Help with Toddler

[Luirru]

Hi, first off I would like to give some context to help put everything into a better perspective.

 

When my son was six months old I came home one day to find him crying in the crib with a wet diaper and a note from my wife saying she could not handle being a mother and she was leaving us. I was in the military at the time and had to put him in daycare as there was no way I could stay at home and watch him while still being in the military. I started school and got my MBA in finance so when my contract was up I could get out and get a job as a civilian so I could spend more time with my baby. It has been two years now and I am working as a civilian and get to spend a ton more time with my kid than I did in the military, I have no regrets about that decision at all. I have not even tried to find another woman, devoting myself entirely to my son.

 

Since I am a single-working parent, my son is still in a daycare but it is run from the home of a good friend and he is one of only 3-4 kids total so I feel a little less guilty since she loves him like a nephew. Our normal routine has been to pick him from daycare (in the car we talk about his day), go to the playground for an hour (ride his bike or play soccer), then come home (talk about the playground), while he plays with his toys I make supper, finally after supper we sit down and watch an episode or two of the Muppets or one Star Trek before we begin the sleeping rituals. The problem is that for the past coupole of months when I pick him from daycare all he wants to do is watch the Muppets or similar show. On the weekends rather than go out and play together (beach, walks, bike rides, et cetera) he tells me all he wants to do is "watch something" and ignores any attempt to do something together. I know he is not just watching stuff at the daycare, so I know it is nor "normal" for his routine.

 

How can I get him to re-engage with me? At first I thought it was a temporary phase but it has been close to three months now and I am getting tired of constantly denying him the television and hearing his screams. I have tried to bargain, use logic, and just unplugged it completely. Every weekend he gets up and finds the Wii U controller (regardless of where I hide it) and starts to either watch NetFlix or play the game in it, except if I unplug the Wii as well as the television (which I do every night). I really want to connect with him, what can I do?

[kahvi]

I'm going through the same thing with my 2 year old. All she wants to do sometimes is watch Barney and Yo Gabba Gabba. You may have already done this, but I would sit him down and tell him that he can watch his shows between such and such time, but that you would like to hang out with him at the other times. Be consistent and when he asks to watch his shows, remind him when he can watch them. Then, try to find new games/activities that he might like. He might just need more stimulation. I know it's hard. My daughter will sit at the computer desk and repeat the show name over and over and over and then eventually cry when I repeat no so many times, all the while trying to engage her in a different activity.

 

By the way, he's so lucky to have a good father in his life like you, even though you unfortunately picked a POS woman with whom to procreate.

[Luirru]

Thank you, I will try harder to do this. That is part of what I meant by bargaining lol. I would rather her have left than to bring unwanted issues to the relationship and cause more permanent harm (in my mind) in the long run.

[Ashton]

How old is your child?

 

We have taken to telling our 3 year old that the TV is tired or broken when we feel he has watched too much and still wants more.

 

Don't feel disheartened by them telling you they enjoy something else at that moment, because until they are older they do live in the moment. So he might value watching the muppets more then playing with you at that moment and later it might reverse.

 

Maybe the child is becoming more attached to the friend? Seeing you as less fun?

 

Try mixing things up, so instead of the park, maybe go painting or to a museum/aquarium?

 

Good luck

[LovePrevails]

these are the only approaches I know to connecting with children that are hard to connect to

try reaching out and identifying with feelings, it may be a long journey but trust can be built or rebuilt over time

[Luirru]

He is 2, he turns three in less than a month. Gods where has the time gone? I do tell him certain objects are sleeping, my way of saying they are off and will not be on anytime soon. I usually have the plug for the telly removed so even when he tries to turn it on there is no power, only to find out this morning he learned how to plug it back in himself! Never seen me do it, yet he figured it out lol.

 

I have been reading that book for a few days now, anytime I get the chance really. So far it is pretty interesting, I am trying to apply it to him now. I hope I can be a good enough dad, it just gets so discouraging that all he seems to want to do is watch the telly.

[regevdl]

I have 2 kids, boy 7yr, girl 5yr and I hope I can offer some reasonable suggestions or explainations to give you and your son relief!

