Martial Arts training as a means of Self Knowledge.

[Zelenn]

I realize aggressive activities don't get much love around here, but I train in a Martial Art called Aikido and I have found Aikido wonderfully instructive as a means of aqcuiring knowledge of my emotions and working through my emotions regarding childhood bullying and abuse.

 

Are there any other martial artists here? And do you find the study useful to you or anger producing?

[MMX2010]

I am not.  But I was so impressed with the Gracie Breakdown of the Eric Garner video that I'm planning to enroll in BJJ.  Will also probably take up boxing, as well. 

[shirgall]

i did martial arts training as a way for mindfully control my anger (yeah, I drank the kool-aid). I started with Kempo and did eventually find Aikido as well. Then I discovered there are about lot of different schools of Aikido. Some are more spiritual but work on mindfulness. Some are about the forms. Some are more about falling down safely. Unfortunately I moved somewhere where practice wasn't easy and I let it all lapse.

 

I moved over to the "gun fu" side of the house about two decades ago and have kinda stuck there. I got a big dose of philosophical, and legal, thinking when I focused on teaching others about self defense.

 

To be fair, I learned a great deal more about anger from Stef and subsequent journeys into self-knowledge.

 

Martial arts never increased my anger. It did make me respect it more. It also made it easier to spot it in others.

[dsayers]

I have found Aikido wonderfully instructive as a means of aqcuiring knowledge of my emotions and working through my emotions regarding childhood bullying and abuse.

 

Bullying and abuse by whom if that's not a rude question?

[Zelenn]

Bullying and abuse by whom if that's not a rude question?

Its not rude.

 

MOSTLY, typical kids in school. What was not typical about the experience was the degree of violence involved. Knife fights. Fighting multiple kids at once... in a construction site armed only with a 2x4. Drowned in a sewer. Etc etc. And I wasn't even 12 years old yet after these experiences I've mentioned.

 

On a significantly lesser note; parents spanked me and not very often at all, baby sitters beat me and my sister with switches. Ya know... Typical childhood.

 

I never thought a martial art would be where I would feel calm. I tried MANY martial arts before Aikido and all of the others made me feel very uncomfortable. They were so violent and placed a premium on being aggressive and dominating. Of course, placing myself in a fighting situation like BJJ or when I dabbled in boxing, brought out a lot of anger and some of my very not nice qualities.

 

Aikido doesn't do that. Aikido is an overtly philosophical martial art. I don't agree with most of Aikido philosophy (its derived heavily from Shinto religion and Zen confusions), but Aikido does have at its core, what is basically the Non Aggression Principle.

 

This makes Aikido incredibly unique as fighting systems go.

[Dylan Lawrence Moore]

I'm a Nidan in Aikido from a very interesting school. I don't like to brag about it, but I can't shake the knowledge of my experience that I've never seen another Aikido school that was even remotely as good as where I trained. I have to mention this because most Aikido I've seen outside of my school and delineations of it have absolutely sucked. The core principles I learned at this school (drilled into me the first day I was on the mat) are almost completely void in any other dojo I've trained at, exceptions sometimes being made for the teacher and possibly his senior student.

 

Our school is so radically different that I (and I'm sure most of the other students there) have at one point scratched our heads and said, "Are we really the only ones doing this right? Or are we just doing something else and Aikido is an entirely different art from what we're doing?" When I read the core principles laid out by O'Sensei (the guy who founded it), I think we follow them quite closely. This only adds to my confusion.

 

I stated that because I want to be clear that when I say Aikido, I mean something a bit different from what you're going to find at your nearest Aikido dojo.

 

Training in Aikido is what threw me full-blown into journey of self-knowledge. It shattered my personality onto the concrete and built me up again. It made me discover my awareness, my presence, my importance, and ultimately my voice (although this had more to do with the Shinto rituals associated with the Aikido than the training itself). I understand those terms are vague, but I don't think I can properly communicate what I want to by just saying, "I learned to stand up straight and look people in the eye." With it I was able to train the will to do things which terrified me. I also learned how much more control I have over my own body (especially in terms of sympathetic and parasympathetic systems) than most people believe is possible.

 

That is to say, it was probably the most important event that ever happened in my life.

 

However, as a tool of self-knowledge, it is very dangerous. It does not provide a moral roadmap, as much as the "spiritual teachings" seem to imply. The ideology that comes with Aikido (and virtually any martial art) is entrenched in hierarchical bullshit, which is particularly nasty as it's of Japanese variety. The hierarchical command structure is in direct contrast to its own teachings, many of which derive from an off-shoot of Shinto called Omoto-kyo, which preaches a universal "everyone's right so don't judge anyone" attitude. In fact, it can be easily argued that Aikido is simply a Shinto exercise (I believe this is the case), and Shinto openly proclaims not to be there to deal with moral matters.

 

Aikido is a great engine for self-knowledge, which is to say it can create great power to apply to self-knowledge, but it does not make a good driver. The simple fact of the matter is that past trauma takes residence physically in your body, generally in the form of tension. You cannot do Aikido with any sort of level of effectiveness while being tense, and the training works to release these tensions. This in turn forces your mind to deal with the drama associated with that tension. However, you never learn WHY that tension was there. You just simply "get over it" and it bugs you less in the future. Real self-knowledge requires philosophy, which Aikido is not.

 

May you have good training.

[autowagon]

Grew up in tae kwon do and recited: self control, courtesy, integrity, perserverance, indominable spirit after each class. 

[dsayers]

MOSTLY, typical kids in school. What was not typical about the experience was the degree of violence involved. Knife fights. Fighting multiple kids at once... in a construction site armed only with a 2x4. Drowned in a sewer. Etc etc. And I wasn't even 12 years old yet after these experiences I've mentioned.

 

On a significantly lesser note; parents spanked me and not very often at all, baby sitters beat me and my sister with switches. Ya know... Typical childhood.

 

In light of the things you said here, I reject your earlier claim that you "have found Aikido wonderfully instructive as a means of aqcuiring knowledge of my emotions and working through my emotions regarding childhood bullying and abuse."

 

First of all, that's not a typical childhood at all. Even if it were, to call it typical rather than being upset about it isn't working through your emotions at all.

