Daniel Unplugged Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 This is all too common. A child, being a child, finds a way to knock a glass of water off the table. It shatters upon hitting the ground. He looks up at his mother, pauses for a second, then breaks out crying. So what just happened? A broken glass is hardly something to get upset about, its only worth a dollar. Nor is broken glass something to be afraid, just sweep up the big bits and vacuum up the rest. So why is the child acting as if he has just experienced a great trauma? The reality of the situation is unsettling. The child has been conditioned to associate a broken glass, or for that matter, any physical contact with a glass, with great trauma. No, not because he has previously cut himself on a piece of sharp glass, if only the world was so kind. The cries of a child have evolved for one purpose alone; to alert the child's mother that the child is in distress, so that the mother will come quickly to render aid....so sad.
Starsky Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 My first suspicion was that the child is anticipating a punishment or rather an attack for breaking a glass. That's what happened to me growing up. 2
MysterionMuffles Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Or the kid was just startled by the loud noise and the unexpected experience of seeing something break due to their actions...
Peaceful Parent Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 So why is the child acting as if he has just experienced a great trauma? The reality of the situation is unsettling. The child has been conditioned to associate a broken glass, or for that matter, any physical contact with a glass, with great trauma. Conditioned to associate any physical contact with a glass with great trauma? How so?
shirgall Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Is the child reacting to the look of shock (or worse) from the parent?
Daniel Unplugged Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 Conditioned to associate any physical contact with a glass with great trauma? How so? So yeah, the kid got hit everytime he tried to pickup a glass...he cried because he realised he was busted. He knows what comes next.
Daniel Unplugged Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 He was never afraid of glass, or broken glass. He was afraid of his mother (or father). He has been denied the right to learn the correct lesson, that broken glass can cut you, so handle glass with care. I will not stop my (future) children from picking up a glass. I will allow them to learn their lesson (that doesn't mean I will leave a kitchen knife, or a gun (or anything that is significantly dangerous) within their reach. Some lessons they need to learn through my guidance, through reason. Learning through bitter experience only works for things that are non-lethal/do not cause serious injury. Does anyone think that allowing a child to learn that glass is dangerous in this way is bad parenting/cruel? I want to make sure I get this one right?
J-William Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Yep... my daughter breaks things and says "oops sorry about that" and goes to try and clean it up... but then I don't recall the last time that happened since we converted to mostly plastic dishes...
Daniel Unplugged Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Good stuff. That's how it should work. It's so simple and non-violent. We will keep spreading the message
Peaceful Parent Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 So yeah, the kid got hit everytime he tried to pickup a glass...he cried because he realised he was busted. He knows what comes next. Oh ok. I didn't notice the inclusion of hitting in the OP. Obviously being fearful is one of many horrible results from being abused.
Starsky Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 As a child I never had the impression that my mother was trying to protect me from cutting myself on a piece of broken glass. That wasn't the issue. The issue was more around me creating extra work for her, having to buy new glasses, mopping up sticky lemonade, cleaning a carpet etc. If I'd additionally cut myself then that would have been even more of a hassle for her and she'd have said that it served me right for not being careful. I knocked over a cup at a friend's house and I was quite surprised that her mum actually asked me if I hurt myself before she calmly cleaned up. Unimaginable in my home! Stuff was always more important than children. I still witness this today. Most kids flinch when breaking stuff around my home and actually ask me if I'm angry with them. Of course I'm not and I think it's important to show them the other option of reacting in a non-violent and compassionate way. That's how they hopefully treat their future kids.
J. D. Stembal Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 He was never afraid of glass, or broken glass. He was afraid of his mother (or father). He has been denied the right to learn the correct lesson, that broken glass can cut you, so handle glass with care. I will not stop my (future) children from picking up a glass. I will allow them to learn their lesson (that doesn't mean I will leave a kitchen knife, or a gun (or anything that is significantly dangerous) within their reach. Some lessons they need to learn through my guidance, through reason. Learning through bitter experience only works for things that are non-lethal/do not cause serious injury. Does anyone think that allowing a child to learn that glass is dangerous in this way is bad parenting/cruel? I want to make sure I get this one right? When I was visiting my family last year, I let my little sister wash a paring knife in sink because she asked me if she could do it. She was careful and didn't cut herself. She was aware that they are sharp. I advised her to always hold the point and blade away from her. She was five, and she understood the safety concept perfectly. Apparently, my dad doesn't let her and my brother handle knives, but it's acceptable that they go to weekly Tae Kwon Do lessons where the teacher acts like a drill instructor, and he also allows them be brainwashed in public school. The greatest dangers end up obscured, while the little dangers are burned into our brain. Go figure.
ParaSait Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Parents seem to claim that children get shocked and upset when a glass breaks. I'm inclined to say that that may be projection. It's the parents who get shocked and upset, whereafter they resort to shouting or even beating their kid. The reason why the child cries is not because he gets upset over it, it's because he gets scared at his parents getting upset over it. At least that's been my experience. (for the time being, I live together with my dad, his wife and my two young stepsisters -- it hurts sometimes)
Pepin Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Like a few other posters said, I do not think that it can be generalized to abuse. I do think it may be the case in many instances though. When I was young, I broke a glass saying "#1 dad" on it belonging to a close family friend. I knew that he did not have livinv children, but he had a child who died, and I felt so bad and cried because I thought I broke something which may of had a lot of emotional value to him. It had nothing to do with the fear of being hit, but rather just the sadness that I permanently destroyed something which he may of valued so much. Of course it was not a big deal and I overthought it all, the magnitude was likely overblown due to certain factors, but I do not think the sadness was not justified. Though we can think as adults "it is just a glass, what is the big deal", a child likely does not have the same frame of refrence. They might thinking breaking your glass is like you breaking one of your toys. There is also the scare factor of a glass breaking, which the child can represses initially, but will release when comforted by a parent. Again, I think abuse may be a factor, but another factor is teaching the child about these circumstances beforehand. A child who has never broken anything in this manner is likely experiencing a lot of emotions and is unsure of what to do and how their parents will react.
kahvi Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 He was never afraid of glass, or broken glass. He was afraid of his mother (or father). He has been denied the right to learn the correct lesson, that broken glass can cut you, so handle glass with care. I will not stop my (future) children from picking up a glass. I will allow them to learn their lesson (that doesn't mean I will leave a kitchen knife, or a gun (or anything that is significantly dangerous) within their reach. Some lessons they need to learn through my guidance, through reason. Learning through bitter experience only works for things that are non-lethal/do not cause serious injury. Does anyone think that allowing a child to learn that glass is dangerous in this way is bad parenting/cruel? I want to make sure I get this one right? I don't think a child necessarily needs to experience something first-hand in order to learn a lesson. Sometimes, just explaining possible outcomes is sufficient. On the other hand, I don't think it's necessarily bad parenting to let them handle glass, provided you tell them up front that it may cut them. I think it also depends on the child's age. If my 2 year-old were to come across some broken glass, I would probably clean it up before she had the chance to pick it up. Maybe when she is 3, I would matter-of-factly explain what could happen, but allow her to pick it up.
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