Has Anyone Here Quit Drinking?

[NotDarkYet]

Knowing my fathers horrible history with alcohol, I shouldn't have touched the stuff.  He would get knockdown drunk every single night.   I never had a father, I had a ghost/monster who took zero interest in me or my thoughts.  In fact, he'd roll his eyes when I asked a question and go back to his drinking.   Anyway...

 

Over the last 5 years my drinking habit has increased.  I'm up to about 4-5 beers (ie, miller lite, low alcohol content) per night.  Not a rehab worthy amount, but still, I think it's affecting me.

 

I'm noticing a very low energy level.  What used to give me pleasure (jamming, writing, reading), now gives me none.

 

I want to experiment with zero drinking at home (99% of where I drink) - to see if that helps.

 

Last night was my first day in of zero drinking in ages.    I felt some anxiety and nervous energy.  And when I fell asleep, I had nightmares.

 

 

 

Has anyone else gone through this process?

 

Any timeline I should keep in mind?

[MysterionMuffles]

Yeah I've quit drinking, at least excessively. I'll maybe have a beer or two every few months, but never go overboard. I used to drink heavily from when I was 16-25. What happened at 25 was that I was getting heart palpitations since I already have a heart condition and I could feel my kidneys straining to process the alcohol. One night I refused to eat anything or drink water when I had drank a couple of Captain Morgan shots ontop of all the many beers I already had before hand.

 

"Beer before liqour only makes you sicker."

 

The next morning I thought I was going to die because upon opening my eyes, the moment I tried to get up I felt my kidneys pinch, my vision go black and I passed out. I really thought it was the end but I woke up a few hours later just really hungry and in intense pain. I don't think it should ever come to that for you, but I would suggest you stop before you do feel physical effects. They fucking SUCK! The lack of energy is a bit managable for a while, but be thankful that's where you're at for now. 

 

Five beers a night may not seem like much but that's gonna add up.

 

What made jamming, writing, and reading less enjoyable besides drinking?

 

PS sorry about your father's presence being much of non-presence...that's really scary like living with a haunting ghost of every indication that this habit isn't worth it.

[NotDarkYet]

Hmm

 

The jamming/writing stopped being fun after my 4th record.

 

Now:  Every chord change sounds boring.  Every beat sounds blah.  Every melody seems grey.

 

The guitar and keyboard don't seem like a playground anymore.  Just grey mass of predictable patterns.

 

 

Something's wrong.  It never used to be that way.

 

 

Strangely, the last song I wrote was this one, maybe it portends something:    

 

 

Summer's End:

--------------------

I once saw silver linings, now I only see clouds. Where once I had a thousand friends now got a crowd. I used to say that everything will work out in the end, but to the beaten and heartbroken ones you just can't pretend. 

Where once I had an open heart, now I close it like a fort. With great stone walls and archers poised and a guard at every door. And if a stranger should come knocking on a cold and lampless night with a cloak and dagger close at hand I'll be safe inside. 

Here's three cheers for the beaten. Three cheers for the broke. Here's three cheers for the wind-blown ones at the bottom of that rope. Here's three cheers for those cannot say the glass is half full. Here's three cheers if you can't count sheep and you end up counting wolves. 

The birds are singin' in the trees but little do they know the very limbs they stand upon will be buried in the snow. And the wavin trees and buzzin bees and flowers pink and red will all turn grey and all fall down when summer ends. 

All that's good and right I've seen you could balance on a knife. You may call it cynical but I just call it life. And those few with golden souls will be trampled in the ground under the boots of those marchin fools who always run this town. 

Here's three cheers for the beaten. Three cheers for the broke. Here's three cheers for the wind blown ones at the bottom of that rope. Here's three cheers for those cannot say the glass is half full. Here's three cheers if you can't count sheep and you end up counting wolves. 

Is there nobody out there to lift the curse upon this place for sake of all us rats down here circling a maze? If a message in a bottle, then I'd send it off in haste in a rocket at the speed of sound bound for outer space!

[MagnumPI]

I stopped. Knowing why was the biggest part of quitting, that it was a replacement for actual fulfillment. Once I realized why I figured out that I didn't need to, and as a result, did not want to. It was a financial and time drain that I was only doing because I wouldn't deal with other shit. So, I dealt with that instead. And in choosing to be present absolutely in my own life, it was necessary to cut it out completely. Don't miss it.

