Omegahero09 Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 So as we all know, some women experience some pretty severe hormonal surges when that time of the month comes around. I've seen some women use their periods as an excuse to be an asshole, and others have genuinely difficult periods and apologize and dismiss their behavior. What does the forum think about the time of the month and the period and how does it run with UPB?
Dylan Lawrence Moore Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 My last girlfriend had extreme hormonal issues that were near relationship-destroying each month before her period. It was so bad she called it Weltuntergangstag (Something like "the day the world goes under"). She demonstrated the same astonishment that I felt the days after this; specifically that each month she didn't realize what was going on and thought the whole world was against her, only to snap out of it a day or two later and be surprised that she didn't realize it was her period/hormones. Every month she would vehemently apologize to me a few days after the day, but she also expected me to give her slack for turning into such a crazy bitch. I started off being overly understanding to allow for her hormonal imbalance, but her expectation of "being put up with" slowly crept into times of the month where she wasn't having her period (although never to the extreme as the crazy bitch day during the month). Eventually I found myself being controlled by a bad attitude. To contrast this, she began researching herbal remedies to help regulate her hormones and found one that she said had the most powerful effect she had every experienced in alleviating her hormonal stress during her period. The stress didn't go away, but the crazy bitch level dropped significantly. However, the creeping control continued. We eventually broke up but have stayed in contact, and she just reported to me that for the first time since she can remember, she didn't have her Weltuntergangstag. Apparently the herbs had finally caught up with her. Long story short? Hormonal imbalance due to menstrual problems may suck, but it's not fate. There are simply and cheap ways to deal with it that are incredibly effective. Having empathy for someone for having menstrual problems is one thing, but allowing them to control you for it and be an asshole, especially when there are cheap, easy, and effective remedies available, is bullshit. It's obviously hard for us men to understand what it's like to have a crazy-bitch cycle, so the more empathetic of us try to give the girl as much room to get better as possible. I think the problem arises where we don't understand the boundary between "being sick" and "using being sick to get what I want". For the women reading this who are dying to know what the herb is (and the men with women in their lives who are also dying to know), it's chaste tree berry. Apparently the tincture is the way to go. I think my last girlfriend has moved on to taking several herbs regularly (some sort of "period tea"), but the one she swears by is chaste tree berry. I know she's at least passed it on to another friend who has severe (i.e. relationship-destroying) menstrual problems, and this friend has also reported immediate and effective results. If anyone is interested I can ask her about the other herbs she's taking.
hannahbanana Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 I think that it makes no difference. For me at least, I am (thankfully) pretty unaffected, but I guess the best thing you can equate it to is stress. When my hormones are in flux, sometimes things can feel a little more stressful or overwhelming than normal (to varying degrees for different people). Usually when you're stressed, you will be more snappy, irrational, and short on patience. If a person lashes out at me because they are stressed, I understand that this plays a role, but I would still expect an apology. If I am the stressed one who's lashing out, I take that as a sign that maybe I need to take a break and do something a little more relaxing, so I can calm down before I do something aggressive again. I think it would be the same way when it's based on hormonal reasons. This is my impression of it, but it might just be because I haven't had a really horrible experience, like Dylan's girlfriend had. I'm curious Dylan, did she behave similarly (even if to a lesser extent) when she was experiencing normal stress? 1
Dylan Lawrence Moore Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 I'm curious Dylan, did she behave similarly (even if to a lesser extent) when she was experiencing normal stress? Most definitely yes. It was like a mini version of what she did before her period.
bugzysegal Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 Errr... for my longest relationship I never treated my girlfriend any differently when she was on her period. We would high five at the beginning chanting "zero babies!" in honor of the birth control she was taking. 1
hannahbanana Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 Most definitely yes. It was like a mini version of what she did before her period. Yeah, so it sounds like it would make sense if bad PMS=stress on steroids. It certainly makes it easier to lash out at people, but it doesn't remove agency. I'm glad to hear she's found some remedies to help out, it also sounds pretty interesting Errr... for my longest relationship I never treated my girlfriend any differently when she was on her period. We would high five at the beginning chanting "zero babies!" in honor of the birth control she was taking. Haha that's awesome!
dsayers Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 Humans have an upper brain that can conceptualize the other, formulate ideals, compare behaviors to those ideals, and calculate consequences for behaviors. We use this to inhibit the more primitive parts of our brains. Short of an illness that compromises these inhibitions, neither drugs, hormones, nor stress can make us behave in ways we otherwise wouldn't. If I'm stressed and I interact with somebody in a way that I feel is less than ideal, then this is an opportunity for me to pursue self-knowledge. For example, I used to manage a restaurant and treated those who were working "underneath me" as equals. However, during times when we were slammed, I did become more snappy towards them. It revealed to me that my treating them as equals was a matter of convenience to me and not the result of a principled acceptance of their property rights. If a person accepts their own capacity for error and wishes to live virtuously, then this sort of thing should serve as a preamble for self-improvement. As opposed to serving as an excuse to allow for treating others in a less than ideal manner on an ongoing basis. 3
Omegahero09 Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 If a person accepts their own capacity for error and wishes to live virtuously, then this sort of thing should serve as a preamble for self-improvement. As opposed to serving as an excuse to allow for treating others in a less than ideal manner on an ongoing basis.This is exactly what I was thinking. Thank you dsayers for that clarification. I'm starting to think that women who abuse raging periods is just another marker that points to dysfunction in childhood. Also good old fashioned marijuana cools her down. In all seriousness it's amazing what that stuff does for stress, pain, and trouble sleeping.
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