 

Secondly, why are parents spanking you significantly lesser? That's the origin! Baby sitters couldn't beat you if your parents hadn't primed you for abuse. Or if those same parents hadn't exposed you to people that would beat you. Parents that abused your sister into thinking that assaulting you was okay. Parents that didn't notice that your own sibling was assaulting you (or didn't care). Parents that didn't protect you from knife fights at 12 years old!?

 

I took Tae Kwon Do for a while and I've engaged in physical exercise. Hell, I've even gotten tattoos. I understand that endorphines feel good. I think you're deceiving yourself if you tell yourself that this good feeling is working through the emotions regarding your bullying and abuse.

[Mister Mister]

Its not rude.

 

MOSTLY, typical kids in school. What was not typical about the experience was the degree of violence involved. Knife fights. Fighting multiple kids at once... in a construction site armed only with a 2x4. Drowned in a sewer. Etc etc. And I wasn't even 12 years old yet after these experiences I've mentioned.

 

On a significantly lesser note; parents spanked me and not very often at all, baby sitters beat me and my sister with switches. Ya know... Typical childhood.

  I don't see why it is "significantly lesser".  Also, why is it relevant that it is typical?  Obviously you are downplaying these experiences, perhaps you ought to confront the reality of what you experienced without framing it in a way that diminishes its importance.

 

 Aikido, as I understand, can really hardly be called a martial art, where martial means having to do with war or combat.  Its founder, Morihei Ueshiba, witnessed the horrors of war as a soldier in WWI, and committed himself to peace.  He used his background in Judo and Jujitsu to develop a Non-Aggressive method of Conflict Resolution.  His short book, "The Art of Peace" is very beautiful and I would recommend it to anyone.  An Aikido class seems to me far more similar to more artsy/hippy-dippy stuff like yoga, tai-chi, and certain kinds of dance, combined with some basic self-defense principles, along with a philosophy of non-violence and conflict resolution.

 

 This kind of body work can be very liberating, I know Stef has talked about this, and I have found it to be the case myself.  Connecting to your own body and physicality, brings you into the present moment, and can be very joyful and emotional.  It may facilitate self-knowledge, if so, that's great.  But it is a complement, not a substitute for the kind of work that is generally referred to as self-knowledge in philosophy and psychology.  Your comment about "lesser-note" and "typical childhood" in reference to being hit as a child, signifies that you still have some work to do in connecting with your experience and your body.  It is my understanding that the pain that you would have experienced from these assaults is STILL there, in your body, your brain, your nerves and your bones.  So while this physical exercise may be important to your growth, I would think it unwise to imagine that you can ignore this pain and instead refer to a physical exercise as self-knowledge.

[J. D. Stembal]

Grew up in tae kwon do and recited: self control, courtesy, integrity, perserverance, indominable spirit after each class. 

 

Not to cast a dispersion on the discipline of TKD in general, but not all instructors are following the fundamentals. They are just words displayed on the wall and as far as I've seen (I've sat in on four or five sessions.) never discuss the concepts with the children in the class. The class my brother and sister go to is run by a couple, but the man is verbally abusive to the children when he's the scheduled instructor. He singles out the least capable children and shames them, often yelling, intimidating, or insulting them. It doesn't surprise me why my father allows them to go to this class. These are the real fundamentals parents want to teach their children.

 

What the heck is an indominable spirit?

 

Why can't martial arts just be about practicing ethical self-defense? It's horrible that instructors feel they need to sprinkle in a hodge-podge of Eastern Asian philosophy in order to sound legitimate. We're talking about some of least philosophic societies on the planet, and these values are used to influence children.

[powder]

Its not rude.

 

MOSTLY, typical kids in school. What was not typical about the experience was the degree of violence involved. Knife fights. Fighting multiple kids at once... in a construction site armed only with a 2x4. Drowned in a sewer. Etc etc. And I wasn't even 12 years old yet after these experiences I've mentioned.

 

On a significantly lesser note; parents spanked me and not very often at all, baby sitters beat me and my sister with switches. Ya know... Typical childhood.

 

I never thought a martial art would be where I would feel calm. I tried MANY martial arts before Aikido and all of the others made me feel very uncomfortable. They were so violent and placed a premium on being aggressive and dominating. Of course, placing myself in a fighting situation like BJJ or when I dabbled in boxing, brought out a lot of anger and some of my very not nice qualities.

 

Aikido doesn't do that. Aikido is an overtly philosophical martial art. I don't agree with most of Aikido philosophy (its derived heavily from Shinto religion and Zen confusions), but Aikido does have at its core, what is basically the Non Aggression Principle.

 

This makes Aikido incredibly unique as fighting systems go.

what is wrong with anger?  Looks to me like you have good reasons to be angry.  Do you generally not feel calm outside of your Aikido practice?  Since the title says contained the words "self knowledge" I thought I would ask.    

 

I too grew up being bullied, and being a bully too sometimes.  I took up martial arts because violence was part of my upbringing and I wanted to be better than other people at it so I could defend myself better - spent years developing my skills.  I stayed away from the more esoteric and 'philosophical' disciplines and the styles like Aikido (tried it briefly) and classes that focused mostly on forms and went straight to the sparring, combat oriented schools.  I even got into full contact for a short time until I found out I didn't mind knocking people over with kick to the head but I didn't care much for getting thumped myself.  

 

I heard a lot of the rhetoric around the focus on self discipline and character building and the like, and the fitness side of it, I even preached it myself from time to time.  I am naturally quite athletic and always have been physically active in sports.  Still, I don't think I would have been drawn to martial arts, esp as a method for achieving self knowledge, if I had not had a traumatic childhood.  

 

That was a long time ago for me and I haven't had an urge to go back to the practice for any reason.  

[Zelenn]

In light of the things you said here, I reject your earlier claim that you "have found Aikido wonderfully instructive as a means of aqcuiring knowledge of my emotions and working through my emotions regarding childhood bullying and abuse."

 

First of all, that's not a typical childhood at all. Even if it were, to call it typical rather than being upset about it isn't working through your emotions at all.

 

Secondly, why are parents spanking you significantly lesser? That's the origin! Baby sitters couldn't beat you if your parents hadn't primed you for abuse. Or if those same parents hadn't exposed you to people that would beat you. Parents that abused your sister into thinking that assaulting you was okay. Parents that didn't notice that your own sibling was assaulting you (or didn't care). Parents that didn't protect you from knife fights at 12 years old!?

