driving...

[CallMeViolet]

I'm learning how to drive.... man... I can't tell if I hate it or not but I feel like I hate it. It makes me so effin anxious... when I do something wrong the person teaching me gets all loud and it makes it even worse. Sometimes they grab the wheel or put on cruise control and it sends a wave of panicy sensations all through me.

I'm not doing badly but I'm shocked I'm not actually. Any suggestions???

[Lars]

Sounds like your teacher is extremely anxious about not being in control, so it rubs off on you in the form of self doubt and a nerve-racking desire to control their hair-trigger feedback.

Either they're being irresponsible for putting an inexperienced driver into situations well beyond their skill level or they're seriously overreacting in response to the inevitable errors of a learner, this increases the likelihood of an accident occurring.

Does your teacher ever compliment you for good driving?

Do they clearly identify your most common errors and proactively guide you toward fixing them? ..or just freak out when something bad happens and expect you to know better next time?

[Xdreamist]

Just one suggestion; Exaggerate your head movements, to show the instructor that you're properly checking the right angles.

The biggest worry I have, sitting on the passenger side with new drivers, is that I'm not convinced they're aware enough of the possible errors of the other drivers on the road (their lack of indication etc.)

If you can set the instructor's mind at ease with your obvious awareness, he's less likely to be anxious, which as Lars said - Will rub off on you.

[Triumph]

The big problem new drivers have is information overload.  What's to the left of me, what's to the right of me, behind, in front, am I too close, what switch does what, omg, did I miss the sign for the road I need to turn onto, and then dealing with a person yelling at you.

 

People who have been driving for awhile, who are used to processing all the information, don't remember what that is like.  So to some extend ignore them when they make something complex sound simple.

 

So...the first and most important trick for when you are feeling information overload, is to concentrate on what is in front of you and what is behind you.  Keep it as simple as accelerator, brake, and steering to stay in your lane.  Just ignore everything else, and wait until you need to turn or stop at a signbefore you worry about what is to the side of you.

 

Once you get the hang of staying in your lane and controling your speed, other things will magically get a lot easier.

 

My only other tip is to get comfortable with the car before you even turn it on.  Go through motions of going back and forth from the brake to the gas pedal, using your turn signals, and looking in the mirrors.  Just to make things less awkward when you are driving, and it isn't going to hurt anything while the car is off. 

[Evan Jak]

Are you doing driving lessons at a driving school? Or a friend teaches you? I first had my uncle teaching me how to drive, how was so scared, probably more then me driving. The driving schools here have a control over the car on the passanger seat on his side, and they sometimes control the car (brake, gas, clutch, wheel) and sometimes you don't even notice they do it, you are thinking you are great, they kinda build your confidence, then after couple of lessons they don't touch anything.

[PGP]

That's great you're learning to drive. The teacher is paramount. Also, just the sensation of being in control of a vehicle is really important to ease into. So, if you can, a rural area or deserted car-park just driving for practice and gaining confidence might be a good thing to do. The other info given here is all good. 

[surfingthoughts]

I learnt to drive earlier this year before I started therapy, I suffered terribly with anxiety (its still something I am working on but I have made significant progress) Lets see if there are any similarities between what I felt and what you are feeling. Ok so you have explained how your instructor behaves which doesn't sound ideal but how do you behave? After you have made one mistake do you find the whole lesson going down hill (as in you make allot more mistakes). After a driving lesson do you find yourself going over mistakes in your head multiple times, if so is this helpful or are you punishing yourself? Think how this could be related to your childhood if it is the case.

 

Things that helped me:
One thing that helped me relax (and drive/learn to drive better) was my instructor talking to me, about anything really, I like to surf so he would ask me questions about that, tell me what he been up to today, that sort of thing. This sounds like it would be more information overload but it was quite the opposite allot of the driving process is almost subconscious like the little steering adjustments you make when keeping the car going straight your not consciously thinking for each of those (tha'ts not to say your not concentrating).

 

Another thing that helped me was being honest with my instructor if something was worrying me/making me feel anxious I would tell him. If your instructor is making you feel jump by doing certain things just tell him/her and reason it out together. If a certain aspect of driving worries you or you worry about stalling or crashing tell your instructor, it will help him/her be sensitive to your worries.

 

I started with 2 hour lessons but later the instructor decided to move me to 1 hour lessons as my concentration would dip and I would start making mistakes and beating myself up about it. Not all instructors care that much and are willing to suggest changes that don't benefit them so if you think it will help you, you might have to push for it.
 

Lastly remind yourself why you are learning to drive, your doing this for you, turn it into a positive thing  don't dread each lesson. The best of luck.

[Kevin Beal]

I had a lot of anxiety at the beginning, but that went away in a short amount of time, similar to learning to ride a bike.

 

Something that is motivating to me is wanting to prove people wrong. So if the instructor is anxious that I'm going to mess something up, I want to drive so goddam well to spite him.

[aFireInside]

It takes repetition, eventually it becomes like breathing. 

I use to concentrate so much when i was learning to drive, and the people that thought me where ass holes. 

 

But now i don't even think about it.

 

Remember that everything takes practice and repetition. 

[Blackfish64]

Driving rules.  It all started before I can even remember, driving my toy cars, then I got a trike, then I got a bike, then I got a bigger, faster bike, and I've been driving motor vehicles since I was eleven.  Dad couldn't drive himself home from the bars sometimes.  He was too drunk.  So, he showed me how to do it and I took over when he was too hammered.  It was quite a thrill.  I could barely reach the pedals and see over the dashboard.  But I made it without a scratch every time.  Good thing the truck was an automatic transmission.  