 

Always consider that kids ALSO need down time.  We aren't at daycare with them and even if they are on their best behavior even THAT can be exhausting for them.  My daughter at 3 and 4 years old would be at her preK school, they always had fun, she NEVER made a fuss, she was the 'big girl' of the class and she came home and wanted to veg out or...she would come home and literally freak out over nothing.  Walk in the door and start flailing around, whining, shouting, etc.  I was FREAKED!  lol

 

She.  NEVER wanted to invite friends or always declined when her best friends invited her.  I was worried sick that she was becoming anti-social or something horrible was happening at the school.  I trust her teachers and they assured me she was totally fine the kids love her and she loves the kids.  

 

We concluded that maybe being the 'most mature' one on her own accord at school was exhausting her.  So I just let her be.  I gave in and she eventually mellowed out after I stopped pushing the issue (I wouldn't try to convince her to invite friends or go to friends) I wouldn't deprive her of TV at first, only after I saw she improved, then I sat with her and made a fair arrangement of TV time limits and then go do a puzzle or another activity alone or with me.   Or... before coming home we would go on a short drive (but not to a destination or activity...just 5 minutes the long way home to decompress)

 

 

Also,  Kids LOVE routine but given you were in the military...that might be overkill.  lol  What I mean is, even just reading your routine and thinking about doing that day after day for a number of months or years....I was feeling imprisoned.  lol 

 

I know you are a single-hard working and devoted father.  Mix it up a bit.  Offer him something ELSE to look forward to.  Maybe one day just come straight home!  I think that will give you a much needed break and be less for him too.  Even though activities are fun....it can be overwhelming for kids to have their days COMPLETELY full.  

 

Maybe one day have him help you make dinner!  (something simple) get some costume-style chef hats or make them out of paper.  I bet he'll love that plus it can be a great at-home bonding memory-making method if you choose one day a week to have 'chef' night or something. .      Maybe one day instead of TV, you do a sock-puppets with him (or shadow puppets!)  My kids STILL love shadow puppets!  

 

Maybe 1-3 days a week keep the routine you have now and the other days do something totally different and out of order and focus on coming straight home on those 'off' days'.  

 

Good luck !

[tasmlab]

My youngest daughter when approaching 3 seemingly for weeks would just shout at me "go away, daddy!  Go away, daddy!" every time I approached.  She's stopped after a while.

 

Do you play WII with your son?  My kids and I play wii together daily.  We just finished Wind Waker together (they are older, 6 and 9).  Three is pretty young for most games.  Kirby returns to dreamland and smash brothers were good games for when my boy with on the older half of 3.  Wii sports.

[Luirru]

I let him stir when cooking on occassion, usually he is so vegged out that he does not even hear me when I ask him if he would like to help with supper. He is a very independent child, he wants to pour his own juice, been eating with his own fork since the day I showed him how, opens and shuts all doors on his own, puts on his own shoes, and generally anything else regardless of if he is fully capable of it lol. Nice suggestion on chef hats, it is hit and miss for him wearing a hat but if I am wearing one too I am sure he will love it, thanks! I usually ask him if he wants to go to the playground or go home, so not sure if that counts as varying it up but I will try to make an effort to do more. From what I have read tho most kids like routine, and I think my kid is bordering on OCD too :/

 

Tas: I have a few Wii U fit games I let him play, but I am worried if I give him a remote he will throw it around so I am only letter and showing him games completely on the board. He loves the chicken flapping game, he really likes movement of any type to be honest. I will hope he comes out of this phase soon, I really love doing more than watching shows with him.

[tasmlab]

It's a truly awful game, but when my daughter was three we'd play "Disney Princess" for Wii with her sitting in my lap.  I would hold the controller and she would hold the numchuck.  The only action she needed to do was shake it when it was time, so it was simple and safe enough for her to do.  We got to do plenty of talking, reflecting on the game and hugs/contact.  It was very nice.  Very feminine though.  My boy didn't care for it.

[Luirru]

Update: He still loves video games and movies, but when I take them away when he is not home (id est removing the console and tele cord) he seems to be alright. Regardless of if I let him play or not he will randomly whine and cry for at least an hour at a time at least once every other day, any ideas on this? I am sad to admit after about two hours of non-stop crying I lose my cool and yell at him ( ), which makes me incredibly sad but he calms down quickly thereafter. I have tried to talk to him, sit with him, play with him, read to him, sing, you name it, nothing calms him down. I really HATE yelling tho, I am studying all these books to try and calm down myself, him, negotiate, et cetera, but I end up yelling regardless. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated

[Ritchey]

I went through this with my 5 yo about a year ago. She would scream and cry to try to get her way. She would even be as dramatic as throwing herself on the floor. I read on the net a pretty "interesting" strategy. The article suggests that when the tantrum begins, you step away from the child and cross your arms and tell them that this is not how we get what we want. During the low points of the tantrum, hold firm and reiterate, "this is not how we get what we want". When that doesn't work, mirror the child's behavior. Be sure to do it in a way that you are not mocking him. The point is to show him how he is acting.

