Wesley B Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Today my mother told me that I would have to find somewhere else to live. What set it off is that when she got home I started yelling and screaming at her to "shut up, shut up" because her very presence makes me enraged. I was hysterical. I have totally reached my breaking point. I fully understand and accept that there is no going back to that house. It is a torture chamber for me. I can probably go back once to get a suitcase of my belongings but that's it. My question is that i have no idea what to do now. I am an 18 year old male (19 in two days) and have about 60 dollars to my name. I have no friends that I can turn to. I currently have no job. I have been looking into some homeless shelters but still don't really know what the best solution is right now. I know that I am a good and virtuous person but after years of hell I finally snapped today. I am pretty desperate and have nowhere to turn. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thank you so much.
MMX2010 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I don't have any experience with your situation, so I cannot help you. I will only say that I'm sorry you're in this situation, and that I wish you courage.
aFireInside Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Sorry to hear that, I'm sure there are people here willing to donate some money at least so you can stay in a hotel for a couple of days and search for a job ... *motel 1
LucasV Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I would definitely recommend looking into shelters because from there you have a much better chance of getting a job and getting back on your feet than if you are living on the streets. I don't know where you are located but the weather is getting colder in many places so that's another thing you might need to look out for. If you have more questions feel free to message or ask, I have experience with this type of thing. Best of luck and I hope you get the help you need. 1
Phuein Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Speaking from experience, you want to use this as an opportunity. Get online, in a public library or school, and find places where you could volunteer in, for living and food. Pay doesn't matter right now. Any suitable volunteer work or friendly farm. Make a list, on paper, with phones, emails, names, addresses, and directions. Reach out, and explain that you are now completely free and looking for an opportunity to travel and get skills. Explain that this is immediate, from now to now. Don't give them your life story on first contact, as strangers will not want to feel they are now entirely responsible for you. Show that you are willing to take the risk... and take this risk. Otherwise, the other option, unless you're a wild vagabond like me who enjoyed living outdoors, is a shelter. It's a good option. A bit more static, depressing, and slow, than going to whatever reliable seeming place would accept you for work, but still a good option to get yourself together comfortably. Remember that you can move to any place, and find a shelter there! Take the risk, if you intuit it. You're young and sturdy. As soon as you're settled there, take a breather, and start looking for opportunities. Remember, you are entirely mobile and free now, other than for money. Don't be shy asking for small sums to get you moving. Also, remember that you can hitchhike, and that you can ask people for food, and often enough they will help, even if it feels awkward. Most people can sympathize with being between a rock and a hard place as a young adult. 8 1
Wesley B Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Thank you for all the replies. They were very helpful. I called my last friend that I have in the world and he gave me some good advice. So I've basically confronted and talked to my mother and made her realize that it is evil to kick me out of the house when I literally have nothing. She was manipulative throughout the whole conversation but we made a deal and we agreed that I can still have access to the house but I can't be there when she gets home. I can still sleep there as long as I get home late. We also agreed not to talk to each other any more. This is better than me getting kicked out but I still realize that I need to do everything I can to get out of this house. Starting tomorrow my friend that I mentioned is going to help me start looking for jobs. I'm incredibly grateful that he has decided to help me so much I really had no idea that he would Thanks again for all the replies. It is nice to know that people care. Thank you! 1
Drew. Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Jesus, man. I'm sorry. I don't have much to offer except my sympathies.
giancoli Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 That's brutal man. Hope you are able to navigate through this...Only wanted to express my sympathy for ur situation.
K.o.t.H. Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Do you have any particular skills that you excel at? Good luck, I was in a similar situation when I was seventeen.
MMX2010 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Thank you for all the replies. They were very helpful.I called my last friend that I have in the world and he gave me some good advice.So I've basically confronted and talked to my mother and made her realize that it is evil to kick me out of the house when I literally have nothing. She was manipulative throughout the whole conversation but we made a deal and we agreed that I can still have access to the house but I can't be there when she gets home. I can still sleep there as long as I get home late. We also agreed not to talk to each other any more.This is better than me getting kicked out but I still realize that I need to do everything I can to get out of this house. Starting tomorrow my friend that I mentioned is going to help me start looking for jobs. I'm incredibly grateful that he has decided to help me so much I really had no idea that he wouldThanks again for all the replies. It is nice to know that people care. Thank you! I am glad that you were able to reach this compromise. Have you considered locking / barricading your door while you sleep? I'm not saying that you mother is going to assault you, but I'm saying that you can't be too careful.
