I'm losing grip on the moment

[Omegahero09]

Living in the present, and genuinely feeling emotions without slipping into a meta analysis is becoming more and more fleeting.

 

My biggest fear is going comatose into my own head, being so lost and detached from the present I am unresponsive to stimuli.

 

Does anyone have any advice for shrugging off the inner analytical voice, that slips in regardless of any reasoning I do with it? Breathing helps, paying attention to my body helps, sitting or standing still for too long doesn't help.

 

Any words on this would be so helpful.

 

-Zach

[MysterionMuffles]

physical exercise. Particularly yoga where holding poses forces you to focus on your balance and your body.

[Drew.]

Hey Zach,

 

I hear what you're saying. I've had my own experiences with an analytical voice that comes in when I'm trying to do any emotional work or feeling anything very strongly. He comes in with a bunch of theories about why things are the way that they are. Sometimes, they're accurate and sometimes they're not. Regardless of their accuracy, his theories have never helped me truly understand myself, instead they have just offered me a possible solution without much interest in exploring deeper.

 

Have you tried sitting with the analytical aspect of yourself and trying to understand it? I learned that my own voice was trying to help me in some aspect, and so I spent some time trying to better understand it and hear out everything that it wanted to share. After I did that, it tends to come forth when it's appropriate and is completely willing to step back when analyzing something will not help.

[travioli]

Maybe you just need to get mad at the voices. Like, if the incapacitating analytical voice were another person, I think you'd be pretty annoyed with them all the time. And if you were forced to be with them, it would take someone very dissociated to not break into a fit of rage about how this condescending person was being to them; their growth, their happiness, anything.My guess is this voice is something internalized, but only a guess. So maybe if you know someone in your life that has an overbearing and paralyzing effect on you, I'd pursue that and confront them.

 

But anyway, to deal with this internal voice, you may need to recognize it as someone else who is sabotaging your efforts at living in the moment and feeling what you actually feel. And, if you've already tried to talk to it rationally and it isn't working, I would try another route--because I think the internalized voice (or self, or whatever you would want to call it) isn't founded on listening to reason, at all. This route would include anger. Like saying "What the hell are you doing for me? You're not really interested in helping me at all, are you? Because empirically, all you try to do is ruin my life and prevent me from growing as a person, so much to the point where I can't even respond to external stimuli! You're literally making my life an internal hell, you fuck!" I mean, you can address it to the specifics of the analytical voice's nature, and so on, which I bet are many. But that's the framework I'd use--confront that voice, attack it, RTR it. Say no to it running your life. 

[Drew.]

Maybe you just need to get mad at the voices. Like, if the incapacitating analytical voice were another person, I think you'd be pretty annoyed with them all the time. And if you were forced to be with them, it would take someone very dissociated to not break into a fit of rage about how this condescending person was being to them; their growth, their happiness, anything.

 

But anyway, to deal with this internal voice, you may need to recognize it as someone else who is sabotaging your efforts at living in the moment and feeling what you actually feel. And, if you've already tried to talk to it rationally and it isn't working, I would try another route--because I think the internalized voice (or self, or whatever you would want to call it) isn't founded on listening to reason, at all. This route would include anger. Like saying "What the hell are you doing for me? You're not really interested in helping me at all, are you? Because empirically, all you try to do is ruin my life and prevent me from growing as a person, so much to the point where I can't even respond to external stimuli! You're literally making my life an internal hell, you fuck!" I mean, you can address it to the specifics of the analytical voice's nature, and so on, which I bet are many. But that's the framework I'd use--confront that voice, attack it, RTR it. Say no to it running your life. 

 

That's very interesting, I've never really encountered someone who would say to attack an internalized voice or aspect of themselves. The closest thing that I've read to that is by Jay Earley about dealing with Inner-Critics which is to raise an Inner Champion to defend against it. In my own experience attempting that, it seems like a band-aid attempt, and I didn't make much progress with resolving anything.

 

I have some questions if you don't mind. Do you have experience using this method? How successful has it been? Do these internalized voices keep coming back? Are they resolved and content? On a day-to-day basis, how do you tend to typically feel? How to you feel about yourself? Where did you learn this approach?