[NotDarkYet]

I stopped. Knowing why was the biggest part of quitting, that it was a replacement for actual fulfillment. Once I realized why I figured out that I didn't need to, and as a result, did not want to. It was a financial and time drain that I was only doing because I wouldn't deal with other shit. So, I dealt with that instead. And in choosing to be present absolutely in my own life, it was necessary to cut it out completely. Don't miss it.

 

I like this.  

 

I always told myself that drinking was an ENHANCEMENT to my life.  Which, I think it was at times.  But now....time for a change. 

[MysterionMuffles]

interesting...I haven't heard or read your other music but those lyrics sound like you've hit a high point in growth. I would be curious about what it would mean to transcend beyond that point in your ability to open up in your lyrics.

btw you have an awesome voice!

thanks for sharing it actually brought tears to my eyes especially with the link about cloak and dagger for some reason...reminds me of how guarded I am and how much it costs and benefits me at times.

[MagnumPI]

For serious. I'm listening to the whole playlist now at work. What are you doing on this site? Go tour coffee shops and stuff. I could get you booked at like 5 places, this week, in fucking Bakersfield.

 

Interact, engage. If you're not already. Even if you have to go solo, fuck it. You can't do something that well, and say it just doesn't work anymore. I don't buy it. It has to be something else that got boring.

[NotDarkYet]

 

thanks for sharing it actually brought tears to my eyes especially with the link about cloak and dagger for some reason...reminds me of how guarded I am and how much it costs and benefits me at times.

 

For serious. I'm listening to the whole playlist now at work. What are you doing on this site? Go tour coffee shops and stuff. I could get you booked at like 5 places, this week, in fucking Bakersfield.

 

Interact, engage. If you're not already. Even if you have to go solo, fuck it. You can't do something that well, and say it just doesn't work anymore. I don't buy it. It has to be something else that got boring.

 

Guys, that means so much to me.  I almost teared up myself reading that.     It's rare that someone will actually listen to original music (in my life at least).  My mother/brother/sister didn't bother to listening to it (until I asked them to).

 

Imagine spending 2 years writing a novel...and nobody in your family reading it!  And a record is only 60 minutes of effort.

 

I WANT to tour, I want to spend my life doing music.  I fantasize about renting out my house and just, as you say interacting....but...

 

I'm so pessimistic.  What if the reception is cold?  Doesn't the world have enough music?    Radiohead exits.  Why would anyone care?  Isn't it a selfish thing to do?

 

Those are the things that run through my mind.

[MagnumPI]

"What if the reception is cold?"It's OK, you've got already got another show tomorrow. Pre-booking alleviates the need to continually be accepted today. Besides, you're not playing for the people who think you suck. You're playing for the people who like it and/or want to hear something new, and real.

 

"Doesn't the world have enough music?"Fuck no. Does the Ozone have enough breathable air? Are there enough pleasant sounds in the world? Of course not! Never."Why would anyone care?"

 

Don't worry about anyone, just the right ones.

 

"Isn't it a selfish thing to do?"

 

I sure goddamned well hope so! You aren't doing what you want to and you're miserable. So, stop doing that.I mean, I'm no guru, Buddha, master philosophiser but I produce oil, and then pretty much suck at everything. It takes like years and years to get good at anything and then I just do it because there's nothing else to do. So, for you to have this ability is like a kick in the balls to me and every other no-hope asshole who goes and programs ladder logic and "designs" control panels, other bullshit like that to say, "Yeah, I do want to do all this creative, fun stuff I'm really passionate about, and I'm pretty good at it, but no thanks. It's easier to stay put."

Nope, fuck that. I do all this narcoleptic garbage, to pull oil out of the ground so people like you can fly and drive around doing something meaningful with my gas.

[MysterionMuffles]

Imagine spending 2 years writing a novel...and nobody in your family reading it!  And a record is only 60 minutes of effort.

 

I was working on a novel for THREE years (very on and off) and shared it with people who I thought were my friends,  but they never took the time to read beyond the first paragraph in all the time I allotted them to have a copy. 

