Day One of Quitting Alcohol and Marijuana

[AKeinick]

Tried to post this yesterday (so its actually day two now) but connection was poor so I'll post it now:

 

Just got through podcasts 830-833 and a quote really resonated with me when Stef speaks about a listener who criticises Christina's (spelling?) general stance against using drugs and alcohol. Stef basically says "She's into people living in reality and drugs distort your relationship to reality.". Until today my routine has been to get off work, go home, smoke a bowl, play video games, go to bed. I dont drink as often as many people I know which is probably a higher amount of people than most considering I work in the bar industry and alcoholism runs in my family, some times ill just have beer or two but the times I drink to get drunk, I get drunk fast, i become even more socially akward, i throw up and fail to remember things the next day while also feeling like absolute shit. I also dont have very much fun usually when Im drinking because, as Stef says in the podcasts mentioned above, it kinda hollows you out and nothing substantial can really be discussed or related to especially considering the people your with are probably not exactly philosophers. I'm always tired and I RARELY do anything productive. I have a shitty job. My house is a mess. I never have any money and there is a list a mile long of things I need to do but keep putting off, mostly because I have no money and its just easier to go home and get high and play video games. The list goes on. I'm twenty eight and I have a son whos mother is very controlling and strictly limits my time with my son which is exteremely hard on him as she has him in a catholic school and absolutely uses him as an emotional sponge but here I am doing nothing useful to fight it short of attempting to teach him about love and logic when he's with me for a few hours on the weekold. Anyways I could go on for hours about this but the point is that today I decided to forgo the weed. It was so tempting and I haven't thrown it in the garbage yet... It seems like a waste and I thought maybe I would give the leftovers to a friend but I should probably just flush it down the toilet... Anyways today is day one. Instead of going home to wallow in my sorrows I went to see a movie with my two little brothers, 13 and 15 years old respectively, hung out with them a bit and told them that I'm on day one of no drugs no alchoh, and then I went home, stared at the weed a bit but kept true to not smoking it, instead I downloaded the recent rogan/molyneux podcast I've been meaning to listen to, I shaved for the first time in three weeks and now I'm writing this post. I'll try to keep you posted but of course if I relapse (so to speak) I probably won't keep you posted... Anyways please wish me luck! Any advice or comments or criticisms of any kind are most welcome! Please be honest as fuck with me and don't pull any punches, my sons future may well depend on it.

[st434u]

Put distance between you and people who use drugs or alcohol. Especially while they are doing it. Or at least let them know that you've quit and that if they try to get you to smoke or drink again, they'll be harming you. Don't throw it down the toilet, that's a way of telling yourself that you don't have the discipline not to use it just because it's there. Keep it with you as a reminder that you don't need it. Throw it away when you've gone months (or better yet, years) without even wanting to get high. Same goes for alcohol. (obviously, do consider throwing it away if keeping the stuff involves a risk of you going to jail or something). The fact that you feel like it's a waste shows that you still consider this to be a valuable thing that you might need or want in the future. Throw it away when you no longer feel that way. When you consider it garbage, or something that has no use for you (though it might have use for others), then throw it away (or give it away, if it's safe to do that).

 

I'm sorry about your son, but I would consider that it might make sense for your ex to want to limit your time with him if you've been a pothead and at risk of becoming a drunkard as well.

[wdiaz03]

I admire your decision, My advice is that unless you know why you were using these substances on the first place it will be much harder to quit them. You should explore what vacuum they where filling in your life, this might require therapy and self knowledge. Stef has mentioned the book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Dr. Gabor Maté" on the subject. Best of luck.