 

I never had any problems driving anything with wheels until the day I got in the car with the driving instructor on my sixteenth birthday.  That wretch made me a nervous wreck.  I feel sorry for you.  You're in a tough spot. 

 

I got my license, and I never wanted to see her again.  I was just glad the nightmare was over.

 

All my best to you.  Buona fortuna!    

[Spleanicus]

I too am learning to drive. I had to switch instructors/schools because the previous guy wasn't very helpful. This new guy is very in-depth and informative. Maybe a different instructor will help? Someone who's better a dealing with anxious learners.

 I get a little bit nervous, too, and sometimes get a bit tunnel-visioned. Not literally in the sense that I don't look out but I might tend to slow down when I do or forget which gear I'm in (learning stick).

[Josh F]

I was "taught" by my parents, maybe we went out a handful of times, they were extremely anxious and insulting and then just let me out into the world.  My first few years as a driver were a disaster!  I crashed my car parking, driving, etc, several times.  I total'd my car twice.  There is a sincere danger to bad education when it comes to driving.

 

It wasn't until I was around 18 that the frequency of mistakes became so overwhelming that I finally had to really teach myself to drive.  Though a young girl did whack my car a couple years ago, I've avoided causing any accidents since then.  Firstly, go somewhere where there is no hazard, like an empty parking lot, and just go wild.  Set up cones if you have them.  Really learn how to control your car, what happens when you take certain turns, etc.  Then you need a philosophy.  For me my driving philosophy includes things like 1. don't hesitate, better to make the wrong choice than no choice 2. be comfortable with missing a turn off and just going back to it, no reason to ever cut across traffic or make sudden hard turns just to get the right street, you can always go back  3.  follow the rules of the road, don't 'wave' people on  4.  Don't trust other drivers, assume they're all suicidal maniacs trying to get you killed and avoid driving side by side with them, or trusting someone else who 'waves' you on.  I was once waved on by a woman while making left from a stop sign on a small street to a larger one, and I couldn't see behind her car.  When I went out into the street, a car in the lane next to hers whacked into me.  5.  Don't go faster than you're comfortable with, and ignore anyone honking at you for going too slow, they can suck a butt  6.  'Measure twice, cut once' applies to making turns at an intersection as well as it does in carpentry

[MrCapitalism]

Would you mind giving us some examples of what's happening when the instructor has to take the wheel, use the brakes, or gets vocal?

[CallMeViolet]

 Well you're all about to say "OHHH" lol; my brother is actually teaching me. After thinking about it I think that itself is adding to the anxiety. However I tried again today and did much better this time. I don't like semi trucks at all... 

[Blackfish64]

One of the things I did to help my daughter learn how to drive was take her out into a vacant lot and just let her rip.  She slammed on the brakes, stomped on the accelerator, did burn-outs, made sharp turns of a sudden, etc., pretty much whatever she wanted, short of damaging my car, of course.  It helped her to get the feel and control of the vehicle.  She found the exercise exhilarating and liberating.  

 

That's really what it's all about.  A car is a machine.  She is in control of it.  It is not in control of her.  It takes a while to get that control.   It's not a horse that will buck you off if it doesn't like you.  A horse will watch where it is going even if you will not. A car won't do that-yet.  If you head for a tree, the car will be more than happy to oblige your ramming into a tree.  It just doesn't care.  You have to watch where you are going at all times.  A car won't fight back.  It does only what you tell it to do, provided it's functioning properly. 

 

Cars that drive themselves are here, though not out on the roads yet.  We still have to learn how to drive.     

[lifegoesonbrah]

Maybe I could offer some general advice about anxiety. Exercise at the beginning of the day always helps me have a calmer day, it helps release tensions. Also when you are feeling anxious, try some common exercises like taking deep breaths, relaxing your body, and pulling over if things get too overwhelming. Semi's scared me at first too, especially the big tanker trucks. Good luck, I'm sure you will do great!

[Deil]

I've gotten so used to the majority of drivers on the road being aggressive, so I've become numb to it.

 

If I'm in a town and I need to turn left a mile or so ahead at a busy intersection, then I don't mind being in the left lane while going 5 over and still having people tail gating and going insane. I'm in a town, so left as a passing lane doesn't really register as there are so many roads to go down on left and right.

 

Most of the time I'm driving I'll chill in the right lane going the speed limit or 5 over, whatever the traffic permits. The key to reduce my anxiety is knowing that there will always be people that utterly hate everyone else on the road, so there is absolutely no controling me in that regard.

 

I hope this helps you somehow, but I know it might not help with an anxious backseat(frontseat) driver.

[MagnumPI]

Keep in mind time is the one resource you can't make more of when you're on a monopolized road system. Learn the philosophy of driving empathetically at epautos.com.

[A__]

when I do something wrong the person teaching me gets all loud and it makes it even worse.

 

 

Having a relative or friend as a driving teacher really puts a relationship to a test. I don't like this "gets all loud about it and makes it worse" part as it indicates an underlying problem. After your lessons, do you talk about them? In the best case scenario, both of you could learn from these experiences and even bond closer over them.

 

Can a nervous/abusive person teach one how to drive? Of course. It's so much harder though. Ultimately, unless you have a trusting, respectful relationship with the person teaching you, investing in a professional teacher is probably the wisest choice. If you can't afford a teacher, I suggest the above. It's really hard though, I know. I wish you the best!