 

I'm now 9 months in a novel I'm more passionate about, I am actually facing opposition by abusive parents for writing what I'm writing. It's a sign I'm writing something that pushes the social norm like Judy Blume once did, but it's all grandiosity until I really push to finish and publish this book.

 

So yeah I can relate to people not taking a look at your creations when you want and respect their opinion. There's this one woman whose dinner parties I would go to so I can support her vegan cooking line and they were great meals and social situations sure, but she couldn't even take the time to read a single chapter of my book or watch 8 minute videos I've recorded. Long story short, over horrible philosophical debates that didn't go anywhere because she was always just projecting her toxic, I unfriended her.

[NotDarkYet]

Yes. It's a strange thing - intimate people who don't take the time to check out projects of huge importance to you.

 

 

Last week I broke up with a girl who, after 1.5 years of asking her to read Everyday Anarchy, and Practical Anarchy, hadn't read them yet.  

 

I'd ask her every week, "how are you coming on EA and PA?" and she'd say "they're on my list".

 

And she was 1) unemployed and 2) a HUGE reader (she even had a book club).

 

 

Wow.

 

It was indicative of the relationship.

 

She was a music/food/nightlife reviewer in her last job...and she hadn't even listened to my record.

 

I asked her to name ONE of the first 5 songs on the record.  She couldn't name anything.

 

Farewell baby.

 

She was writing a book, and I constantly asked if I could be an alpha reader.  So I took interest in her stuff, big time.

[CulturalHeretic]

Im a musician who has also given up booze. i can say that sobriety has certainly upped my game as a musician. I get free drinks as a performer most of the time and i have no problem turning them down. I know my qaulity of performance under the influence is less then it could be. So why compromise? If i spend a  day hungover thats one less day i have to be creative and productive. Why compromise? I think you might have to take some time to get used to the sober life but once you do the benefits are well worth it. I would suggest replacing your old habit with a positive one. The less i drank the more i invested in myself through healthy eating,exercise and self reflection. 

[J. D. Stembal]

Big ups to everyone in the thread for being honest about their feelings and alcohol use. I want to second the notion that you have to understand why you are drinking. Four to five beers a night while staying at home is certainly a possible indication of trouble and alcohol misuse. In college, they called anything more than twelve drinks a week "binge" drinking. I had to take an alcohol education class due to substance abuse, but they didn't give me access to therapy. Looking back, I wish I would have asked for therapy. I was only required to take an online survey for the infraction of underage drinking.

 

Perhaps most people don't really want to know why they drink. Alcoholics even avoid this issue at meetings. I went to a meeting and the topic of discussion was surrounding getting out of your comfort zone in social situations. This is precisely what triggers self abusive behavior and everyone knows it. Instead of talking about social triggers, I started talking about estrangement from my father, and my thoughts on child abandonment and I reflected on why I thought there was a connection. Everyone listened but I didn't see any acknowledgement in their faces. Many of these people had children of their own, but were too enmeshed in dealing with their own thoughts and addictions that they didn't see family to be a contributing factor. At the end of the meeting they gave a salute to a higher power, "God give me the strength to change..." I never went back for a second meeting.

 

They also seemed unwilling to acknowledge that perhaps getting outside your comfort zone means you are hanging out with assholes. My friends from whom I feel increasingly distant, ask me about why I gave up alcohol. It doesn't sound like genuine concern to me. When I tell them I have a substance abuse problem, they act incredulous, as if I telling them they have a problem. They still invite me to hang out with them at bars. It's really fucking scary how when one animal escapes from the zoo, all the other creatures are subtly trying to coax it back into the cage. Just be aware that if you decide that you have a drinking problem, a bunch of people in your life are going to continue to encourage you to drink, either explicitly or more subtly. Maybe your willpower can handle this social pressure, but maybe you aren't that strong. You have to be firm and keep letting them know that you have a problem, otherwise they might get you back in the cage.

[NotDarkYet]

The less i drank the more i invested in myself through healthy eating,exercise and self reflection. 

 

That makes sense.  

 

When I'm not at work I'm usually buzzed...or on Sat/Sun slightly hungover.