 

I took Tae Kwon Do for a while and I've engaged in physical exercise. Hell, I've even gotten tattoos. I understand that endorphines feel good. I think you're deceiving yourself if you tell yourself that this good feeling is working through the emotions regarding your bullying and abuse.

... OK then. I'm going to try really hard to NOT be offended by this. I'm not sure if you are aware of it, but your post has an overtone of, "You don't know what you're experiencing. Let me tell you what you experience." So, I will start by saying, "You don't get to do that."

 

Addressing certain elements of your post...

 

1. I am very well aware that my childhood was not typical. I was being facetious. This misunderstanding is not your fault. Humor is so often lost in online communications. Of course based on this, you go on to tell me that I am not upset about my childhood "at all." Let's be careful about making claims about what others are experiencing.

 

2. The spankings are significantly lesser in magnitude and occurrence. Happened maybe three times in total and both parents would explain why they were doing this. I know that doesn't make it any better, but there is a HUGE difference between spanking your kid because you think you are doing what's right and engaging in conscious, willful evil. My parents are not bad people, they're just "really limited." They allowed "experts" to tell them how to raise their kids. The church said, "spare the rod, spoil the child" so my parents spanked us (which is NOT what that verse means.) The school said, "He needs Ritalin." So, I got a good dose of that too. Again, my parents are not evil, they're weak and easily swayed. Regarding the babysitter abuse, it happened only twice and when my father discovered the markings on my legs, he was the cop that arrested the whole crew in that daycare center. Again, a big difference between an error of evil and an error of knowledge. My parents and I have worked through these things, I did have a period where I was VERY upset about my childhood, but I've largely dealt with it.

 

3. Not sure what the sister comment is about. I only said she was present in that baby sitter abuse, nothing else. My sister never assaulted me, nor did I say that. Not sure what to make of this.

 

4. Knife fights happened outside of school "on the block." I had so much (legitimate) anger as a child, that I caused a lot of my own problems. My mouth got me in serious trouble. This may be cliché, but "My ego was writing checks, my body couldn't cash." :-) I wouldn't tolerate disrespect, even though I was half the size of other kids, and thus it was actually I who threw the first punch. Part of my self knowledge was discovering just how often I was causing my own problems with my WILDLY innapropriate anger responses. So... The knife fights were kind of on me.

 

5. Forgive me for taking offense to your last comment in particular, but a couple of tattoos, a work out or two, and "a while" in TKD are not the same thing as my experiences in Aikido. Aikido is not an endorphine rush.

[Zelenn]

I don't see why it is "significantly lesser".  Also, why is it relevant that it is typical?  Obviously you are downplaying these experiences, perhaps you ought to confront the reality of what you experienced without framing it in a way that diminishes its importance.

 Aikido, as I understand, can really hardly be called a martial art, where martial means having to do with war or combat.  Its founder, Morihei Ueshiba, witnessed the horrors of war as a soldier in WWI, and committed himself to peace.  He used his background in Judo and Jujitsu to develop a Non-Aggressive method of Conflict Resolution.  His short book, "The Art of Peace" is very beautiful and I would recommend it to anyone.  An Aikido class seems to me far more similar to more artsy/hippy-dippy stuff like yoga, tai-chi, and certain kinds of dance, combined with some basic self-defense principles, along with a philosophy of non-violence and conflict resolution.

 This kind of body work can be very liberating, I know Stef has talked about this, and I have found it to be the case myself.  Connecting to your own body and physicality, brings you into the present moment, and can be very joyful and emotional.  It may facilitate self-knowledge, if so, that's great.  But it is a complement, not a substitute for the kind of work that is generally referred to as self-knowledge in philosophy and psychology.  Your comment about "lesser-note" and "typical childhood" in reference to being hit as a child, signifies that you still have some work to do in connecting with your experience and your body.  It is my understanding that the pain that you would have experienced from these assaults is STILL there, in your body, your brain, your nerves and your bones.  So while this physical exercise may be important to your growth, I would think it unwise to imagine that you can ignore this pain and instead refer to a physical exercise as self-knowledge.

1. I would mostly agree that Aikido tends towards hippy dippy spiritual mumbo jumbo. Aikido is in fact a devestatingly effective combat art derived from the multiple samurai arts Ueshiba studied throughout his life (largely motivated by violent early childhood and young adult experiences.) I think it could be argued that Aikido is mostly a "tonning down" of Daito Ryu Aikijutsu taught to Ueshiba by Sokaku Takeda.

 

Politically speaking, the Aikikai in Hombu Japan (Aikido world HQ) is taking the spiritual new agey nonsense a bit literally, and the word has been coming down from the top to stop weapons training. Aikido is NOT an empty handed martial art.

 

This is important so it gets its own isolated sentence.

 

Aikido is a weapons based, multiple attacker oriented martial art.

 

That being said, when you have a lot of Aikidoka who do not understand that empty handed Yokomenuchi is actually simulating a diagonal knife attack... Well, it does start to look like hippies dancing in their pajamas. So, what you say is not entirely untrue. My counter argument would be that, "what ever they're doing, if there isn't a Bokken (wooden sword), a Jo (short wooden stick), a Tanto (knife, generally wooden), and a Yari (spear) involved then it is NOT Aikido."

 

2. I never meant to suggest that Aikido was a substitute for philosophy. Indeed, a rational philosophy is HIGHLY necessary when training in Aikido specifically because its own philosophy is so internally inconsistent and because Osensei was something of a hypocrite. Many Aikidoka treat Osensei like "Jesus with a samurai sword" lol, and the man just doesn't live up to the new agey legend. Its almost like they've never even read his book Budo, circa 1930's. In it, one will find a RADICALLY different fighting system and philosophy from what he espoused later in his older age.

 

Make no mistake, Osensei was a hard man that softened, perhaps due to wisdom, as he aged. He... EVENTUALLY... espoused a philosophy of compassion and of training compassion with Aikido, but he most certainly did not start that way.

 

3. That the trauma is in the body.. Excellent point! I had been wondering how I was going to express this idea in words, but since you and another poster touched in this, I think it will be much easier to discuss. I have much more to say on this topic, but I am preoccupied at the moment and do not have the time for such lengthy writing, but I will come back to this.