[travioli]

 

I have some questions if you don't mind. Do you have experience using this method? How successful has it been? Do these internalized voices keep coming back? Are they resolved and content? On a day-to-day basis, how do you tend to typically feel? How to you feel about yourself? Where did you learn this approach?

 

 

Learned the approach: I initially heard this in a podcast from Stefan, at least the inspiration for doing it.

 

Experience: Well, I just viewed it as two differing voices--the one that wanted to help me go try and new things, and not be so out of the moment, and then I had the voice that wanted the opposite. This voice was always not recognized as being different; as being a subself. I always would try to reason with it, usually flipping perspectives on how I don't really care if anyone looks awkward, let alone most people really don't. I tried to add that same empathy to myself, but the voice didn't care. I was reluctant to examine it since I had learned that self-attack is never really a good thing, but this isn't self-attack--it's attacking a harmful and destructive internalized alter; it's like my body fighting off a virus. I never really knew that it was a health "self"-attack and that it was a subself until I confronted it; I was really tired of being anxious to do simple things like go to the bank, or go practice my didgeridoo at the park, etc. I hated the way it made me feel like crap and not have fun in the moment. I just always would internally confront it with questions at first, but of course it just backed up because it didn't run on reason. It was like a microscopic voice that didn't respond to reason, and always controlled me out of my conscious awareness--i.e. my mother. 

 

Success: I think I have much greater control over not being over-controlled...haha. The negative analytical "all seeing eye" (which I think might be part of the reason the Eye of Mordor was present in the LOTR series--after all, when it looked at the hobbits, it paralyzed them for having the "ring," maybe symbolizing something like the truth..?). Ahem. The negative analytical "all seeing eye" does not have as much power over me as before--but it's still a work in progress. I don't ever want to abuse my true self in truing to confront my anxiety provoking overlord, so it's a bit of a reserved assault unless it's really apparent. It takes a lot of focus and RTR.

 

Come back or resolved and content? I mean, I bet the voice will keep coming back for a while. Every time I do confront it in the moment, it doesn't really stick around for the next couple of days. But then it like...comes back again. I didn't really believe this subselves stuff until I saw how closely these voices resembled "selves" inside of me. For those few days, I feel content about winning another battle. Gives me more experience.

 

How do I typically feel about myself? Wow that's a lot haha. Day to day, I am really focused on scheduling and getting things lined up in a row. I usually try to look to the next thing, once in a while being spontaneous. I have better days when I act more, and worse when I stagnate and let my analytic voice dominate.In general...I mean I've always been dominated by this voice until relatively recently. I feel like I go back and forth--that I'm really competent, smart, intuitive, lots of skills, but also that I don't know how I'll make it in the world (being 19 and trying to decide on a major, etc.) Socially, I usually feel like I'm under a microscope, and that I'm afraid of rejection and being viewed as unnecessarily "weird" in the bad way. I mean I don't know exactly how much you want to know about me, and you could ask more specific questions if you'd like, but there is some stuff pertaining to the post.

[Pepin]

How is this interfering with your life exactly?

 

This is something my therapist and I talk about a decent bit. When I get lost in thought, the whole world goes away. It is strange because in these moments I have no awareness of my senses, just of my thoughts. If I am having a conversation with this can be awkward for them. It also has been an issue occasionally when I am driving.

 

He suggests that doing this in deep conversation and by yourself can be acceptable, especially when it involves a lot of thinking, but not in casual conversations nor in situations where your attention is needed elsewhere.

 

I don't mean to infer too much from the wording, but I hope you goal is not to always be in the moment. Getting lost in your head is completely needed in certain circumstances. Really challenging thinking almost necessarily entails it in my opinion.

 

To continue, my analytical part is very active, which I like quite a lot. When I watch a movie or a TV show, that part of me is usually analyzing the plot and characters, trying to figure out what is next, and so on. At the same time, there are other parts taking in the show on various emotional levels, as well as in different hard to describe ways. I think it makes the experience more enjoyable and interesting. It is kind of like looking at a piece of art not just from one perspective at a time, yet numerous perspectives at the same time, while being able to retain the joy from each.

 

With that said, when I wish I could turn off my analytical mind is when I am trying to get to sleep.

[Drew.]