[AKeinick]

Thanks for the thouhts thus far. I should clarify since I didn't in the first post that the idea is to quit getting drunk, not to quit drinking. I'm not opposed to having a beer or two (no more) with friends on occasion and things like that. A glass of wine at dinner is good for you, two neither good nor bad, three... not so good. Pot on the otger hand is far more tempting to me for various reasons. I definately need to keep my distance from it. I really like the idea of keeping the pot I have to remind myself, its a tiny amount so no risk of jail, and I live in Canada so the swat teams won't be running any US style midnight raids anytime soon, it may also help in a situation where its offered to me and I wont feel sentimental since I could have gone back any time between now and then of my own accord. I also like the idea of understanding WHY I was into these things... I think the alcohol is largely a thing of social and familial pressure considering the alcoholics in my family and the career in kitchens. The pot was has a lot of social and familial pressures but it also has a more immediately pleasing effect without the TOTAL idiocy that results from over use not to mention the hangover leading to much more regular use than alcohol. I definitely want to do some therapy but I can't afford it at the moment which is part of why I'm quitting these things so that I can stop procrastinating on getting a real job. The substances have nothing to do with my ex 'limiting' our father son time though, but that's a whole other can of worms, basically she tried to take him to England and marry a guy she barely knew so she could get pregnant and leave me in the dust, she wants to raise him as a baptist, she spanked him when he was three, we couldn't have more opposite views of how to raise him. She yells and screams to resolve conflict and her emotions, I don't, the list goes on. Suffice it to say I dated and impregnated her about about 2-3 years before I became acquainted with philosophy and peaceful parenting and holy shit has there been a lot of growth since then but I digress. Anyways thanks again a TON for the thoughts thus far. Please keep them coming. Day two complete! Tomorrow is my weekly day with my son so no chance of relapse then! See ya in a day or two y'all

[K.o.t.H.]

Stay strong. You can do it.

[TheSchwartz]

I too am having issues with quitting cannabis. Whenever my thoughts turn to quitting I get this feeling of hollowness and I am afraid of where that might lead.

 

I admire your decision, My advice is that unless you know why you were using these substances on the first place it will be much harder to quit them. You should explore what vacuum they where filling in your life, this might require therapy and self knowledge. Stef has mentioned the book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Dr. Gabor Maté" on the subject. Best of luck.

I also find it difficult to understand why I do this to myself, and I am very glad to know that I might find help in the book you suggested for more reasons than I initially got it for.

[fractional slacker]

Quitting weed is hard. I feel ya. It's everywhere and it never lets you down. It is a relief from the mundane, feels good, and it's better than a whole lot of other substances. Those are the temptations you will face every hour of everyday for the foreseeable future. Few people chose to quit of their own volition. It's not easy. You can do it.You can think of it as closing a chapter in your life even if you don't know how to proceed with the next chapter. You can even reserve the right to have a balanced relationship with weed at some distant point in the future when you meet certain goals or milestones. That can be helpful as you set the terms for when and how you might find value in using weed. For now, you realizeyou and weed need to spend some time apart.

If you are not already doing exercise, consider taking it up. Even if you only do an hour walk every other day, you will feel better. Challenge yourself to replace weed with a different activity. Plus you can listen to podcasts. Double whammy.

[Bouncelot]

I admire your decision, My advice is that unless you know why you were using these substances on the first place it will be much harder to quit them. You should explore what vacuum they where filling in your life, this might require therapy and self knowledge. Stef has mentioned the book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Dr. Gabor Maté" on the subject. Best of luck.

^This^

 

I can speak much for weed or alcohol, however i was a smoker for many years. Understanding where the "Need" comes from, what hole it is filling, will take you a long way to kicking it. I am still fighting with quitting, almost 2 years now, but when I feel the urge to buy a pack, or bum one from someone, I am able to ask myself where the desire cam from, and to talk myself out of it. Rationally.

[J. D. Stembal]

I am so proud of you.

