Alvaro Bernardes Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 (edited) So 2 days ago I found this kitten under a car and rescued it, taking it to my bathroom and feeding it. It's the second kitten I rescue, and im living with the first one. The thing is over these two days I've been feeling really bad emotionally, because of this kitten. I have that feeling of worry, nervousness or butterflies on the stomach, sort of like when you feel like your children is running into traffic. And this is happening all day long except when I'm with the kitten I rescued. It's making me stressed and it's irrational to be worried when I know the kitten is perfectly safe. Does anyone have any idea where this feeling may be coming from? Extra: The kitten attached to me imediately after the rescue, she couldn't go 1 meter away from me and meow'd everytime I left my room (where she's currently at because my cat is aggressive, and I can't let them together). I'm planning on giving the kitten to a friend after no one claims to be her owner after 1 week because I can't keep her. I didn't feel like this with my other kitten, even though I couldn't let him leave the room either for almost 1 month. EDIT: well, I just got a call from the owner and i'll be giving him the cat back, if he can prove it which he says he can. Pain has gone away, still would like to know why I felt that way. Edited September 26, 2014 by AlvaroBernardes
ParaSait Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Perhaps it's because of empathy for the kitten's attachment to you? You know that it strongly needs connection to a caregiver, and it bothers you that it's probably afraid when left alone.
Alvaro Bernardes Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 Yes ParaSait, but my other kitten was also really attached to me yet I didn't feel so strongly about it, granted that was 2 years ago and FDR wasn't present in my life... And I felt this over the past 48 hours, even when I was with it.
Slavik Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Hi Alvaro, can you tell us what thoughts you are having when you have these emotions come up? Are there any worries, perhaps images of the kittens suffering? It is empathy, if you are seeing images of the kitten suffering, and or being alone, it is very possible that you also empathize with what the kitten has possibly gone though, being you might have gone through similar in your childhood.
QueechoFeecho Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 OP - I think it's clear you're empathetic to the worry the kitten might be experiencing given it is probably worried about having no caregiver. That is why it wants to be near you. It can tell you are caring. Animals are better at following such instincts from what I can tell. Are you able to detect precisely what you feel in each of the two following situations...? 1) right when you close the door to your room and leave the kitten behind 2) right when you open the door and are back with the kitten ??
Alvaro Bernardes Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Hi Alvaro, can you tell us what thoughts you are having when you have these emotions come up? Are there any worries, perhaps images of the kittens suffering? It is empathy, if you are seeing images of the kitten suffering, and or being alone, it is very possible that you also empathize with what the kitten has possibly gone though, being you might have gone through similar in your childhood. I feel like it was the feelings that caused the toughts. I'd feel first then think about the cat. I didnt have any clear images of the kitten suffering, but her being alone bothered me, particularly if she was locked in the room. OP - I think it's clear you're empathetic to the worry the kitten might be experiencing given it is probably worried about having no caregiver. That is why it wants to be near you. It can tell you are caring. Animals are better at following such instincts from what I can tell. Are you able to detect precisely what you feel in each of the two following situations...? 1) right when you close the door to your room and leave the kitten behind 2) right when you open the door and are back with the kitten ?? When I closed the door I felt really sad and regretful, i went back a few times after closing the door. she would meow weird like she was desperate, and try to put her little paw in between the door so it wouldnt close. When I opened the door I felt happy as she would greet me and try to reach my hands so i'd pet her. I think there's a word for this but my english is failing me, basically i felt all the stress gone away, calm and no pain, except when I thought about leaving. What also bothers me is that i haven't felt this strongly about any human being other than my girlfriend. I tend to be much more empathetic towards animals, maybe because i was never hurt by one, unlike humans.
Slavik Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I feel like it was the feelings that caused the toughts. I'd feel first then think about the cat. I didnt have any clear images of the kitten suffering, but her being alone bothered me, particularly if she was locked in the room. Hi Alvaro, thanks for sharing. I would posit that being alone is very painful for humans. Were you lonely as a child? Cats usually scratch at the door, but thats just them wanting to go explore with all their little passion, they are not in distress per say. It could very easily be your projection, a projection of your lonely childhood memories, distant not immediate, but very raw emotionally. As far as feeling first, to figure out what images or thoughts flash before hand is a difficult skill that many people have difficulty mastering, it takes time, but try working on it, with a short amount of practice you will be able to remember automatic thoughts, as well as be able to pull them to the surface.