[Zelenn]

Not to cast a dispersion on the discipline of TKD in general, but not all instructors are following the fundamentals. They are just words displayed on the wall and as far as I've seen (I've sat in on four or five sessions.) never discuss the concepts with the children in the class. The class my brother and sister go to is run by a couple, but the man is verbally abusive to the children when he's the scheduled instructor. He singles out the least capable children and shames them, often yelling, intimidating, or insulting them. It doesn't surprise me why my father allows them to go to this class. These are the real fundamentals parents want to teach their children.

 

What the heck is an indominable spirit?

 

Why can't martial arts just be about practicing ethical self-defense? It's horrible that instructors feel they need to sprinkle in a hodge-podge of Eastern Asian philosophy in order to sound legitimate. We're talking about some of least philosophic societies on the planet, and these values are used to influence children.

I know nothing about TKD, so I can't comment on it. But I can say this. I agree completely that Eastern Philosophy really ought to be kept out. I said in another post that a rational philosophy is highly necessary to navigate the usually very murky waters of a martial art cultivated in Shinto philosophy (if you can call Shinto a philosophy, its basically culturally enforced Animism.)

 

What Aikido has going for it, philosophically, is that the NAP is basically at its root. It is an art which expressly focuses on training to the point where, martially, you can be victorious while doing the least amount of damage possible. This is not to say that Aikido is incapable of doing damage only that the goal of an Aikidoka is to minimize damage and lessen violence, while in boxing for example, emphasis is placed on doing massive damage and anger is considered helpful to facilitate this.

 

Aikido would never recommend fighting in anger and what makes Aikido well suited as a form of "physical introspection" is what we call the "internal practice." Being aware of ones emotions and the intention one is expressing through the art.

 

A story.

 

I was on the mat with a friend of mine and he was much more experienced than I. We were training Randori (chaotic technique/ grabbing) and during our training it was obvious that he was better and that my techniques were failing and that I was trying too hard to "force" the Kotegaeishi, or the Sankkyo, instead of being fluid and receptive and sensitive to his movement and doing whatever was necessitated by his own actions.

 

(Let me say this, YOU don't do Aikido. Your opponent does Aikido to himself and you merely facilitate your opponent's hurting himself with his own anger. You evade his Tsuki and place your hand on his, and when he circles around to attack, he "does" Kotegaeishi to himself.)

 

I became very frustrated by my lack of skill and envious of his skill. Well, I went in for a Shomenuchi and he beautifully countered with Ikkyo. However, fueled by anger and jealousy, I did not "let" Ikkyo happen. I rolled out of it and kicking my legs off the ground I launched a devastating double kick to his face. In a split second I saw my friends face of fear as he recognized what was occuring and in that moment I was horrified at my own behavior. Right as my feet were about to strike him in the face, I parted my legs and my feet glided past either side of his head. We both sat there on the mat looking at each other and we both knew that I had, "A violent intention in my feet." This opened up the opportunity for conversation about my emotions and internal state and feelings of helplessness in the face if his skill.

 

If that is not self knowledge, I'm not sure what is.

 

Ya know, we watch old kung fun movies where the old master says something like, "You had a murderous intention in your blade," and we think that's nonsense, but its a very apt appreciation of how internal states of mind and emotion may be expressed and communicated through the movement.

 

 

Something to think about.

what is wrong with anger?  Looks to me like you have good reasons to be angry.  Do you generally not feel calm outside of your Aikido practice?  Since the title says contained the words "self knowledge" I thought I would ask.    

 

I too grew up being bullied, and being a bully too sometimes.  I took up martial arts because violence was part of my upbringing and I wanted to be better than other people at it so I could defend myself better - spent years developing my skills.  I stayed away from the more esoteric and 'philosophical' disciplines and the styles like Aikido (tried it briefly) and classes that focused mostly on forms and went straight to the sparring, combat oriented schools.  I even got into full contact for a short time until I found out I didn't mind knocking people over with kick to the head but I didn't care much for getting thumped myself.  

 

I heard a lot of the rhetoric around the focus on self discipline and character building and the like, and the fitness side of it, I even preached it myself from time to time.  I am naturally quite athletic and always have been physically active in sports.  Still, I don't think I would have been drawn to martial arts, esp as a method for achieving self knowledge, if I had not had a traumatic childhood.  

 

That was a long time ago for me and I haven't had an urge to go back to the practice for any reason.

 

I must apologize. I never meant to give the impression that I am not calm "off the mat." I have emotions that require introspection, same as anybody I suppose, but I do not walk around holding anger and then release it in some dudes face via a boot to the head.

 

There is nothing wrong with anger. Only, it is not good to dwell on it. Deal with it yes, go to therapy yes, sit around and brood about negative things all day... not healthy methinks. Sometimes, anger is an entirely appropriate response. Anger is not bad. It is an important emotion, like all emotions. It can be a great indictor saying, "Look here."

 

I would agree that a traumatic childhood is "probably" a prerequisite for martial arts training. I can't see a reason why someone would train in a fighting art if they feel they have no need for fighting.

 

That being said however, Aikido's martial applications are entirely beside the point for me, and were irrelevant to my decision to take up Aikido. I don't get in fights anymore. Hell, I haven't been in a "real" act of violence since I started a bar brawl in Singapore. And I didn't even stay to fight it! Lol. Shore patrol was coming, I got outta there quick.

 

I can see why someone might take up Aikido without a traumatic childhood. Its very simple. It is ALL SMILES in my dojo. Men, women, kids... not a frown to be seen, usually. Boxing generally train with a scowl, Karate is very blocky, hard and crushing, BJJ is... a can of ass whopping. Aikido, is the complete and exact opposite of those arts, excepting advanced students of Aikido or students who have a healthy and serious appreciation for Aikido as a topic of study. I'm the latter. With these two specimens, training is more than just "that thing you do on Wednesday nights," and training becomes an investigation of attention, focus, movement, resisting mental distraction, timing, spacing, the emotional quality of ones technique, what ones Ukemi (basically falling) skills say about their internal state, and feeling into your training partner by directing ones attention to the Kinesthetic sense... Etc

 

Aikido can be an excellent way to cultivate empathy and a sense of connection with your training partner. There is even such a concept in Aikido as, "The Connection." We talk about it constantly. "Maintain your connection. Extend into your partner. Don't let your connection collapse. Etc etc." Aikido is even referred to sometimes as a "conversation."

 

There's a lot of good things to be explored here.

