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Had a dream with Stef in it last night and just want to share. 

 

In the dream I was sitting at a table with Stef on the left side of the table relative to me. We were having a chat like he would do on the call in show. At first I wasn't making eye contact and was reading supporting evidence to him from a book or something instead of connecting emotionally. I caught myself and engaged. He asked some questions. I dove into the issue and identified a painful experience, acknowledged it and felt some relief.  I remember a little bit of the dream before that and it had to do with me communicating with my sister. 

 

That's about all I remember. I wish I could remember the topic we discussed at the table but alas I was so caught up in the fact that I was having a talk with Stef and having a breakthrough that I do not remember what the breakthrough was.

 

Likely it had to do with me remembering a day or so ago that, as a child of 8 or so, I hit my sister on the head with a plastic toy rake because I was very angry. I'm not even sure I was angry at her. It split her scalp and she was really bleeding. I also remember once when I was only a little more than 2 and she was a very small infant that I pushed her stroller off the porch. My mom had stepped back just inside the door to get something, my two older brothers had run off to the car or somewhere and could not see me. I pushed the stroller. There was a burst of anger with that experience too. Afterward I remember being really horrified that I might have hurt her badly. My mom screamed and it was a bit of chaos for a moment. I think my sister was alright but it was really scary and terrifying for a while. And I had caused it all. But my mom did not know I had done it. She was horrified that she had not secured the stroller. I felt all kinds of stuff during those few moments. 

 

My sister is in Texas and I am in Virginia and/or South Carolina. I wanted to see her in person but that is not likely to happen soon so I have it on my weekend agenda to talk to her via phone and apologize for all the horrible things I did to her when we were kids and open a new dialogue. We are not estranged but I feel it is important to start this conversation anyway. 

 

Okay so I sort of went on a tangent from the actual dream. But I think it is likely that the topic of discussion with Stef may have been those experiences and what would make me want to hurt my sister. I think that because that is where I got to in my self-investigation a couple of days ago. 

 

Looking forward to your thoughts and perspective on this. 

 
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