 

I wasn't too eager to try this strategy, but then I got to a point where my options were to try it or yell. To my surprise, it worked. It only worked the first time I did it though. The second time I tried it, she stomped off to her room screaming and crying. The lesson that I learned is that you can't solve anything in the moment. Prevention is better than cure. The best thing that I did was talk to her and tell her stories. The stories weren't anything in particular, just short stories that had a upb theme.

 

The first thing you need to do is to stop yelling at him. You are teaching him that yelling is how we get what we want. You need to model the behavior that you want. Next, sit with him when it is a calm time of the day ( ie bedtime, coloring, etc) and talk to him about the problem. The conversation should start with an apology for the times that you yelled at him. Children have an easier time changing their behavior if they know that adults make mistakes too. It also has a great impact on the child to know that you feel bad for doing it. It's kinda like it makes the action "extra bad" and that helps change the behavior. Next, let him know how it makes you feel and be sure he understands. As he is very young, you could use flash cards with emoticons (happy face, sad face, etc) to help him talk about these emotions. Help him to identify these emotions by pointing out times when he is angry, or frustrated.  It's important that you talk to him about his feelings during these situations as well. You don't want to teach him that only one persons feeling are important. Kids want to be like adults, so use that to your advantage. Explain to him how adult solve their problems and let him know that the two of you are going to start working on this. Come up with a saying. Ours was, "crying doesn't get what you want".

 

Kids use what works. So, if crying gets him what he wants then that is what he will do. I'm not saying that you give in to his tantrums, but others around him might. It's important to let these people know that you are working on this problem and let them know how you are handling it. When everyone around him is saying, "crying doesn't get you what you want", he will stop using it and start to talk about the problem.

 

Also, I think it helped to explain about the stages of life. When kids at this age realize that tantrums are what babies do, they decide that they don't want to do these things. It helps to show him that he is growing. Point out the little things. ie, you couldn't jump that high before. Now that you've grown, you can. Also, measure him every month. Use a wall or a door and put a mark on it so that he can see that he is growing.

 

I know this seems like a long drawn out process, but it's not. It took us about a week  after our initial conversation for the tantrums to completely stop. At first there was a flare up or two a day, but then as time went on and the "testing" period that my girl put us through was over, all it took was saying, "crying doesn't get you what you want" once and the crying would stop.

 

 

Hope that helps

[Ritchey]

I went through this with my 5 yo about a year ago. She would scream and cry to try to get her way. She would even be as dramatic as throwing herself on the floor. I read on the net a pretty "interesting" strategy. The article suggests that when the tantrum begins, you step away from the child and cross your arms and tell them that this is not how we get what we want. During the low points of the tantrum, hold firm and reiterate, "this is not how we get what we want". When that doesn't work, mirror the child's behavior. Be sure to do it in a way that you are not mocking him. The point is to show him how he is acting.

 

I wasn't too eager to try this strategy, but then I got to a point where my options were to try it or yell. To my surprise, it worked. It only worked the first time I did it though. The second time I tried it, she stomped off to her room screaming and crying. The lesson that I learned is that you can't solve anything in the moment. Prevention is better than cure. The best thing that I did was talk to her and tell her stories. The stories weren't anything in particular, just short stories that had a upb theme.

 

The first thing you need to do is to stop yelling at him. You are teaching him that yelling is how we get what we want. You need to model the behavior that you want. Next, sit with him when it is a calm time of the day ( ie bedtime, coloring, etc) and talk to him about the problem. The conversation should start with an apology for the times that you yelled at him. Children have an easier time changing their behavior if they know that adults make mistakes too. It also has a great impact on the child to know that you feel bad for doing it. It's kinda like it makes the action "extra bad" and that helps change the behavior. Next, let him know how it makes you feel and be sure he understands. As he is very young, you could use flash cards with emoticons (happy face, sad face, etc) to help him talk about these emotions. Help him to identify these emotions by pointing out times when he is angry, or frustrated.  It's important that you talk to him about his feelings during these situations as well. You don't want to teach him that only one persons feeling are important. Kids want to be like adults, so use that to your advantage. Explain to him how adult solve their problems and let him know that the two of you are going to start working on this. Come up with a saying. Ours was, "crying doesn't get what you want".