I'm a Nidan in Aikido from a very interesting school. I don't like to brag about it, but I can't shake the knowledge of my experience that I've never seen another Aikido school that was even remotely as good as where I trained. I have to mention this because most Aikido I've seen outside of my school and delineations of it have absolutely sucked. The core principles I learned at this school (drilled into me the first day I was on the mat) are almost completely void in any other dojo I've trained at, exceptions sometimes being made for the teacher and possibly his senior student.

 

Our school is so radically different that I (and I'm sure most of the other students there) have at one point scratched our heads and said, "Are we really the only ones doing this right? Or are we just doing something else and Aikido is an entirely different art from what we're doing?" When I read the core principles laid out by O'Sensei (the guy who founded it), I think we follow them quite closely. This only adds to my confusion.

 

I stated that because I want to be clear that when I say Aikido, I mean something a bit different from what you're going to find at your nearest Aikido dojo.

 

Training in Aikido is what threw me full-blown into journey of self-knowledge. It shattered my personality onto the concrete and built me up again. It made me discover my awareness, my presence, my importance, and ultimately my voice (although this had more to do with the Shinto rituals associated with the Aikido than the training itself). I understand those terms are vague, but I don't think I can properly communicate what I want to by just saying, "I learned to stand up straight and look people in the eye." With it I was able to train the will to do things which terrified me. I also learned how much more control I have over my own body (especially in terms of sympathetic and parasympathetic systems) than most people believe is possible.

 

That is to say, it was probably the most important event that ever happened in my life.

 

However, as a tool of self-knowledge, it is very dangerous. It does not provide a moral roadmap, as much as the "spiritual teachings" seem to imply. The ideology that comes with Aikido (and virtually any martial art) is entrenched in hierarchical bullshit, which is particularly nasty as it's of Japanese variety. The hierarchical command structure is in direct contrast to its own teachings, many of which derive from an off-shoot of Shinto called Omoto-kyo, which preaches a universal "everyone's right so don't judge anyone" attitude. In fact, it can be easily argued that Aikido is simply a Shinto exercise (I believe this is the case), and Shinto openly proclaims not to be there to deal with moral matters.

 

Aikido is a great engine for self-knowledge, which is to say it can create great power to apply to self-knowledge, but it does not make a good driver. The simple fact of the matter is that past trauma takes residence physically in your body, generally in the form of tension. You cannot do Aikido with any sort of level of effectiveness while being tense, and the training works to release these tensions. This in turn forces your mind to deal with the drama associated with that tension. However, you never learn WHY that tension was there. You just simply "get over it" and it bugs you less in the future. Real self-knowledge requires philosophy, which Aikido is not.

 

May you have good training.

 

^^^This.^^^

 

I understand your inability to communicate Aikido. So often Aikido boils down to, "Dude, grab my wrist SO I can show you what I mean." Aikido is a Kinesthetic experience.

 

I am interested in your training. Was it a ronin dojo or affiliated with the Aikikai? I've recently moved to Florida and am excited to train in a dojo founded by Saotome Sensei. I spent some time in Santa Cruz and got to grab Linda Holiday Sensei, Yoshi Shibata Sensei, and Glenn Kimoto Sensei. Ironically, America seems to have a better Aikido scene than Japan where it originated. :-)

 

I don't have much to add. Since I agree with you, there's not much to say other than, "Yup." Lol.

 

I would like to emphasize that my studies of Japan as a culture, through my Aikido training, make me REALLY glad, that I am not Japanese. No disrespect to the Japanese, many of my favorite things come from there, but Japan is a HOTBED of irrationality and it is important to be aware of the cultural indoctrination that can come on a little strong in Aikido.

 

Osense was an amazing martial artist and a seeker of knowledge, going unfortunately to the sources available to him, Shinto and Zen preeminently, so it is important to be aware that Aiki philosophy is founded upon Omotokyo nonsense. Osenei was taken in by that charlatan Onisaburo and much of the hippy new ageyness he espoused comes from there.

 

2. Yes, Aikido is NOT am form of self knowledge, not entirely. Therapy and philosophy are definitely required to work through issues of abuse.

 

3. I'm glad you mentioned trauma being "in" the body. Aikido has sparked a passion in me to explore what I call, "the Kinesthetic dimension of experience." That's a fancy way of saying, "explore my body's sensory experience and notice what I do in fact notice. I have noticed through my training that there are aspects of my physical body that I had ceased to really notice or connect with mentally, most likely due to abuse. Training requires me to use " all of myself" and so, my awareness of my body has been "reincluding" aspects of my body that I had stopped noticing. And emotions come up and then I use philosophy to explore them. I have much more to say on this and am highly interested in massage therapy, not for any effects it might have of the body, but for its seemingly well documented effects on depression and anxiety. I am wondering if there is something to be said for using the body to process information, a kind of Kinesthetic intelligence. It seems to me that there is ALOT of intelligence from the "neck down."

[J. D. Stembal]

Zelenn,

 

Thanks for the stories. They were insightful. I would like any disciple that endorses the non-aggression principle.

 

I apologize if I came off as annoyed with martial arts. I wanted to try out martial arts as a kid, but I don't think my parents wanted to pay for it as I had been golfing since I was six or seven, which is not a cheap sport. In college, I took a semester of Judo, which was fun to learn, but I despised the instructor who was a morbidly obese Olympic Judo has-been. He typically chose me to demonstrate moves. One day, he had me in some sort of head lock/arm bar and I was forced to breathe from his armpit for at least five minutes. I had to go to my happy place to endure his smell. He also nagged me about my hair length, saying that in a tournament, my opponent would be well within his right to tear my hear out to win the match, as if I was eager to compete at that level. I just wanted to learn the moves and have fun sparring. He never picked on any of the women in the class for having long hair.

 

I am turned off by martial arts in general. As with anything, you have to search far and wide to get a good instructor.

[powder]

Zelenn,

 

Thanks for the stories. They were insightful. I would like any disciple that endorses the non-aggression principle.

