SamtheSinger Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Hello everyone, I recently joined FDR, and this is my first post. I've been listening to several of the podcasts, and I keep getting these snippets of upset that seem to just brush by me. It's like for a split second I want to just cry, but then right away I can't connect with it, or even understand why. I have some major repressed anger that I'm a little afraid of to be honest, but I feel like I don't know where to start looking. I feel like there is a lake of black liquid anger just waiting to rise up out of me, but I can't seem to connect with why it's there, or even where it it inside me. I have done some significant work on myself over the years, and I'm open to introspection. I don't think I'm afraid to look in any areas of my life, but that might just be a story. I have experienced abuse growing up, and I have been to therapy, and thought I had resolved it, but sometimes when I listen to Stefan talking to people about their parents abuse, I get angry. Then it's gone, almost as if it was never there, and I couldn't tell you what I was angry about. I look to see if there are things that I'm still unresolved about with my childhood, but I haven't seen anything yet. What I'm asking for here is direction. If you have sources or techniques that have helped you or others discover these kind of hidden emotions, I would be so grateful to hear about them! Thanks in advance for any input you share with me, Sam
RuralRon Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Hi Sam, to FDR I don't have much to tell you, I'll leave the significant comments to others more qualified and more experienced. I've been a member here since May of 2012, but I have only recently gotten more serious about taking action to change. My first step was to pick up a book about Internal Family Systems therapy by Jay Early. I'm on page 60 of 300 pages, so I haven't gotten far enough to apply the principles yet. I live in a rural area and I don't have the funds for professional therapy, and a friend here on the forum recommended the book so I bought it after doing some research on what the IFS model was all about. I also have issues with anger, which for me surface when I have trouble trying to make things happen but fail for various reasons. It makes me feel like I can't control the direction of my life but I know that isn't true. It's frustrating. I hope you're able to get a handle on your underlying issues. Hopefully others here will provide better insights. Best wishes for your success.
MMX2010 Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 sometimes when I listen to Stefan talking to people about their parents abuse, I get angry. Then it's gone, almost as if it was never there, and I couldn't tell you what I was angry about. I look to see if there are things that I'm still unresolved about with my childhood, but I haven't seen anything yet. Do you remember which podcast, and which caller, most vividly triggered this response?
SamtheSinger Posted August 29, 2014 Author Posted August 29, 2014 Hi RuralRon, Thanks for the Welcome! I have the same experience with failure sometimes, though I have made progress in that area. I'll look into the book you mentioned, thanks for the suggestion! MMX2010 I was just looking for the podcast, but I was listening to youtube videos. There are two that stood out I'm Addicted to Helplessness! Testosterone Based Parasites I felt a stirring feeling during both of them, but when I listen to them again I don't find much that stands out to me, except for one part in the testosterone based parasites video where the woman Stef is talking to says "I just feel kinda lost". That part just leaves me feeling a deep sadness, but only for a moment. I have listened to it several times, and I get no more insight into why it bothers me.
_LiveFree_ Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 When you feel emotions about to come up and then you get foggy or there seems to be an auto-suppress function working on you, say out loud "fog", then write down what was just said or what just happened or what you just thought just before the fog. Sometimes you'll literally forget what just happened. That's the fog, which is a defense you learned at a young age. If you were to express your anger you'd be hurt even worse. Therefore, you fog. If you start paying attention to what happens right before you fog you'll start developing a map that can lead you where you need to go. Like leaves blowing in the wind and howling noises can lead you to understand that wind happens when air pressure changes. 3
SamtheSinger Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 Nathan Diehl, thank you! I cannot express how much this has helped me in the past few days! I'm really getting some insight into things, I'll share more later when I'm not on a mobile. 1
QueechoFeecho Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 That sounds like a good tactic/habit to adopt. Are there any other similar things that one can learn and implement quickly?
_LiveFree_ Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 That sounds like a good tactic/habit to adopt. Are there any other similar things that one can learn and implement quickly?I don't think you can get any quicker than responding in the moment, and emotions tend to come up when ever they want to. Forcing anything definitely won't work. In the beginning, working with emotions always seems tedious, difficult, and never ending. Just stay consistent and stuck with it.
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