 

Kids use what works. So, if crying gets him what he wants then that is what he will do. I'm not saying that you give in to his tantrums, but others around him might. It's important to let these people know that you are working on this problem and let them know how you are handling it. When everyone around him is saying, "crying doesn't get you what you want", he will stop using it and start to talk about the problem.

 

Also, I think it helped to explain about the stages of life. When kids at this age realize that tantrums are what babies do, they decide that they don't want to do these things. It helps to show him that he is growing. Point out the little things. ie, you couldn't jump that high before. Now that you've grown, you can. Also, measure him every month. Use a wall or a door and put a mark on it so that he can see that he is growing.

 

I know this seems like a long drawn out process, but it's not. It took us about a week  after our initial conversation for the tantrums to completely stop. At first there was a flare up or two a day, but then as time went on and the "testing" period that my girl put us through was over, all it took was saying, "crying doesn't get you what you want" once and the crying would stop.

 

 

Hope that helps

[Luirru]

I always apologize once we both calm down and try to talk to him, I really do HATE feeling like I have to yell. When he tells me "It's OK" (a phrase I use with him when he accidentally does something I know he does not mean) I tell him it is NOT OK and that we should both do better. I have not tried mirroring him, I fear it would turn into/be seen as mocking but at this point I almost feel that is better than yelling, which I reiterate I really do not want to do at all. I like the idea of the flash cards, I will be trying that.

 

I have talked to him before about "baby" versus "big boy" before, when we are both calm. The "funny" thing is when he is throwing a tantrum and I ask him if he wants to be a big boy or a baby he says he wants to be a baby. I try to not phrase it like babies are bad though, like when he asks for a drink I ask him if he wants a baby cup (sippy cup) or a big boy cup (plastic open top) I do not say anything if he goes for the "baby" cup as that is his preference. He has not grown in 14 months, but his mental development is phenomenal so I am content for now, my brother simply claims my son is letting the other kids catch up to him in height as he is 42 inches tall.

 

I really want a strong and good relationship with my son so I am willing to try and do anything. I know I will always have my bad background to deal with but I want it to stay MY bad BACKground and not pass anything on to him. I do not want you to think it is all bad, we do negotiate a LOT so it surprises me when he starts to throw a temper tantrum. I will keep you guys updated, I appreciate the insight and advice. I am reading a TON of parenting books and it seems like most of them are how to deal with older children, so the advice really helps out.

[Ritchey]

I would not attempt mirroring him. In hind sight, I don't think it works particularly well. The action may have had some effect, but I think the other techniques are more effective.

 

 

I have talked to him before about "baby" versus "big boy" before, when we are both calm. The "funny" thing is when he is throwing a tantrum and I ask him if he wants to be a big boy or a baby he says he wants to be a baby.

 

I think the problem is that you are presenting it as an option. For instance, no matter how much I wish I was 5 again, it's not gonna happen. I can't change the fact that I have grown and there are no drugs that can turn back the hands of time (yet, lol). The same is true for your boy, so you need to state it to him as a fact. I would say, "you are a big boy and big boys don't act like this. If you want to talk about it we can, but this is not how we get what we want". Then you can negotiate from there. If he's not willing to negotiate, then that is another problem and you would need to have another conversation concerning empathy.

 

 

He has not grown in 14 months, but his mental development is phenomenal so I am content for now, my brother simply claims my son is letting the other kids catch up to him in height as he is 42 inches tall.

 

Mental development is still growth and can be pointed out to him. ie after a negotiation, you can say, "this is how big boys solve problems".

 

One question does come to mind. When he is whining and crying, is this after you negotiate with him?

[Luirru]

I will stop giving him the option when he is throwing the tantrum, it might help. One thing I did a couple nights ago was when I was getting REALLY frustrated I asked him (very calm voice) why he was crying (usually he cries for any number of "reasons" and whines incomprehensibly). I know that may sound overly simple, but he actually paused and THOUGHT about it and when he answered we "solved" the scared of the dark problem. Recently he is initiating negotiations, which is both hilarious ("here is the deal Daddy" lol) and very awesome. I am constantly pointing out when he does "big boy" things, usually accompanied by a hug, kiss, or high five to reinforce the positive behaviour.