 

I apologize if I came off as annoyed with martial arts. I wanted to try out martial arts as a kid, but I don't think my parents wanted to pay for it as I had been golfing since I was six or seven, which is not a cheap sport. In college, I took a semester of Judo, which was fun to learn, but I despised the instructor who was a morbidly obese Olympic Judo has-been. He typically chose me to demonstrate moves. One day, he had me in some sort of head lock/arm bar and I was forced to breathe from his armpit for at least five minutes. I had to go to my happy place to endure his smell. He also nagged me about my hair length, saying that in a tournament, my opponent would be well within his right to tear my hear out to win the match, as if I was eager to compete at that level. I just wanted to learn the moves and have fun sparring. He never picked on any of the women in the class for having long hair.

 

I am turned off by martial arts in general. As with anything, you have to search far and wide to get a good instructor.

I have always found that a thing is only as good as the person who is leading it.  If you find a good instructor, that is everything.  

 

I had to laugh about the story of your fat instructor.  One of the reasons I took up marital arts was for this reason.  I grew up getting smothered by assailants who were bigger and stronger than me (older brothers included), I was always small and light as a kid.  I would get panicky and freaked out if I was held down and smothered in the way you describe.  That is why I preferred Karate to Judo, I wanted to be able to kick and punch my way out of these situations.  Man, I had a violent childhood.  

 

thanks for sharing your stories and perspectives on this subject Zelenn.  

[dsayers]

 

1. I am very well aware that my childhood was not typical. I was being facetious.

 

I understood that. That was the point I was trying to make. I don't think that parents endangering their children, regardless of how much can be chalked up to negligence, should be taken so lightly. Which isn't binding upon you, but processing emotions regarding abuse is a huge claim. I would hate for anybody to be walking around thinking they're all caught up when there's still unprocessed trauma.

 

2. The spankings are significantly lesser in magnitude and occurrence. Happened maybe three times in total and both parents would explain why they were doing this. I know that doesn't make it any better, but there is a HUGE difference between spanking your kid because you think you are doing what's right and engaging in conscious, willful evil. My parents are not bad people, they're just "really limited." They allowed "experts" to tell them how to raise their kids. The church said, "spare the rod, spoil the child" so my parents spanked us (which is NOT what that verse means.) The school said, "He needs Ritalin." So, I got a good dose of that too. Again, my parents are not evil, they're weak and easily swayed. Regarding the babysitter abuse, it happened only twice and when my father discovered the markings on my legs, he was the cop that arrested the whole crew in that daycare center. Again, a big difference between an error of evil and an error of knowledge. My parents and I have worked through these things, I did have a period where I was VERY upset about my childhood, but I've largely dealt with it.

 

If that last sentence is true, then I am truly happy for you and the efforts your parents have made. However, some of the language that you use suggests that you haven't ENTIRELY dealt with it. For example, error of knowledge? One of my favorite cliches is "never gamble that which you cannot afford to lose." Why wouldn't a thorough investigation of how your safety would be provided for be a deal breaker for leaving you in daycare? Why were you being left with strangers instead of in the care that had the ultimate invested interest in your survival and care? Is being "weak and easily swayed" an excuse for being so cavalier with a human life? How different history might've been if Hitler had been abused to such an extent. You say school said you needed Ritalin, but who put you in that school? Who exposed you to personality-altering drugs in lieu of listening to you and valuing your experience? Didn't you just make a very profound (and rightly so) defense of your experience to me? Why not to them?

 

3. Not sure what the sister comment is about. I only said she was present in that baby sitter abuse, nothing else. My sister never assaulted me, nor did I say that. Not sure what to make of this.

 

My sincerest apology. For whatever reason, I thought I had read that your baby sitter had beaten you and that your sister had used a switch on you. Looking back, I see that's not at all what you said. How embarrassing!

 

4. Knife fights happened outside of school "on the block." I had so much (legitimate) anger as a child, that I caused a lot of my own problems. My mouth got me in serious trouble. This may be cliché, but "My ego was writing checks, my body couldn't cash." :-) I wouldn't tolerate disrespect, even though I was half the size of other kids, and thus it was actually I who threw the first punch.

 

Okay, but why? Are you saying that your personality doesn't at all accrue to the parents that brought you into this world a virtually blank slate?

 

Again, I accept that I don't know all the details of what you and your parents did to work it all out. I may be covering things you've long since dealt with. All I can say for sure is that your language suggests you haven't and we talk how we think.

 

All that said, I must say that I DO believe you've made fantastic strides in self-knowledge. The assertive (not aggressive) manner in which you've interacted with me tells me so. Thank you very much as it is always a pleasure to interact with somebody who possesses self-knowledge

[DCLugi]

I was pretty heavy into martial arts for a long time for a few reasons. I realized after some self searching that it was a way for me to control violence that was otherwise out of my control as a child. I did find that some of what Bruce Lee said inspired me to question things. Lee was a big proponent of individual over style or system and to not get lost in the mystical illusion that casts a fog on simple truths. Just as Stef upsets the folks who cling to their political or religious doctrine Lee ruffled the feathers of many traditional martial arts teachers.

[Zelenn]

I apologize for any confusion in posts. I meant to respond to each of you in kind in a single post, but apparently, most of you got rolled up into one post. If you feel offended or confused, please ask a question first. Lol. I'm probably NOT issuing the confusing statement as a response to you.

 

Zelenn,

 

Thanks for the stories. They were insightful. I would like any disciple that endorses the non-aggression principle.

 

I apologize if I came off as annoyed with martial arts. I wanted to try out martial arts as a kid, but I don't think my parents wanted to pay for it as I had been golfing since I was six or seven, which is not a cheap sport. In college, I took a semester of Judo, which was fun to learn, but I despised the instructor who was a morbidly obese Olympic Judo has-been. He typically chose me to demonstrate moves. One day, he had me in some sort of head lock/arm bar and I was forced to breathe from his armpit for at least five minutes. I had to go to my happy place to endure his smell. He also nagged me about my hair length, saying that in a tournament, my opponent would be well within his right to tear my hear out to win the match, as if I was eager to compete at that level. I just wanted to learn the moves and have fun sparring. He never picked on any of the women in the class for having long hair.

 

I am turned off by martial arts in general. As with anything, you have to search far and wide to get a good instructor.

Its cool. I actually agree with you mostly.

 

I had to laugh at your story, i've been there. I once trained with this guy who sweated BUCKETS. I never understood that. Ive never sweat like that. Lol.

 

And hey, all that is Aiki is certainly not gold either. LOTS of nonsense in Aikido, as I alluded to. Martial arts is not for everyone, but neither ballroom dancing or computer programming. How great is the free market?! Diversification of labor AND interests!