Alvaro Bernardes Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 Hi Alvaro, thanks for sharing. I would posit that being alone is very painful for humans. Were you lonely as a child? Cats usually scratch at the door, but thats just them wanting to go explore with all their little passion, they are not in distress per say. It could very easily be your projection, a projection of your lonely childhood memories, distant not immediate, but very raw emotionally. As far as feeling first, to figure out what images or thoughts flash before hand is a difficult skill that many people have difficulty mastering, it takes time, but try working on it, with a short amount of practice you will be able to remember automatic thoughts, as well as be able to pull them to the surface. Thank you for showing interest and helping me figuring it out! I remember being alone when my mother was late picking me up from activities (swimming, english classes, music classes). She wouldn't take too long, 15-30 minutes, but that's long enough for me to be worried as a child. I felt scared my mother would forget me and I have faint memories of crying when she took too long. I wasn't alone, I had other people there, but i've always been afraid of social interactions and avoided them so it's as bad I think. I also didn't spend much time with my parents from age 7 up, I was always in extra curricular activities. What do you think about this?
Slavik Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Thank you for showing interest and helping me figuring it out! I remember being alone when my mother was late picking me up from activities (swimming, english classes, music classes). She wouldn't take too long, 15-30 minutes, but that's long enough for me to be worried as a child. I felt scared my mother would forget me and I have faint memories of crying when she took too long. I wasn't alone, I had other people there, but i've always been afraid of social interactions and avoided them so it's as bad I think. I also didn't spend much time with my parents from age 7 up, I was always in extra curricular activities. What do you think about this? There are few things here. Do you remember how connected were you to your mother/parents, or were you mostly left to your own devices? Being left alone and not played with, does bring a lot of abandonment issues to a child, later adult. The other part of social interactions, a child needs to be talked to a lot and played with a lot, listened to taught and so on. Every aspect a parent needs to watch for, in some rare cases, children can be shy, thats when a parent should step in to help the child open up. This takes a lot of trust and a lot of work and encouragement. I am not completely sure that the latter is the case, since you have a lot of "loneliness" being left alone emotions coming up.
Alvaro Bernardes Posted September 30, 2014 Author Posted September 30, 2014 There are few things here. Do you remember how connected were you to your mother/parents, or were you mostly left to your own devices? Being left alone and not played with, does bring a lot of abandonment issues to a child, later adult. The other part of social interactions, a child needs to be talked to a lot and played with a lot, listened to taught and so on. Every aspect a parent needs to watch for, in some rare cases, children can be shy, thats when a parent should step in to help the child open up. This takes a lot of trust and a lot of work and encouragement. I am not completely sure that the latter is the case, since you have a lot of "loneliness" being left alone emotions coming up. I was connected for the first 5 years of my life, then I started losing trust on them. I was defenitely very shy afterwards, mainly ages 9+
Slavik Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I was connected for the first 5 years of my life, then I started losing trust on them. I was defenitely very shy afterwards, mainly ages 9+ Hi Alvaro, can you tell me more about losing trust? How did that come about? Has something happened? Not having trust in your caregivers at the very early age, is something that will definitely make a child, insecure, it also brings a lot of loneliness, the idea of not trusting, therefore not being able to depend on or to feel safe. I am really sorry to hear that you have experienced such childhood.
Alvaro Bernardes Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 Thank you Slavik. I don't remember much, but I've a strong memory of telling my parents I liked a girl when I was 5 and getting laughed at and ignored, like what I felt didn't matter to them, or because I was young it was silly and laughable. I think i stopped sharing how my day went from then, or around that age (less than 6).
QueechoFeecho Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I know in my experience that not having my opinions or thoughts asked for about anything, let alone incorporated into decision-making made simply shut that stuff down. Why get upset about something if you being upset will never be acknowledged or taken into consideration? Why voice your opinions if you know they will be ignored?
Alvaro Bernardes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 I know in my experience that not having my opinions or thoughts asked for about anything, let alone incorporated into decision-making made simply shut that stuff down. Why get upset about something if you being upset will never be acknowledged or taken into consideration? Why voice your opinions if you know they will be ignored? I think I don't open up to them because of fear. I always feel very unconfortable doing it. And even though what you think is completely rational, I sometimes do that mistake when I give my opinion about a subject. I try to give some thoughts about anarchism, and even though they agree my parents just say its good theoreticly but not praticly. I do this more often than I should.
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