MMX2010 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 During a necessary (but horribly annoying) argument between my father and I, my niece told him (without being provoked to do so), "I used to find him really annoying, but in the past year or so we've talked a lot, and now I look up to him." "The past year or so" corresponds perfectly to my time listening to FDR. And since FDR's main focus is children - and adult responsibilities to children - I take her compliment as heavy praise for both FDR and the lessons I've learned from it. I'm not exactly happy right now - because that argument with my father was horrible. But I hope in a couple of days to fully absorb what my niece told me, and be happy. To those of you with children, especially if you've started listening to FDR only recently, may FDR provide you with both the ammunition and training program necessary to win this desperate fight for both your lives, and your children's lives. 6
TheFifthApe Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I'm curious, how do you feel now looking back at your original post?
MMX2010 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 I'm curious, how do you feel now looking back at your original post? I saw your question about two weeks ago, but wanted to reflect on it before I responded. The number one thing I got from the conversation was that I finally "broke" my father. I don't mean that he was not-broken before the conversation, and became broken as a result of it. I mean that he has been broken for a very long time but has been in denial about his brokenness, and that our conversation made him unable to deny his brokenness. The highly-condensed version of hour discussion went like this: *after thirty minutes of dodging, and constantly inserting stupid political commentary into his every response* Me: Why are you even talking to me? Him: Because you're my son. Me: That doesn't mean anything... *twenty more minutes of dodging, stupid political commentary, and insults/accusations towards me* Him: I no longer want to talk to you; you've won. ---------------------- FDR is the primary tool I used to trap him in his contradictions, and to assert that I would no longer allow him to ignore/downplay my emotions. But the "victory" he referred to reminded me of a Bible story, from Revelations - which goes, something like, "When God's children are up in Heaven, God will take them to Satan's corpse. And the believers will look at each other, and ask in highly shocked tones, 'This? THIS!? This is the Satan that caused so much havoc on earth!?'" "Breaking" my father made me realize how small he is, how small he's always been, and it made me angry to lose so much of my self-confidence and personal drive due to his smallness. It also did absolutely nothing to help me re-acquire what I've lost, because I can only re-acquire those things through my own effort, independent from his praise or condemnation. ------------------ I am happy that I also used FDR to confront my sister (my niece's mother) over how she was yelling at my niece. That happened about eight months ago, and my niece texted me, "I don't know what you said to mommy, but she's been a whole lot nicer lately. Thank you." To date, that is the single-best thing I've ever accomplished with FDR/philosophy. I also respect my niece a lot more than both of my parents, her mother, and my brother. Only my brother is respect-worthy, but we live about an hour apart and I haven't put much effort into introducing FDR/philosophy to him. (But I know he'll 100% consider the ideas, rather than just dismissing them outright. I am just unsure whether he'll accept any of them.) ----------------- So, overall I feel a sense of dull "goodness". There are no major victories in "breaking" your abusive parent. To see him stop pretending we have a loving, respectful relationship was only comparatively better than continuing to pretend. But this outcome is still far worse than if he would've been a much better father. Nor is there a "boost of creative energy" that comes from "finally winning, by asserting the truth of what happened, and what is". Whatever "creative energy" you get has to come from outside what happened between your abuser and you. Hope that helped.
OGMizen Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I am happy that I also used FDR to confront my sister (my niece's mother) over how she was yelling at my niece. That happened about eight months ago, and my niece texted me, "I don't know what you said to mommy, but she's been a whole lot nicer lately. Thank you." To date, that is the single-best thing I've ever accomplished with FDR/philosophy. Hero!! Great post
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