 

Sometimes he whines and cries before negotiation, sometimes after. He gets really upset when he cannot have his way RIGHT NOW and has to wait. It is not all of the time, but it is a recurring trait. For instance, if we negotiate that he brushes his teeth and goes potty he can then play a game, he gets upset when we go to brush his teeth and tries to change the deal for him to play THEN brush his teeth. When I point out he said he would brush teeth first (I always have him repeat our deals after we make them so I know if he heard me properly or not, sometimes he does not so I want to make sure it is fair) he throws a tantrum for XX minutes.

[regevdl]

This may sound strange but I'll only offer things that have worked for me in those 'crisis' meltdowns, so for what it's worth.  When I see my kids getting really agitated I have a few 'outs' that I go through.  Sometimes I have to go through a few and I find a winner and the winner solution today may NOT be the winner solution ever again.  lol  So just always stay creative.  Before I go into details of the various 'solutions' that have worked for me, I am a huge preemptive strategizer (word?) lol  I don't play Candy Crush or any down time distractions such as that.  Instead, I am scouring the web for fun activities for kids.  Just so I have some ready if I need to get them refocused.

 

ok.....my kids to this day fight tooth and nail about the teeth brushing.  I finally sat them down one by one at a time that they didn't need to brush their teeth....like in the middle of the day...I explained that they get one body in their lifetime and they can treat it however they want.  But they need to understand the 'costs'.  You can explain in an age-appropriate way but for my son I used his bike and our car as an example.  That it is not fun that mommy and daddy need to fix flat tires and do oil changes and wash the car, but it's the only one we have and we can instead sit inside and watch TV all day but eventually the car will break and we won't be able to drive anywhere.  And relate that to their bodies.  After that, they got it but I do remind them every morning and evening in a 'what is an important thing we need to do this morning for our bodies?"  
They answer, "eat and brush teeth".  I say, 'that's right...it's your choice and remember the costs."  and since then.....they do it immediately.  I do the same in the evening.  So I still need to give them that reminder and push but it's LESS stressful and energy consuming than before.  

 

If they come home crabby or just get snappy (or try to remember when they were your sons age) I would not offer, but actually bring water or milk without solicitation.  Even now, my kids might start getting agitated and pissed off.  I simply tell them I am listening and to continue talking.  Meanwhile I pour a half glass of milk and hand it to them without saying a word (Because they are still talking).  Or in other times I tell them "I can see you are angry or sad and I want to help.  It's hard for me to understand you when you are crying/yelling, etc and I want to help if you would like me to help..... I can give you time to calm down and I am here when you are ready."  I say this in a calm and genuine empathetic voice.  I also kneel down to their eye level and I softly put my hand on their shoulder or hand. But most of the Time, in the middle of their meltdown I give them some signal that I need to leave the room but I am listening and I come back with the water or milk and hand it to them.  9 times out of 10 they grab it, calm down, drink and breathe one or two breaths and then talk to me calmly. 

 

If the milk / gentle voice doesn't work, I go through another 'solution' I have locked and loaded.  lol  That is, depending on the circumstance, I offer them a bath.  With bubbles if they ar ein the mood or without, if they don't want.  My kids LOVE baths.  If they resist and I get the feeling it will help (because they feel hot from a warm day running around) I make the bath anyway and just show it to them when it's full and I don't demand, ask, I just let them get in or not.  Most of the time they end up getting in on their own without fuss.  

 

I think for your son, he is finding his 'power' and place and that is normal.  So these are easy ways to give him 'choices' to satisfiy his needs but you are still involved in the situation.  Even if the bath is not at the normal time, sometimes it 'refreshes' them and they come out more calm and feeling that they have the rest of the evening to play w/out my interruption to tell them to do another chore (bath time kids...turn the TV off....put the legos away...etc)  I hope that makes sense.  

 

Kids....will ALWAYS say, "I will.... I will do X"  They will always give you promises of compliance.  It's not to say don't believe them but .....   lol

Also, he is still young to get 'time management'.  it's good to stick with it so it will eventually 'click' but try this... in a non critical time (when you need him to do something in that instant or expect him to do it in that instant), let's say at breakfast or at the park, try to have a brief conversation and put yourself in the story.  Such as.  you know, daddy likes to do XYZ first before he plays so that way he can play longer or without interruption. your approach "do X to receive Y" might be a bit bribey so just be aware and cautious of that.  Try instead the logic and reasoning of WHY the order of self care benefits HIM (and not you).  If you brush first, you'll have uninterrupted play with your game until bedtime, etc.  It's true, honest and logical.  

