CallMeViolet Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 So I wanna start this by saying that it's really easy to feel crazy and moraly weak when crazy and moraly weak people are constantly trying to tell you you're flawed... I was being told I seemed to have had a really low grade bipolar disorder... I don't believe that anymore. Not after becoming homeless, staying in a shelter, and dealing with crazy shit yet I feel way better psychologically... Funny I almost said " yet SOMEHOW I feel..." That would be damn silly considering I'm fully aware of how it is I feel better.. It seems my negative relationships were completely changing my perception of myself. Without the daily emotional wreckage I've come out of the fog of self loathing. I'm finally becoming truly proud of myself. I've actually felt productive. I still do not have a stable income but I've been doing all sorts of things to get some money coming in. Of course I'm painting; I will always do my arts... I recently did a modeling shoot after a photographer approached me on Facebook. He was all "Your look is crazy!" Ha... Indeed... So that's neato-completeo.. Also I am helping a man do yard work and hopefully also helping work on these old apartments. It's really nice and I'm incredibly pleased to be a part of restoring it. I worked hard for like 3 1/2 hours; disappointed when it ended so soon. I was so happy to be productive. I made $40; $40 I wouldn't have had before. I think it's one of my sparkling moments. I'm gonna be better then okay because I'm already doing so well... The best thing is I'm building a resistance to manipulative people. I catch it fast and have no patience for it anymore. I made a new relationship. Well had made a new relationship.. I mention it because it seems like this could be the first real romantic relationship I've had; possibly even real relationship as a whole... We share the same philosophies and have incredibly similar perceptions, also a lot of similar less deep interest. lol So I'm very curious to see how it goes; I'm very optimistic about it. I'm incredibly curious and optimistic to see where I go in general. Feels like I'm finally on the right track. :3 <3 3
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