home from working months on end he decided to sleep for long periods of time. I feel intensely sad when I think of how much neglect I went through and I am sorry that you experienced something similar. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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