 

Because even as adults, we indulge in things we want in the instant and after awhile would also get annoyed if we were always told.  before you go have a beer you have to do XYZ.  it comes off naggy.  Not saying it isn't important to do things in a certain logical order but you have to pitch it in what he gets out of it....so it's a true negotiation so he can weight the costs and benefits.  

 

He will see your orders not as orders and demands but you are living the example (trusting that you follow what you preach! lol).  Then apply it to him after you see he 'gets' the concept.  you can then tell him, you know, at home, I always suggest you brush your teeth and X time so that way I don't need to interrupt your game after.  After your teeth are brushed, then you can sit and do X and I won't need to come and stop you to tell you to brush your teeth!  You could even suggest, hey son, today can we try it one time to brush your teeth at x time so I can show you what I mean?  If you don't like that, then we can go back to the way it was (I know....hoping he won't call your bluff!)  lol

 

You willl have to talk about this daily and if/when he does brush his teeth at that time in a calm manner remind him.  That's so great, thank you for trying it out.  Doesn't it feel good to play this game knowing I don't have to come back to tell you to stop so you can brush your teeth?  

 

Overall kids this age (this is just my observation with my own kids and working at a daycare with 2/3 year olds) is that kids this age learn responsibility by doing things with the parents.  brush your teeth together.  make it a fun son/dad time.  Even if you've  brushed yoru teeth 4 times that day....try it.  lol  When he gets a bit older and in the habit of daily brushing, then he can do it on his own.

 

When kids throw tantrums...i see this at the daycare....  I first give them a hug.  if they refuse I don't make a big deal about it.  If I feel frustrated I take a breath and tell them I am here when they need me.  They need to be constantly reminded that we are there for them.  I tell them over and over that it's ok to cry but I will only be able to help when I can understand and I can only understand when they stop crying so to take their time and when they can speak without crying I will be able to understand and then able to help.  This has been HUGE success in the daycare and at home for me.  It makes the kids feel free to share their feelings rather than stifled.  It gives them the opportunity and control to deal with the problem on their terms and their timing and reassures them that no matter what you are there.  Even if you need to step away 15 feet or to the other room, they can come and get you to talk, etc.  So I hope this finds success in your situation.

[neeeel]

I have talked to him before about "baby" versus "big boy" before, when we are both calm. The "funny" thing is when he is throwing a tantrum and I ask him if he wants to be a big boy or a baby he says he wants to be a baby.

 

 

 

 

 For instance, no matter how much I wish I was 5 again, it's not gonna happen. I can't change the fact that I have grown and there are no drugs that can turn back the hands of time (yet, lol). The same is true for your boy, so you need to state it to him as a fact. I would say, "you are a big boy and big boys don't act like this.

 

 

this is a direct denial of reality, and your son would probably realise that. The fact is, that he is a big boy, and he is acting like that. For him, there is no dividing line between big boy behaviour, and baby behaviour. He is just following his instincts emotions and desires at any particular time. Who are you to set out reality and say x doesnt do y? Especially against direct evidence that x actually does do y? It is this sort of conflict between direct observable empirical evidence, and parental delusion, that is so confusing for children.

 

What you should say, if you are honest, is " your behaviour makes me worried/uncomfortable, and I want you to stop"

 

Its possible that, when he is "acting like a baby", he is looking to fulfil some need that wasnt fulfilled when he was actually a baby. I would guess that baby like behaviour is meant to trigger a response in the caregiver. Instead of trying to find out what he wants, you are basically saying "you are wrong for feeling/acting the way you are". 

 

This doesnt mean that I think we should just let kids stay in nappies and breast feed till they are 18 and leave the home. But getting away from the prescribed narrative of "big boys dont do things like that" is exactly the sort of thing that peaceful parenting is supposed to address

[neeeel]

the TV is tired or broken

 

 

I do tell him certain objects are sleeping, my way of saying they are off and will not be on anytime soon. 

 

 

 

I totally get the desire to have a quick easy solution, but for some reason I feel disturbed by this use of a lie. Perhaps thats more to do with me than the actual lie, I dont know. But the dishonesty , and glibness of it, rankles with me. Perhaps its because I can see, in my head,  my parents say that sort of thing, and it made me want to vomit then.