 

Last night I didn't drink, and I had this electricity running through my nerves (alcohol withdrawal?)...and I had to DO something to spend the energy, so I learned how to mod a WII.  I would never had done that if I was drinking.

 

Do you have any recordings I can hear?

You have to be firm and keep letting them know that you have a problem, otherwise they might get you back in the cage.

 

Yes.  This worked on me once.

 

I was playing a show (sorry to bring this back to music) with Perfume Genius in 2012. We were backstage and I handed the singer a big free beer.  And he said "no thanks". Being a fool, I asked why.  His reply stung me like a wasp:

 

"Because I'm an alcoholic".

 

 

 

 

Pithy.  Effective.

[J. D. Stembal]

Yeah, it's like that, but I've actually had people close to me say, "Are you still not drinking?. Can I offer you a drink?" It's like they don't get it. I've stopped using the word alcoholic to label myself because it's not completely accurate. I abused way more than just alcohol. I prefer the term substance abuser or addict. Also, people who may be problem drinkers often joke about alcoholism like it's not a real. If you start presenting alcoholism to them as a real world problem that they should acknowledge, they get agitated. The first time I engaged people in a conversation like this, I was very straight-forward, and they seemed genuinely curious. I told them that I had given up alcohol, narcotics, and tobacco. The couple I was addressing were casual drinkers and dedicated pot smokers (stoners, for lack of a better term). They asked me if I felt better mentally and physically after giving up substances, so they showed a modicum of empathy. Other people at the camp out must have overheard me or learned that I recently gave up drinking because two women harassed me later on in the night when they were under the influence. I ended up telling one of them off, and the mood was chilly towards me for the rest of the night and the next morning. I feel that I was duped into joining this camping trip, but I should have known better. I thought it was going to be a simple weekend in the mountains, cooking out around a campfire, but it ended up being a thirty person strong party instead. The only other sober person there besides me was a teenager, the son of the guy who asked me if I was still not drinking recently. He's the one that invited me on the trip.

 

I'm learning that non-addicts or people that refuse to admit an addiction are very unsupportive of me going clean. 

[CulturalHeretic]

Just some acoustic demos here.

Im currently in the process of rewriting and revising.

https://soundcloud.com/pauljroy/sets/steel-string-sorrow-acoustic-ep

[B1-66ER]

 

Over the last 5 years my drinking habit has increased.  I'm up to about 4-5 beers (ie, miller lite, low alcohol content) per night.  Not a rehab worthy amount, but still, I think it's affecting me.

 

 

I certainly don't mean to misjudge or invalidate your own perceptions about the nature of your own addiction, but i'd say this is quite an accomplishment. I've seen less fortunate people plunge into the downward spiral of alcoholism in about 1/5th (no puns intended) the time you've mentioned above, myself included. After an opiate addiction I acquired as a consequence of being a hired gun for the US war machine, I thought alcohol would help ease the agonizing screech of opiate-deficient receptors screaming at me every waking moment of everyday! Honestly about 4-5 beers was just a good start to the night for me at about 3 or 4 months into testing my recent hypothesis. I won't bore you with the details but it wasn't long until I needed to drink a few more shots of Mr. Boston after vomiting, just to be able get back to sleep again. I'd say you're ahead the curve. 

 

If you sincerely believe it's effecting you, then it is. The trick is understanding why it is, and what steps (if any) are needed to remedy the situation. 

 

 

I'm noticing a very low energy level.  What used to give me pleasure (jamming, writing, reading), now gives me none.

 

I want to experiment with zero drinking at home (99% of where I drink) - to see if that helps.

 

Last night was my first day in of zero drinking in ages.    I felt some anxiety and nervous energy.  And when I fell asleep, I had nightmares.

 

This is normal, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Decreased energy and enthusiasm in pleasure-seeking activity is also a common symptom of depression however. You may want to explore the causal reasons why you believe you have a problem with alcohol to begin with. YMMV but I actually tapered off of alcohol. I did the same with opiates as well and thankfully alcohol was much easier. In less than a month of total abstinence I was playing drums again, enjoying meaningful conversation and sleeping through an entire night. I still have nightmares though, mostly about using, drinking, losing my penis and bizarre renditions of memories past.