Hypocrisy and projection

[Mister Hugz]

I'm new to self knowledge and I think i came across my first little mc-nugget of insight.

 

I was on my nightly walk and was introspecting about what may have caused me to post about a murderer I met --->  https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/41138-i-met-a-self-proclaimed-murderer-today/#entry376393 

 

I have been in the military for the past 8 years. I have been recently experiencing intense depression, bouts of apathy and resentment for my decision to submit to this form of slavery. Luckily I have not killed anyone. But I also know that I am at fault as well. I have taken the blood soaked money and still do. I feel like I posted about that murderer as a way to shield or blind myself to 8 years of accepting the same corruption in my life. I feel like a hypocrite in a way but I don't know how to differentiate that feeling between self attack injected into me by culture and bad parenting or my conscience providing me with information. 

 

My mom has expressed this kind of projection about how " sick and twisted" my dad is and would talk endlessly how fed up she is with my step dad after he went off the deep end with drugs again. I would talk on the phone with her and she would say  " he is just such an asshole" OVER AND OVER AND OVER. I feel like she did this to scrub herself of any moral responsibility for dragging her kids through that hell. So I think that has something to do with my propensity to project.

 

thanks for reading 

 

 

 

[jacbot]

Hi Mister Hugz,

 

I am sorry to hear about your situation,

 

It might be helpfull to lay down the rules a bit with regards to what kind of discussions you would accept with your mother,..,tantrums are not good or helpfull, and also word-use is important

 

I dont know what is going on with your stepdad, but a lot of drugusers are actually attempting to selfmedicating themselves for a variaty of reasons. 

 

It think overall there should  be more compassion going around.. instead of attacking, but of course there are boundaries to compassion if it harms your self interest. In case of the soldier trying to get you to sign up for more years,.., I think you handled it well,... , maybe you got him thinking,..., who knows....,you were also almost a decade in the military,..., so for some it takes longer then others,..,thats just how it is.

 

All money is 2 handshakes away from the grim reaper, regardless  if you work in the private or public sector.  You are planning your escape to greener pastures...,I think it is best to concentrate on this future.

[Mister Hugz]

 for your sensitivity and honest feedback jacbot.

 

Laying down the rules seems like a fantastic idea. My mom is a master emotional manipulator. For instance when i brought up the damage she caused me by inviting insane and destructive personalities into my life when I was helpless and dependant, she stared at me with incomprehension. Then when she would try to fog and change the subject  or divert attention to other topics, I would come back to my original point and ask again. Then she would start crying and blubber about how difficult it was. I am thinking about seeing a therapist first before I try to interact with her on this level again.

 

I agree, I didn't take into account the damage inflicted on him to bring him to the point of accepting vice as virtue. I just reacted to the the fruit born by evil seeds sewn long ago. 

 

A good point about money. I need to get this fantasy out of my head that the private sector is all daisies and sunshine in this statist economic model. Even a sick culture can produce corruption. I will focus on this for sure in the coming months of job searching.

[Jack]

I've heard Stephan say that you are morally responsible for your choices when you start holding others responsible for theirs. That makes a lot of sense to me and was useful for apply to my own choices and the choices other people made around me. 

 

For example, if your mother told you not to hit other children, she is holding you morally responsible and is thus responsible for her own actions. If she then hit you, she was acting immorally by her own standards and should be held responsible. Even if she claims she it happened during hard times or because she was stressed, she is still responsible because she still held someone else responsible for their actions. 

 

I know it takes a while to get one's head around the concept of when moral culpability starts, but I hope this helps. 

 

Good luck and thanks for the post Hugz!

 

Jack

[Mister Hugz]

wow, yeah man that does make sense. That helps for sure.

 

Thanks jack!