 

I made the decision to go completely sober in May. Alcohol was the biggest problem for me, although I've nursed occasional habits of cocaine, marijuana, and various common club drugs. The biggest challenge that you'll probably encounter is that no one in your circle of friends will support your sobriety because, most likely, they also have substance abuse problems. I had one friend - who, incidentally, doesn't speak to me now - tell me that I wasn't an alcoholic when I told him I stopped drinking. A couple weeks later, he invited me to go camping which turned out to be a thirty person weekend binge drinking festival in the woods. The two sober people there were me and his teenage son. Aside from a few positive interactions with people, I had a completely awful time dealing with his boorish friends, some of which were openly hostile to me. I think this had to do with me openly giving up alcohol and admitting to alcoholism. I knew that I didn't like some of these people but I wasn't told beforehand that they would be there. I had the false impression that because his teenage son was in town, it would be a relaxing affair. Wow, did he prove me wrong. I've looked back on all the people with which I've spent a lot of time and found myself almost completely surrounded by alcoholics.

 

Groups like NA and AA are helpful since everyone there is committed to staying sober, and you can make new friends, but I was personally turned off by the religion that they conveniently peddle with the twelve step process and the meetings. Perhaps you can find a group that are atheist if all the god talk bothers you.

[Stoic_Dreamer]

I was there five years ago. For me it was a daily diet of alcohol, coke, and weed with the occasional rolling and tripping.  The lifestyle sucks you in, is a consuming thing, even if it is simply weed on the weekend.  In the summer of 2009 FDR hit me between the eyes like a sledgehammer.  Being woken up by philosophy can be an incredibly painful thing. Sometimes I feel like the bald weasel character from the Matrix crying to be put back in... that half-life can be miserable but it is acceptable, perhaps even desirable, if it is all you have ever known.   However you can't really go back after philosophy and awareness comes in.

 

Your idea to keep drugs near you to remind you of (what, not exactly clear)  is an epically bad idea.  The pull of prior habits can often short-circuit your intellect.  However, the temptation of it is hardly the worst part of the idea.  If you are serious about being involved in your child's life then you can't have drugs anywhere near that child- not in the same room, not in the same house, not in your vehicle, and not on your person.  Even with my horrible, denigrating, stereotyping of Canadian law enforcement as adorably effeminate and child-like mounties saluting the giant pot-leaf on their flag, the substance is still illegal, and therefore presents a direct threat to you (and your son). Drug possession will be used as a club to beat you with whether you are in child custody proceedings or a criminal court. Is gambling your son's life, well-being, and future on a few grams of vegetation really worth it? You know the statistics for children without a father present in their life (which if your woman successfully takes your son away to England -or through custody proceedings- may become a reality).  Even if this never came to pass, what will your son say of his father and his childhood? Half measures do not typically achieve their desired results.

 

Spending time with active drug users is also not advisable.  The reverse is also true... creating a support network of people that understand what you are going through is important.  Family members can play a role but it is the understanding/identification that is most important.  I can't speak for the other people that replied on here but I can give you my email or phone number if you would find that helpful.  Someone already mentioned twelve-step groups as a resource; Although you will occasionally find some wacky stuff in there, it is an easy way to build a support network.  My preference is toward NA because they tend to emphasize emotional connection, building a community, and are less uptight/conservative than the AA people, but that is just a personal opinion. The Canadian meetings I have been to (mostly Ontario) were absolutely delightful. If you are totally against the whole 12 step thing there is an alternative called SOS (Secular Organizations for Sobriety).  Although they are smaller they have a presence in most places- here is their website:  http://www.sossobriety.org/home.html

 

I hope some of that was helpful.  It has not been my intention to tell you what to do but to provide direct feedback.  A couple other resources you might find helpful:

 

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (not exactly about drug use, but it is extremely helpful)

 

Mate's book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts (mentioned in the previous posts)

[FreedomNoFilters]

Have you considered moderation? I used to smoke weed every day, and tried quitting cold turkey. I failed. Instead, I decided that I'd only allow myself to smoke weed on special occasions/Saturday afternoons. This system has worked pretty well for me.