CulturalHeretic Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Hello, I was exploring some feelings through journalling this morning and my pen ran out of ink. Rather than just stopping i thought maybe i could share some self reflection and maybe get some feedback. So after reading RTR i evaluated the relationships i have and have had in the past. I found that the vast majority were and are unhealthy. At the moment the only close relationship that might survive these "truth bombs" is with my mother. This is great because she has taken an interest in RTR and i have been able to explore my childhood and get some answers. I have had a fear of being alone. I think this has attracted unhealtrhy people and situations over the years. I realised through talking with my mother that when she was younger she also felt the same way. Infact she expressed this fear as being the catalyst for getting involved with my father and my stepfather. Both of those relationships were unhealthy ones. With these perspectives in mind i believe that i am photocopying my mothers history to some degree. I understand that being aware of this pattern is the first step to breaking the cycle. I am finding this process difficult. After distancing myself from those relationships that were hurting me i am feeling lonely and almost tempted to invite them back. I try to remind myself that after doing self work i will eventually attract better relationships but its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Paul
_LiveFree_ Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Dang man I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. The feeling of isolation is awful and is a clear sign of being abused. Abusers can only be so by keeping their abused isolated. Start looking into "Internal Family Systems Therapy". You won't ever feel alone again
CulturalHeretic Posted July 29, 2014 Author Posted July 29, 2014 Start looking into "Internal Family Systems Therapy". You won't ever feel alone again Hi Nathan thanks for the advice. i have been seeing an IFS practitioner for a few months now and have found it to be quite useful. How long have you had this fear? Hey Robert! I feel that i have had this fear since i was a young child, Looking back i can see how it has negativley affected my ability to choose healthy relationships.
cynicist Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Hey Robert! I feel that i have had this fear since i was a young child, Looking back i can see how it has negativley affected my ability to choose healthy relationships. Hey yourself So when you experienced this fear as a young child, what did your mom say when you brought it to her attention?
CulturalHeretic Posted July 29, 2014 Author Posted July 29, 2014 As far as i can remember i didn't directly bring it to her attention. But i will definitely ask her if i did or if she remembers sensing this. She has been pretty good at honestly answering any questions i have put forth about my childhood. I have also found it difficult to remember a lot of things from when i was younger. I have found that journalling and IFS are helping me to clear the fog somewhat.
cynicist Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 You may want to ask yourself why you didn't bring it to her attention.
CulturalHeretic Posted July 29, 2014 Author Posted July 29, 2014 Your right that is a good question to ask Robert. I can tell you for certain that i had a hard time expressing my feelings as a child. I dont think i would have felt safe to open up and bring that to her or anyone's attention.
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