kahvi Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 What do you all think about this video? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVDNNoEk4PI What do you think would be a good way to handle a situation like this? I guess keeping the paint out of reach in the first place would have been a good start, and maybe discussing beforehand that everything in that cabinet is off-limits and why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tibor Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 It's disorienting to repeatedly laugh, then immediately declare that "it's not funny." It's obviously funny. Kids get into things and make messes. It's okay to laugh at the ridiculousness of the outcome. It's ridiculous because adults wouldn't smear paint all over themselves for fun, acting like it's normal. That's funny! Explain the dangers of consuming paint, the potential damage to home and property that can occur from being messy with paint, then get some finger paints or equivalent that the children can go nuts with safely out in the yard. "You're going to bed with no juice tonight, you understand that?" No, they don't understand why they're being punished. They know that daddy is mad... or is he? He keeps laughing, then telling us we're in trouble. Better try and go along with him, but we're confused. The father says they're being punished because " am not very happy right now." That's a hell of a reason to punish someone. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagnumPI Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 I don't see what the problem is. I see no 'situation' at all. Kids had fun, the horror! Whatev, obviously they need a bath, but I'd just ask why I wasn't invited? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kahvi Posted November 20, 2014 Author Share Posted November 20, 2014 I don't see what the problem is. I see no 'situation' at all. Kids had fun, the horror! Whatev, obviously they need a bath, but I'd just ask why I wasn't invited? I guess the only issue would be that they had apparently made a mess in some area of the house, but I'm not sure where. It could have been in their front room, all over their couches and whatnot. Other than that, I would see no issue either. But, I'm with you both. It is funny as hell and giving them finger paints would have been a good way to mitigate the problem. The father was definitely confusing them, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magenta Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 "Can't you see that the paint on the walls is more important than the joy in your heart?" Stand-up comedy bit about kid being messy with spaghetti. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVfAZTFxa0Y#t=103 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spenc Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 i find it really troubling that the father would take out his phone or camera or whatever to film the kids as he interrogates them. Maybe it isn't such a big deal with kids who grow up with the devices around all the time, but I can't help but initially think it's not helping. I also find his tone of voice, particularly early in the video, to be really excessive. Like, he's trying to ask questions and maybe have a conversation with his kids about what happened, but his tone of voice is not conducive to open dialogue at all. Between these two things, it doesn't surprise me that the kids just nod and shake their heads in response instead of speaking up. And childproof your cabinets, man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsayers Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 maybe discussing beforehand that everything in that cabinet is off-limits and why. Preparation is very important. However, I would caution against this particular approach. Saying a cabinet is off limits is inflicting a conclusion upon the child. This will not model egalitarian interaction, provide a nurturing environment, nor lead to win-win negotiation. The thing parents need to keep in mind is they literally create their children's entire world. If they did have such a cabinet, they could put a lock on it. Telling them it's off limits is saying that not having access to whatever is in the cabinet is more the child's responsibility than it is the parent's. The man who made this video made that same mistake. He's in control, not them. For him to blame them is not only a missed opportunity for him to gain self-knowledge and up his parenting skills, but it also traumatizes the child (however mildly) by inflicting a conclusion upon them that doesn't accurately describe the real world. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
growler76 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Those kids were hilarious and cute as hell. Today, a co-worker showed me a video on her phone of her niece that her sister had sent her. Her niece was late getting ready to go to school and came out from her room dressed all in pink and had painted her face all pink (sort of just splattered). When asked why she was dressed that way she said "I wanted to look like a cheetah!". It didn't make any sense whatsoever but she was happy as hell. I don't know what happened after that but I mentioned to my coworker that if I had a kid and that happened, I think I'd be half-inclined to just take her to school that way (well, that's if I was hypothetically actually sending her to school). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Mister Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 It's interesting, and sad, that he feels the need to deny his "inner-child" and his genuine experience of laughter to them. He has some idea of what it means to be a good Dad - stern and firm - regardless of his feelings. I remember seeing a comment on an article about spanking where a father said he feels horrible when spanking but "knows" that he has to do it. This is teaching a subtle but dangerous lesson to these kids - Erase yourself and put on a mask to fulfill some duty or obligation. Another thought I had, is that rather than a punishment, have the kids help you clean up. Even if they can't do that much to help, but just see the time and effort it takes Dad to clean up, may give them a sense of the consequences of their actions, without imposing a penalty. I remember all through my childhood being screamed at for making a mess, and even offering to clean up, but being denied, because my Mom thought she could do it better (and maybe liked playing the victimized housewife). As a result I became a very sloppy young adult which I've had to unlearn. What do y'all think about this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. D. Stembal Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 It's pretty obvious that this stern bathroom talk is a farce. The father's heart is not in it, hence the laughter. His wife put him up to it. Men are the proxy enforcers in the home (and the rest of the world) for women. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kahvi Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 "Can't you see that the paint on the walls is more important than the joy in your heart?" Stand-up comedy bit about kid being messy with spaghetti. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVfAZTFxa0Y#t=103 I love Brian Regan! I also like all the answers I've received and have incorporated them into my response. Here is how I responded to the post: I personally don't think it was handled well. I'm glad he didn't resort to spanking, but time-outs are just as troubling (another discussion for another time). First, he confused them with his mix of stern lecturing and laughing. Which is it? Are you amused or are you angry? Then, he decides to punish them for something that was his own fault. He could have prevented this from happening. Why wasn't he there watching them, or at the very least, keeping the paints out of their reach? Additionally, he missed an opportunity to help them learn to rectify their (his) mistake. I would have chalked it up to,"Oops. I made the mistake of leaving the paint cans out. Alright boys. You made a mess. Come help mommy clean it up." Then I would make certain I put the paint cans away. What do you think? I'm always interested in learning to make better arguments. Thanks for being such a great and supportive community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spenc Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Looks like the video was pulled down. To be honest, your response makes a lot of sense to me, but I can see it totally going over the head of most people. Compared to the wy many people view kids, it's like you're speaking another language. Good kids sit still and don't get into things without permission. Good kids don't runa round and make excessive noise. Good kids "know better" when they are doing things that are bad. Yada yada yada....Do you agree with me that a lot of people just have a view of children that they are better seen and not heard, to sum it up coloquially? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snafui Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Being raised by a professional comedian (stepfather) I can tell you that my experience was brutal. While being "lectured" for whatever slight you couldn't help but laugh. My mother just recently admitted that she was biting her knuckle to keep from laughing during these sessions. And I would get yelled at some more for laughing because "this is serious!" To top it off there was no salvation were I to actually speak in any manner. I had to wait until he was done. It was cruel. A little perspective: I was a top student, great athlete, known for preaching (as in Christian, Bible, etc.), drove responsibly, made sure I got more than 8 hours of sleep a night, had my own business, also biked five miles to another job, repaired my own car I later owned, pretty much "the dream kid to raise," my mother said, but this man would yell at me every chance he could over stuff that was just petty. For the video: yeah, stop the crap--this is just funny. Calmly explain why it wasn't a good idea and give them a bath. It's called being a kid. Oh, and go to a costume shop and buy them stuff to do it right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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