[regevdl]

I am not sure if this is 'proven' factually but in my experience with my kids and caring for others' kids when a young child is behaving less mature than their capability it is a time to really reflect on the expectations and demands you are putting on that child.  I can be a viscious circle and this is the symptom.  When you said he 'wants to be a baby' in his own words.  

 

My daughter is very advanced for her age  AND looks 3 years older than she is.  She is 5 and as tall as some 7 or 8 year olds.  So she is constantly put in the position of the leader and responsible on, etc.  She is capable but sometimes I notice that she just wants to be a silly little girl and even I forget to 'allow' her as I am always trying to push her to her capabilities.  So just beware and ease up on some expecatations and demands.  

 

Brush your teeth with him...even if it's the 10th time you brushed that day.  lol

 

With my son I used to play 'role play' where he was the mom and I was him.  he loved it and after it, he really stopped some of the annoying habits as it reflected back to him how silly it was.  My daughter HATES that game...so it might be a hit or miss.  

 

When I played 'his role' I didn't do it in an overexaggerated or insulting way.  But he liked having the 'power' for a bit and I just played along mimicking his behavior and being stubborn in some instances but being AGREEABLE in others.... it has to be balanced and a way to reflect their challenging behavior but also display a more cooperative behavior.  

[J-William]

Discussion agreement and honesty are your best friend.

 

My daughter doesn't like saying goodbye to the TV when it's bath time. We will negotiate about how much longer she'll watch and then we go to the bath. Then she doesn't want to get out of the bath, so we'll talk about how long she wants to stay and set a timer (so we both remember).

 

She is three now, we've been negotiating and reasoning since she could talk and she's gotten quite good at it.

 

It's not fast and it's not super easy and convenient for me, but if I wanted that I can order a pizza, that's super easy and convenient , but the delivery guy won't be seeing me into my old age

And as Stefan has mentioned, time spent negotiating now saves time spent fighting when they're teenagers.

[Lotus Flowery]

i have a 4 year old son and I agree with everything Neeeel has said.

[Matty Rose]

Respect for taking on the challenge. I too am basically a single dad, my son is now 5. His mother is still on the scene but has serious issues that I won't go into. I only recently took him back into my care (not from his mother, long story) full-time and there have been teething issues but we are working them out.

 

My son likes to sit on his iPad a lot as well, but what I also do is take him to do different activities once or twice a week and to the park pretty much every day (thankfully it's across the road so this is really easy). We usually bring a ball (basketball, soccer ball or Australian rules football, sometimes a cricket set) and play a bit, then he runs around on the equipment. He's social and friendly and will often start playing with the other kids that are there if there are any.

I also play team sport and will take him along to watch me play and I am right into the football and soccer so will take him to as many games as I can. He doesn't quite understand the games yet but he likes getting kitted out in our teams gear and eating while the grown ups cheer along. He also enjoys celebrating goals (and pointing out the brands in the ads for some reason). Seeing me play soccer seems to get him keen to play as well. I started by taking him to a kids clinic but it wasn't until he saw me play that he really got into it.

 

Then there's science works, the museum and a whole bunch of other things we can do when sport isn't on. (Helps living in a great city but every town/city has something I'm sure).

 

A lot of it comes down to personality but I have found that taking my son to events and to fun activities. It could honestly be that your son is just bored. I mean, you mentioned that you go on beech walks and rides? Think back to when you were a child, did you enjoy going on walks? I personally used to hate things like that as I'm sure most children would. Kids want to do things that are fun and engaging. You could either find out what he likes or do what I did, lead by example and tell him to like things. He's your son, odds are he will like what you like and if not, I'm sure you can find something.

Finally, sometimes you just have to drag them kicking and screaming along because you know they are going to enjoy it. Rather than say "let's do this today, what do you think?" Just say, "we are going somewhere really fun" and leave it at that. If you then take him somewhere fun (that a kid would like), he will know that whenever you say "we are going somewhere fun" that he's going to have a good time and it won't matter what you do ultimately. He's your kid, you are the boss and the leader, never forget that.

Edit: just read that he's 2. OK, so taking him to sport and whatnot might be a bit too old for him. You could still take him to other fun activities designed for very small children. Also, I wouldn't worry all that much at this age. My son did little more than that when he was two, but as he grew older got more interested in more things so it could just be natural.