Wesley B Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Thanks so much everyone for your sympathies. I really appreciate it alot. I am going to do everything I can to stay away from her. 1
yagami Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Man im sorry to hear that. Wish there was something I could do to help. Something Steph said in one of his podcast really stuck with me. Competent people will always rise no matter what the job is. Try taking that into your next job no matter what it is. Be on time work hard and you will get noticed. Before you know it this will all be in the past and you will be glad you got kicked out. Just keep your eye on the prize. 1
Phuein Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 I hope you manage to balance things out, Wesley. Just being around such an abusive and offensive person tends to drain the emotional energy away, and make an [emotionally] unskilled person functionally disabled, and even self-harming. Update us on how it goes. 1
Biophany Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 If you don't mind me asking, can you give some more details on your situation? Details of this specific scenario as well as history with your mother etc. Also, I want to extend my deepest sympathies for your situation. Hope you find a job soon.
Wesley B Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 If you don't mind me asking, can you give some more details on your situation? Details of this specific scenario as well as history with your mother etc. Also, I want to extend my deepest sympathies for your situation. Hope you find a job soon. Hello, thank you so much for your sympathies. My situation now is that im still living with my mother and we are avoiding each other as much as possible. I have a job at this really nice place teaching guitar but I have no students yet (I'm working it out and hopefully they will be coming in the next week or so). I'm also looking for other part time jobs. I'm seeing a therapist who is good from what i can tell so far but the fact remains that im still living in the torture chamber that is my mothers house. As far as my mothers history i know that she was neglected by her parents (which she inflicted on to me later in life). Other than that I don't know much but I've seen my grandfather yell at her as an adult so i suspect there was verbal abuse as well. I know im almost out but its getting worse. I'm getting angrier and angrier every day. I need to get out ASAP. 1
Ian_Malmstrom Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 I don´t have much to say which hasn´t already been said, but i too just really want to offer my sympathies, I can´t even imagine your situation. It´s Good to hear that you have a job and that you have a roof to be under, albeit your mothers roof. I understand the moral behind yelling at a person and being verbaly abusive, but if there is someone who deserves it it´s your mother. In any case, hope you get out soon, and keep us posted on how it goes.
Biophany Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Hello, thank you so much for your sympathies. My situation now is that im still living with my mother and we are avoiding each other as much as possible. I have a job at this really nice place teaching guitar but I have no students yet (I'm working it out and hopefully they will be coming in the next week or so). I'm also looking for other part time jobs. I'm seeing a therapist who is good from what i can tell so far but the fact remains that im still living in the torture chamber that is my mothers house. As far as my mothers history i know that she was neglected by her parents (which she inflicted on to me later in life). Other than that I don't know much but I've seen my grandfather yell at her as an adult so i suspect there was verbal abuse as well. I know im almost out but its getting worse. I'm getting angrier and angrier every day. I need to get out ASAP. I am sorry to hear that you are getting angrier. I was more interested in hearing how your relationship with your mother got this way. Was she verbally / physically abusive when you were younger? I am just curious as to how things ended up like this between you and your mother. Glad to hear you have a job, and teaching guitar no less. I am a guitarist myself, so I love hearing that others play and are teaching new people to pick up the instrument as well. Not sure how this all ended up in one bubble, but now I can't delete my post. Can anyone tell me how?
ClearConscience Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Although this will not be a popular opinion on this forum. If you were to visit a local church, preferably protestant, you may find some people there that would be willing to help you far beyond any rational expectation. I'm not saying you have to believe in the doctrine. I'm just saying that, pragmatically, there are people who attend churches who willingly seeking for an excuse to help out someone who has experienced the kind of misfortune you have, in a very tangible way. There are people in this world who enjoy helping others that are willing to ask for it, and their payment is the gratification they receive from doing what they believe to be right.I wish you the best.
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