Strong emotional reaction.. How to use it?

[OGMizen]

So I heard this song the other day and had a strong emotional reaction to it which lasted a few days.. Now I dont know whether to avoid it or not, and if not, how to work through the feelings. I felt depressed, isolated, lost and helpless and it reminded me a lot of how I used to feel before quitting drugs and finding FDR. Im usually very happy these days but this hit me like a brick in the face. Some back ground:I used to take a lot of psychedelics and nearly went a bit too far.I had a lonely/unloved childhood and spent most of my life very depressed and feeling lost and like an outcast.I lost a child and spent 2 years struggling with mourning her death and dealing with suicidality.I self medicated a lot during that period.I used to listen to a lot of this guy's music at the time (most of which is very heavy and depressing)I struggle to connect with most of my emotions (besides anger, helplessness and sadness which I have learnt to 'manage' somewhat)This is the track I had a big reaction to,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wb52KD6Q9_IThis another one I used to listen to a lot which really resonated with me (probably for obvious reasons)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvr_U5mTlFMAny thoughts/ideas etc would be appreciated. Thanks!

[regevdl]

 I am so sorry for your loss of a child.  May I ask if your use/abuse of drugs started before the loss or only after?  The reason I am asking is because if it only started after the loss of your child, then I feel inclined to suggest you have not fully dealt with the feelings of the loss and you might want to seek professional help specifically in that field (parents who have lost children).  There are therapists who even specialize in sudden loss (like a sudden tragic accident)....which might be some overlap there but just to be aware of how specific some therapists can be and that might be to your advantage. 

 

If your drug use/abuse began before the loss of your child, then you would still want to seek professional help to understand why you felt you needed to self medicate in the first place. 

 

Usually those who are happy and toy around with drugs, rarely abuse drugs to any extreme or long term.  Those who start out unhappy and use drugs, typically feel 'normal' and 'happy' for the first times in their life and thus want to keep that feeling going.  It would appear it stems from your childhood experience of being unloved and lonely.  Especially in those circumstances the adults/caregivers didn't even provide you with lessons on how to deal with emotions or process in a healthy, positive way.  So at this point, a professional can be of great service. 

 

As far as the emotional reaction to the song, it's a trigger but unclear why.  If you typically only listen to deep heavy depressing music, maybe try to change it up a bit for a 'quick fix' in the meantime but don't stop there, seek a good professional who is experienced in childhood traumas as well as (or find two therapists) and a therapist who specializes in loss of a child, this is very very crucial in and untoitself.

 

again, much empathy your way for your very sad experiences of those close to you.  Much luck and success in finding your health and happiness!

[Kevin Beal]

Feel your feelings.

 

You said that you feel "depressed, lost and isolated", but those aren't really emotions. In fact, depression (in the clinical sense) is a lack of emotional connection with yourself. "Lost and isolated" are judgments about where you are at.

 

What is the feeling?

 

The emotions themselves carry the wisdom of how to deal with situations. Thinking about emotions as something you manage or work with is backwards.

 

If you feel anger, it means you perceive an injustice, and you have enough to work with that you aren't likely to ask yourself how to handle your anger. Rather, you'd want to respond to the injustice in some way. (i.e. you aren't focused on the feeling, but the reality).

 

If you feel grief, and as well you should, oh my god, I'm so sorry about your child. I can't even begin to imagine how painful that must be. But if it's grief that you feel, some thought preceded that. Grief wants you to connect with reality.

 

Stef has a quote that goes something like "[all?] insanity arises out of the avoidance of legitimate grief". And that's because grief is the harbinger of the truth.

 

I would change your question to say "what essential truth do I need to connect with?"

 

Also, like regevdl advised, I too would suggest a therapist if you're not already in therapy.