Abuse as Phasic.

[Three]

Abuse can only be viewed in its entirety when it is regarded as something that occurs in a series of stages, much in the same way we view Hurricanes as storms which evolve through a life cycle of stages.

For example, before a hurricane entirely obliterates an area it begins as a "Tropical Disturbance", which consists of a mass of thunderstorms.

While these thunderstorms might cause significant damage, they eventually group together to form what is known as a "Tropical Depression", wherein winds intensify slightly.

Then a TROPICAL STORM forms when the maximum sustained winds have intensified to almost double the rates and begins to form its circular shape. Even heavier rainfall follows as well.

It is shortly after the TROPICAL STORM that the incredibly violent circular shape we know as a HURRICANE, with full rotation around the eye, is formed.  While this monster sweeps over an area, there will be a moment of  relative tranquility.

Do not be fooled, while the eye is a region of mostly calm weather,  it is being circled by by rough storms. The Hurricane is by no means over.

 

Now lets look at the example of Verbal abuse.

An abuser initiates this sequence with an insult.

The first phase is to hurt you.

"You're fucking boring!!", he might exclaim.

You're reaction might look like speechless shock or you might push forward by asserting that you feel insulted and that what was said was mean and uncalled for.
 

Since that worked, the abuser will then move on to STAGE 2 with what's known as minimization and invalidation. This might look like the following

"It's nothing personal!"

"It was just a joke!"

The combination of these two techniques is what's known as gaslighting.

Gaslighting is form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.

The purpose of this stage is to create confusion and self doubt, to get your attention away from the hurt in your heart and into your head where you will most likely try to make sense of what was just said.


“What does he mean, a joke? What? How am I not suppose to take this personal?”, you might ask yourself.


Now that you're confused you are susceptible to phase three. It takes many forms, but essentially This phase is designed to reeducate you, to brainwash you.


In this case it will take the form of an apology. It is at this point that he hopes to lure you back in.


"I'm sorry, are you bothered by this?", he might ask.


This is much like the eye of the hurricane. In addition to apologizing, he is likely to be very nice and all of a sudden seem very “concerned”.


Do not be fooled! This is just continuing the abuse. It’s not over yet.


 
Anger is like your immune system which serves to push back abusive people, much in the same way white antibodies fight off illness. The apology is to disarm your anger, to lower your defenses and thus allow him back in.



 

When you say, "oh, I guess it wasn't a big deal, I'll stay around him", he has you under his control. His rules have become internalized. Don't let it happen. You're worth more than that.







Notes: Even physical abuse like "spanking" is followed by phases such as the "This is for your own good." rationalization.

Also, invalidation is not to be taken lightly. Sometimes the little things are actually big things. 
For more info on invalidation check out this page

http://eqi.org/invalid.htm

[luxfelix]

 

Anger is like your immune system which serves to push back abusive people, much in the same way white antibodies fight off illness. The apology is to disarm your anger, to lower your defenses and thus allow him back in.

 

This portion stuck out to me most.

 

Anger (and emotions in general) seems to be portrayed as a nuisance to be anesthetized with the aid of contemporary pharmacology or misdirected with sophistry in ways that best serve the sovereigns in the shadows.

 

Thank you for posting. 

[Bipedal Primate]

Well said.

"The apology is to disarm your anger, to lower your defenses and thus allow him back in."

 

Yep, this is the part that takes people a long time to recognize. Once a person understands "forgiveness is not charity"-stef, they can accept and feel the anger without any guilt.

[Three]

This portion stuck out to me most.

 

Anger (and emotions in general) seems to be portrayed as a nuisance to be anesthetized with the aid of contemporary pharmacology or misdirected with sophistry in ways that best serve the sovereigns in the shadows.

 

Thank you for posting. 

Thank you again for taking the time to read and respond. I'm glad you were able to find some value in it.

 

Anger is only a nuisance to the rulers!

 

 

 

Well said.

"The apology is to disarm your anger, to lower your defenses and thus allow him back in."

 

Yep, this is the part that takes people a long time to recognize. Once a person understands "forgiveness is not charity"-stef, they can accept and feel the anger without any guilt.

 

Thank you, Sacha.

 

Yeah, it definitely took me a long time to recognize that as well!

[PGP]

Cool post! 

It's only since listening to FDR that I started to see these things. I can look back and see now that it is only really the people that knew me the best that could deliver these abuses in this manner. It seems that they were almost always exquisitely timed for max impact.

In cases of new people and people in general life, the showing of vulnerability tells alot now. It is interesting to see how different people react and how some will seek to gain trust just to deliver their own little stab at hierarchical assault. It is an extremely valuable skill to have in sorting individuals and in judgement. I can say : " ah, the abuse hierarchy is strong in this one"!!!

[Three]

Cool post! 

It's only since listening to FDR that I started to see these things. I can look back and see now that it is only really the people that knew me the best that could deliver these abuses in this manner. It seems that they were almost always exquisitely timed for max impact.

In cases of new people and people in general life, the showing of vulnerability tells alot now. It is interesting to see how different people react and how some will seek to gain trust just to deliver their own little stab at hierarchical assault. It is an extremely valuable skill to have in sorting individuals and in judgement. I can say : " ah, the abuse hierarchy is strong in this one"!!!

Thank you for the compliment and for taking the time to read. 

 

I think you're on to something there. The longer somebody is around you and the closer you are to the person then naturally, the more information a person has about you. Bad people, like politicians "sniff" you out to exploit whatever information they have about you to serve their own selfish needs. 

 

 

And I agree, it's certainly important to know how to spot these people. It is the people who have come out of abusive households, who have had their internal alarm system highjacked, who are not in touch with their feelings as a result of trauma that I hope to help by pointing out these patterns. As well as clearing things up for myself. It is really confusing.