Criticism as Connection?

[MysterionMuffles]

I've been thinking about this idea lately; that criticizing immoral, or unempathetic people, to virtuous people is a form of cathartic connection. I've noticed this from having conversations with the community that many of us are, or have been, dissatisfied with the peer groups in our proximity--and opening up about it to each other is a way of expressing our needs and expectations of each other.

 

Let me put forth the caveat that there are people out there who criticize, or I guess slander others, to other people for the sake of character assassination. They have no intention of fixing those relationships or improving their standards for relationships, and they just slander others because they're insecure about themselves.There's this caution you should take with hyper critical people and consider that if this is the way they talk about other people behind their backs, then you should be wary of how you may be talked about behind your back. I get totally get that. 

 

But what about when it comes to criticizing truly shitty people when you're in the pursuit of self-knowledge?

 

I think in that case, criticizing the unempathetic, or downright evil people in our lives, to others on the same path is an implicit way of stating your standards, needs, and prefrences when it comes to relationships.

 

You're saying, "I trust you with this information because it means a lot to me. Here are my vulnerabilities that I felt were taken for granted, or simply attacked, by people who couldn't respect me. I don't like being treated this way by them because of x, y, or z, and this is basically what it takes for me to break contact with someone. I trust you with these certain buttons I have that other people have pressed, and although I'm working on strengthening those weaknesses, I would appreciate if you would do well in not pushing those buttons."

 

Likewise, when we talk well of other people to other virtuous people we're saying, "I like how this person is. You don't have to be anything like them, but I feel safe and secure with you that I can share my admiration of them. If you engender the qualities I speak of about them, then those are some of the reasons why I like having you around. If you don't, you have your own qualities which is why I feel I can trust you with my joy anyway."

 

Tell me what you guys think, I'm curious!

[LovePrevails]

I don't have a relationship with my mum.

I have her occasionally comenting on what I should be doing, should have done, or should do.

[s.costello]

I definitely agree that criticising people for bad decisions amongst friends helps you as a group to share your beliefs and standards with the people you're close to. One difficulty I find in this is making sure that you don't end up just bitching about people with no real purpose behind it. However, I think it does help to strengthen your friendships with good people and allows you to recognise one another's needs.

[MysterionMuffles]

I don't have a relationship with my mum.

I have her occasionally comenting on what I should be doing, should have done, or should do.

 

I was talking about criticizing such people to others, not being criticized itself as a form of connection.

I definitely agree that criticising people for bad decisions amongst friends helps you as a group to share your beliefs and standards with the people you're close to. One difficulty I find in this is making sure that you don't end up just bitching about people with no real purpose behind it. However, I think it does help to strengthen your friendships with good people and allows you to recognise one another's needs.

 

Yeah, exactly! I think a clear indicator on whether or not your criticisms are just is if you've either confronted that person in question about your thoughts and feelings, and whether or not your relationship has improved or ended with them afterward. Otherwise, constantly hanging around someone JUST so you can criticize them to others will fall into the category of hyper critical, and out of implicitly stating and improving standards, by showing you may not have standards if you're willing to put up with bad behaviour beyond neccessity.