The battle for connection!

[Falling Trees]

I am writing this post as a cry for help. After a few weeks of searching I have found that I lack connection with myself and that I have been missing this for such a long time that it has become really foreign to me. Whenever I actively try to get some connection it is like I am stepping into a massive battle where I have to constantly fight off going blank. Even as I write this, I struggle. It is so damn frustrating.

 

I first grew some insight into just how disconnected I am when a few weeks back my nephew and I sat down and I really tried to be curious about his thoughts and feelings which was absolutely terrifying. After it was like an atomic bomb of spontaneity went off in my core and it was almost scary how new it was. 

 

I would hugely, hugely appreciate any advice you can give as to how I can reconnect with myself. Journaling tips, therapy tips, anything you can think of would be helpful.   Thank you. 

[MysterionMuffles]

Hey man I'm glad you have gained the awareness to recognize the discrepancy. It's hard to reconnect with ones self, but if you want some journaling tips here's some from my blog.

 

Start off with the fundamental principle I describe here: http://yourwritetolive.com/2014/07/03/the-free-fall-journal/

 

and then move onto this post about personal journaling: http://yourwritetolive.com/2014/07/10/save-20000-on-therapy-by-buying-a-20-journal/

[Yeravos]

Hello Jecht! Just want to say, that this revelation of yours, and your commitment to getting better, are really important first steps into getting better. The road is going to be difficult, but know that you got what it takes to emerge stronger than ever before.

 

I have found the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy model to be quite useful for me. I'd recommend the book ''Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy'' by Jay Earley (quite a mouthful title).

 

As far as principles goes, I think honesty, curiosity and compassion are the most important when you are working with yourself.

 

Hope that helps you out a bit

[Falling Trees]

Hey man I'm glad you have gained the awareness to recognize the discrepancy. It's hard to reconnect with ones self, but if you want some journaling tips here's some from my blog.

 

Start off with the fundamental principle I describe here: http://yourwritetolive.com/2014/07/03/the-free-fall-journal/

 

and then move onto this post about personal journaling: http://yourwritetolive.com/2014/07/10/save-20000-on-therapy-by-buying-a-20-journal/

This was super helpful thank you

 

Hello Jecht! Just want to say, that this revelation of yours, and your commitment to getting better, are really important first steps into getting better. The road is going to be difficult, but know that you got what it takes to emerge stronger than ever before.

 

I have found the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy model to be quite useful for me. I'd recommend the book ''Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy'' by Jay Earley (quite a mouthful title).

 

As far as principles goes, I think honesty, curiosity and compassion are the most important when you are working with yourself.

 

Hope that helps you out a bit

just ordered the book and will ask my therapist about IFS. Thanks for the info.

[MysterionMuffles]

let us know how it goes

[Falling Trees]

I have come to the realization that my pain comes in part from a pre-verbal state. After listening to my call-in not long ago I saw how badly I needed to express my need for connection and how verbally blank I became in that moment. I can talk an ear or two off if I wanted, but the moment the conversation starts I lose all of my words. The moment I realized this I cried, but this time it was different. A cry that came from a sort of core in my chest, pushing air out of my mouth like two most powerful bellows. It was then that I recognized, and I feel truly respected the.. well I would say pain but I feel that it is not enough to put it into one word. With this I step in to the jungle of the self to search for that child who was not allowed to exist. 

 

I have this new grasp on my historical agony, but with my current conditions I feel I can only experience these in as safe and calm an environment as possible. With my next therapy appointment in another week I feel... well I was originally going to ask for more tips and stuff, but I .. I really just want to ask if I am still here as I write this. If what I said makes any sense. If I am rambling to mach. If I can be seen. If I can be heard.

 

I don't expect anything. Maybe just forum journaling. 

[Olle Persson]

I've just recently realized the same thing, I was shielded from connecting with my feelings. I love when I can connect with my emotions its a wonderful feeling of relief, I and feel a genuine connection with myself in those moments.

 

I have a part of me who takes the lead in trying to connect but that doesn't work so I'm still learning how to connect with myself, but one tip I can give is, to see if you can accept the feeling/s you are experiencing without judgement and without trying to connect, just be with those feelings.

 

If you have any tips I would love to hear them.

[Drew.]

I'm really sorry to hear that about your situation, Jecht. Although, I'm glad to read that you've been able to make some connection with this part. It can be really difficult reconnecting with split-off parts of our personality. Your description to me about just "rambling to mach. If I can be seen. If I can be heard." seems rather infantile. A baby can't communicate properly, and all it can really do is make noise and try to draw attention. Maybe the mood you were in when you felt that is this pre-verbal part trying to express itself somehow. I'm glad to read that you're in therapy as well. I hope it's working out well for you.

 

Olle, I know exactly what you're talking about. When I first started getting into IFS, I would always have a part that wanted to rush in and take control of the healing process. It may make it past my defenses, but the next day things would revert back to normal. One thing that I've found to be effective is to ask myself, "How do I feel toward X part?" There are times where the answer is annoyance, frustration, or anything that is outside of a healing state. When I do that, I can often times listen to what the part has to say, ask it to unblend, and then continue on my work with the initial part.

[Falling Trees]

the show I referred to is 2783 the first call.

 

Something else I found interesting was I had projected like a father figure on to Stef perhaps when I was younger and just how mute I became in the call.