At what age should you start asserting your own needs?

[Clark Gorny]

I know that you can't go by age alone and that you must be able to evaluate the relationship and decide for yourself. 

 

I estimate somewhere between the ages of 3 and 4 as a good place to start introducing the idea that you have your own needs too.

 

I understand that you do this gradually slowly introducing the idea not suddenly and without warning.

 

Also what factors are you looking for to make this decision? Is it the ability for the child to reason alone or a combination of things?

 

Thanks,

-Clark

[MysterionMuffles]

babies are born asserting their own needs screaming and crying for what they want lol

 

but if you mean verbally asserting your needs then yeah whenever language is acquired you should be able to assert your own needs with and open minded parent

[J-William]

 

I assume you mean the age that you should assert your needs with your child.

 

You actually can start it at 2. kids can talk and understand simpler concepts. My 2 1/2 yr old daughter often wants me to carry her, but I don't want to carry her all the time. 

 

you can't expect a 2yr old to leave you alone for a half-hour so you can get some work done, heck I can't even get time alone to get a glass of water oftentimes.

 

Even simpler, a 2yr old can throw rocks pretty hard, you need him to not throw them at people, or indoors. You can assert your need for them to not throw rocks.

 

Does that help?

[MysterionMuffles]

oh whoops I read the post wrong, sorry. But I think my answer is similar. Once a kid understands the nuances of time and language, then you can assert your needs in terms they can understand.

[Clark Gorny]

Thanks for the response, let me be more specific.

 

When should you start asserting your needs over the needs of your child. 

 

You can start mentioning your needs when language is developed I agree. However More than just language is required for children to understand and reason with the newly acquired language. 

 

I am not talking about cooking food or changing a diaper or things necessary to take care of the child. 

 

I am specifically focusing on the time when you decide to tell your child that no I don't want to do that "Children activity/desire"

I am going to do this "Parent activity/desire" simply because I want to and I have needs to.

 

Perhaps even explaining to the child why you are doing this and why they need to respect your needs. I think that is the most important thing. That the child understand what you are doing and that they don't internalize your behavior as neglect.

[Microwave]

I actually logged in to post a thread asking this same question. Here are some of my thoughts on it:

 

My daughter is two years old and I have slowly and gently been asserting my needs for about six months now. At first it was very basic, like that "I can't hold you right this minute because I'm cooking us food, but I'l hold you in X minutes (usually pretty short, under 5 minutes)". As she has gotten a bit older, it has become things like "I don't want to play blocks right now because I'm tired, so I'm going to rest for X minutes (still pretty short because she's only two years old, so 5-10 minutes).

 

I try to give a reason why I'd rather do something else, but compromise and give her an amount of minutes until I will do it anyway. I am also very mindful about how I tell her, so she doesn't get the idea that I just don't want to play with her. Earlier today we went on a long walk to see animals and go to a playground, and when we got back home I was kind of tired since I had to carry her for a decent chunk of the walk. Of course she immediately wants me to continue activities with her, but I wanted to rest for a bit; so I just explained that I was tired, and why I was tired, and that I'll play with her in a few minutes. I really don't know if what I say is actually registering in her two year old mind, but I figure I should get in the habit early on.