 

You know I love it.

 

:-)

[Zelenn]

I understood that. That was the point I was trying to make. I don't think that parents endangering their children, regardless of how much can be chalked up to negligence, should be taken so lightly. Which isn't binding upon you, but processing emotions regarding abuse is a huge claim. I would hate for anybody to be walking around thinking they're all caught up when there's still unprocessed trauma.

 

 

 

If that last sentence is true, then I am truly happy for you and the efforts your parents have made. However, some of the language that you use suggests that you haven't ENTIRELY dealt with it. For example, error of knowledge? One of my favorite cliches is "never gamble that which you cannot afford to lose." Why wouldn't a thorough investigation of how your safety would be provided for be a deal breaker for leaving you in daycare? Why were you being left with strangers instead of in the care that had the ultimate invested interest in your survival and care? Is being "weak and easily swayed" an excuse for being so cavalier with a human life? How different history might've been if Hitler had been abused to such an extent. You say school said you needed Ritalin, but who put you in that school? Who exposed you to personality-altering drugs in lieu of listening to you and valuing your experience? Didn't you just make a very profound (and rightly so) defense of your experience to me? Why not to them?

 

 

 

 

My sincerest apology. For whatever reason, I thought I had read that your baby sitter had beaten you and that your sister had used a switch on you. Looking back, I see that's not at all what you said. How embarrassing!

 

 

 

Okay, but why? Are you saying that your personality doesn't at all accrue to the parents that brought you into this world a virtually blank slate?

 

Again, I accept that I don't know all the details of what you and your parents did to work it all out. I may be covering things you've long since dealt with. All I can say for sure is that your language suggests you haven't and we talk how we think.

 

All that said, I must say that I DO believe you've made fantastic strides in self-knowledge. The assertive (not aggressive) manner in which you've interacted with me tells me so. Thank you very much as it is always a pleasure to interact with somebody who possesses self-knowledge

Wow. I apologize for the delayed response. I totally just saw this.

 

You are correct. I have "largely" dealt with it, but not completely. But you should have seen where I started. :-) Mostly, I have dealt with it on "my end." I have pursued self knowledge, studied logic, I'm in therapy, trained my body (which sends self esteem through the roof! Lol). I have processed what has happend to me and I understand the forces that shaped my early life experiences. Having this knowledge has brought me to a place where I feel like I actually have free will. I'm no longer "running on autopilot."

 

I am at a point where I have realized that my parents aren't interested in self knowledge or speaking about the past anymore. I am aware that this brings up much pain for my parents as they were both abused by their own parents AND siblings and they'd rather not talk about it. We spoke about many issues and they apologized for much of the harm that came to me that they directly caused (spankings, not validating my experiences, pressuring me to do well in school etc.)

 

I'm now at 26, trying to forumlate the questions and arguments regarding the "indirect" harm that resulted. Its a hell of a thing to tell your mother, "Leaving me in that daycare was wrong and you did it, and you bear moral responsibility for it even though others did the physical hurting."

 

Its a bit difficult to make that accusation without a solid understanding of the argument. I'm struggling to understand how I can hold my parents responsible for not being more intelligent than they were. For that matter, how do we deal with people in our lives who don't seem to be "strong enough" to handle philosophy? Disassociating with family who "can't handle truth," seems rather callous, after all, they're not evil, just weak and easily distracted by petty things. Demanding that people read and journal about Aristotle, disect Kant's Critique of Pure Reason and explain concept formation vis a vis Rand, while naming the logical fallacies... "or I'll leave you"... Seems a bit much to me.

 

There are so many people in our lives that are completely addicted to Statism, literally addicted. Employers, family, my therapist, etc. They're good hearted (they think), but just don't fully understand the ramifications of "taxing the rich" or the ethical implications of "another military base," etc. And most of them don't seem to have the EMOTIONAL capacity to understand. The arguments aren't difficult to understand intellectually, but accepting them emotionally is terrifying and most people simply don't have the strength to face the reality of "Taxation is violence," or "Patriarchy is nonsense."

 

My parents are the prototypical, "Wake up, work, watch TV, sleep," kind of people. They complain about everything and resist intrustions into their "stable routine." I feel like I am disarming a bomb at times. If I bring up the right subject, at the wrong time, in the wrong emotional climate... Boom! A nuclear blast on my family relations. I'm not ready to disassociate with them.

 

And my parents ARE trying to have a relationship with me. My father and I kayak together a few times a week, we work together at times glazing hams. My mother and I cook some times and have "deep" conversations. Unfortunately, my parents would rather do ANYTHING but talk about my childhood. They want to build a new relationship without discussing the ongoing one.

 

Thank you so much for the compliment. It means a lot to have someone understand the effort it took to get where I am.

[Stoic_Dreamer]

I don't know whether or not my perspective on the question will be helpful as it mirrors parts of the others, but hopefully something is useful/unique.  As children my little sister and I were forced to take Aikido for about 5 years.  Despite the involuntary nature of my training it was not something I absolutely hated, and in practical terms it has been very useful in avoiding serious bodily injury (a fall that should have broken my neck became a forward roll with a couple of scabs/bruises).  I have limited knowledge of the other schools, but the fundamental difference between Aikido and any other martial art is that it is specifically centered around not hurting people or being hurt yourself. You aren't shattering their bones with a hammerfist or bruce leeing them in the face. You dodge aggression, use momentum, and all of the holds can be accomplished without any significant damage occurring/minimal discomfort to your attacker if you so choose.  Theoretically if you wanted to be a total dick you could let someone seriously hurt themselves, but it isn't part of your training/it's highly discouraged.

 

I don't know if it's true for you (but it is certainly true for me as a victim of what seems at times like a history of almost overwhelming abuse) that it is difficult to keep your mind, emotions, and body connected/all communicating with each other. I think that experience of being fully in your body, aware of what emotions arise, and being able to express/release it all physically is what you were describing as self-knowledge.  I don't mean to put words in your mouth- totally correct me if I'm way off base.  As for myself I'm a brain in a world of bodies, and I think I miss quite a bit of the full "human experience" because of it.  When I am able to escape the prison of my mind and feel the power flow into my limbs, not merely having my body obey me but be a part of me, I feel a sense of connection to the world, to myself, to others.  In those moments my body is no longer an instrument used to torture me but a tool for liberation.  That doesn't mean that the emotions that arise are always "positive" but it does heighten my awareness of them.