Come back or resolved and content? I mean, I bet the voice will keep coming back for a while. Every time I do confront it in the moment, it doesn't really stick around for the next couple of days. But then it like...comes back again. I didn't really believe this subselves stuff until I saw how closely these voices resembled "selves" inside of me. For those few days, I feel content about winning another battle. Gives me more experience.

 

How do I typically feel about myself? Wow that's a lot haha. Day to day, I am really focused on scheduling and getting things lined up in a row. I usually try to look to the next thing, once in a while being spontaneous. I have better days when I act more, and worse when I stagnate and let my analytic voice dominate.In general...I mean I've always been dominated by this voice until relatively recently. I feel like I go back and forth--that I'm really competent, smart, intuitive, lots of skills, but also that I don't know how I'll make it in the world (being 19 and trying to decide on a major, etc.) Socially, I usually feel like I'm under a microscope, and that I'm afraid of rejection and being viewed as unnecessarily "weird" in the bad way. I mean I don't know exactly how much you want to know about me, and you could ask more specific questions if you'd like, but there is some stuff pertaining to the post.

 

Right, that was my experience when I tried fighting my parts as well. I would make some progress for a couple of days, but the self-critical voice would slip back in and I would feel awful until I realized it, and fought it off again. It was a really tiring process, I was always on edge. I couldn't trust myself, and in a way I was my own worst enemy. I had a really difficult experience and sought help from my therapist when navigating an aspect of me that was engaged in self-attack. After that session, I learned how to better approach these kinds of parts, and I had a massive release of the most self-critical aspect of myself. I still experience negative opinions of myself, but they're no longer as encompassing as they used to be, and I usually can resolve such things rather quickly, without return.

 

I don't want to be too presumptuous here, but if you're interested, I would like to offer you my services as a therapist. If you're happy with what you're already doing, and it's working out great, then that's fantastic, just ignore me. But, if you would like to try something new, drop me a line.

[Omegahero09]

Wow. Thank you guys I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. 

 

Anger helps alot, actually. I took a tip from Bill Burr- he uses a technique called "screaming at your windshield" lol which helped me accept anger as a self-soothing tool.

 

I think I know where the analysis and meta-analysis comes from- my dad from very early on used fear and intimidation on my brothers and I to think. You know, teaching your children how to think is necessary and virtuous, but not by death glares and shoving.

 

It also comes from break-ups that happened with girlfriends in the past, who wouldn't tell me why specifically they were breaking up with me, causing me to internalize voices which constantly break everything about every interaction down I have with people ceaselessly. 

Pepin, 

 

I experience precisely the same things you are- slipping into my head without even realizing it in conversations and being too good at mimicking listening, having to quickly catch myself up to the present conversation. This happens to me driving too. Turning the analysis to the road is hard, and never stays there for too long. Responding to stimulus is fine and dandy, but it adds to my anxiety, and personally I don't think it's a safe way to drive, though I'm sure everyone on the road is doing the same thing. 

 

My goal isn't always to be in the moment, that sounds almost hedonistic, but it's difficult now because I rarely experience emotions from the present. I remember as a kid, especially as a teenager and especially as a freshman in college being aware and happy with my ability to live in the moment and experience the present and all it's emotions and empathy with myself and everyone around me and being able to slip into my mind when needed. 

 

Now it's almost impossible. I've broken some ground yesterday because I realized that I had hated myself because of this reason, and instead chose to love myself- turning up the rational selfishness to full. I felt an immense relief, the girlfriend was proud I was back on the self-loving boat, and was happy to see my improvement on myself since we started dating 4 years ago. 

 

What's your theory on 'living in the moment?'

 

Do you think it's the mind experiencing pure empathy with the people, self, and environment around you? Or perhaps something else? 

[Slavik]

Living in the present, and genuinely feeling emotions without slipping into a meta analysis is becoming more and more fleeting.My biggest fear is going comatose into my own head, being so lost and detached from the present I am unresponsive to stimuli.Does anyone have any advice for shrugging off the inner analytical voice, that slips in regardless of any reasoning I do with it? Breathing helps, paying attention to my body helps, sitting or standing still for too long doesn't help.Any words on this would be so helpful.-Zach

Try IFS approach, have a conversation with that analytical part.  This part is only trying to teach you something, its just information.  Try approaching it with curiosity, and see what information it has for you.