 

This to me is not self-knowledge, but rather experiencing parts of the spectrum that I rarely am able to connect to because I live in my head/intellectualize the shit out of everything.  It feels like a total revelation, but in reality it is just a physical release of pent-up emotions that were there but not truly felt.  To me self-knowledge is a rigorous pursuit of the historical truth and a serious examination/understanding of your character, motivations, and a realistic/honest assessment of your abilities/limitations.  Physical awareness/emotional release is not unimportant in that, but it is not the thing itself... if that makes any sense?

 

Anyway just a few of my thoughts on the post.  The "Go play Squash" meme/cliche that kind of cycles around the community (although somewhat annoying/flippant) is kinda relevant here.  There isn't anything inherently wrong/immoral with Aikido, but those with a history of abuse might want to avoid the more martial aspects of physicality.  It's totally your call- if you can't imagine anything else giving you what you feel is important in understanding your emotions, then I would say keep with it.  For myself I've found dozens of things that can trigger it for me- lifting, running, sex (sometimes), and a personal amusement- dance.  Don't knock it until you try it- I've taken a couple of courses and rarely I'll go dancing in the old prohibition club/cave near me.  Martial arts and some sports (football, tennis, squash, rugby, etc) fire the wrong parts of my brain and are difficult due to the severity of past injuries, so I have to find alternatives.  Luckily most of the physical realm is an alternative.  

 

Hopefully you found something in that long ramble useful.  Take what you want and leave the rest.

[dsayers]

@Zelenn: And I've only just noticed this. Sorry for my own delayed reply.

 

To be clear, I never said to you that you should cut off your parents. I do think that living our values is the only way to effect change in the world. Until it is unfashionable to support/enact aggression, many will continue to do so out of momentum to fit in.

 

I'm struggling to understand how I can hold my parents responsible for not being more intelligent than they were.

 

Were we talking about lacking intelligence? I thought we were talking about negligence and recklessness.

 

Disassociating with family who "can't handle truth," seems rather callous, after all, they're not evil, just weak and easily distracted by petty things...

 

My parents are the prototypical, "Wake up, work, watch TV, sleep," kind of people. They complain about everything and resist intrustions into their "stable routine." I feel like I am disarming a bomb at times. If I bring up the right subject, at the wrong time, in the wrong emotional climate... Boom! A nuclear blast on my family relations. I'm not ready to disassociate with them.

And my parents ARE trying to have a relationship with me.

 

This seems like multiple contradictions to me. You'd rather walk through a mine field than be happy. People who make you feel like you're disarming a bomb are trying to have a relationship with you. People who make you feel like you're disarming a bomb are just weak and easily distracted by petty things. Weakness and being easily distracted by petty things are valid reasons to reject the truth.

 

You can't plan every last detail of your day/life. If something goes not according to plan, you can't punish those in proximity for it. You say they've apologized for (among other things) invalidating your experiences. But if you're seeking the truth and they reject this very simple fact of life, are they not continuing to invalidate your experience? If they behave in such a way as to motivate you to edit yourself for their comfort, are they not only invalidating your experience, but erasing you inside their own minds? When you say apologize, are you just talking about words or did they display genuine remorse and drive to make it up to you?

 

I am at a point where I have realized that my parents aren't interested in self knowledge or speaking about the past anymore. I am aware that this brings up much pain for my parents as they were both abused by their own parents AND siblings and they'd rather not talk about it.

 

Are you sure you're not projecting here? I've given you credit for demonstrating you possess self-knowledge. I think you have a large blind spot with regards to your parents specifically. What about the pain you've experienced? If that's something you want to talk about and something they don't want to talk about, why are their preferences paramount while yours cannot be approached?

[Mothra]

Not to cast a dispersion on the discipline of TKD in general, but not all instructors are following the fundamentals. They are just words displayed on the wall and as far as I've seen (I've sat in on four or five sessions.) never discuss the concepts with the children in the class. The class my brother and sister go to is run by a couple, but the man is verbally abusive to the children when he's the scheduled instructor. He singles out the least capable children and shames them, often yelling, intimidating, or insulting them. It doesn't surprise me why my father allows them to go to this class. These are the real fundamentals parents want to teach their children.

 

What the heck is an indominable spirit?

 

Why can't martial arts just be about practicing ethical self-defense? It's horrible that instructors feel they need to sprinkle in a hodge-podge of Eastern Asian philosophy in order to sound legitimate. We're talking about some of least philosophic societies on the planet, and these values are used to influence children.

 

My daughter took TKD for a couple of years during elementary school. I never saw any yelling or insulting, but it seemed like a giant scam playing up on this Asian philosophy and discipline thing. They mostly played dodgeball and stretched and learned their little forms. And then every couple of months they'd charge an extra 40 bucks to have "testing" which required you to sit there and watch everybody else's kid for 3 hours so they could earn their new belt. And fairly often the kids didn't even do the forms correctly, but of course still earned the belt. To me, that negated the very idea of discipline. They recited those same words at the end of class in an almost army drill-like manner. It always creeped me out. Needless to say we quit going.

[J. D. Stembal]

My daughter took TKD for a couple of years during elementary school. I never saw any yelling or insulting, but it seemed like a giant scam playing up on this Asian philosophy and discipline thing. They mostly played dodgeball and stretched and learned their little forms. And then every couple of months they'd charge an extra 40 bucks to have "testing" which required you to sit there and watch everybody else's kid for 3 hours so they could earn their new belt. And fairly often the kids didn't even do the forms correctly, but of course still earned the belt. To me, that negated the very idea of discipline. They recited those same words at the end of class in an almost army drill-like manner. It always creeped me out. Needless to say we quit going.

 

I'm not sure about the philosophy and the credentials of the instructors in this instance, but in the case of the class my brother and sister attend, both teachers are former Olympic contenders in TKD, so they take it very seriously and there is no atmosphere of fun or play like what you mentioned. Perhaps you could strike a balance between the two and have a great atmosphere for learning.

 

I've watched by brother and sister do their belt forms while the instructor and teenage assistant identify and correct problems in the forms. They also have agility and footwork conditioning exercises with ladders. This is where the most yelling and cajoling occurs with the male instructor. He sounds precisely like a drill sergeant. They also do sparing exercises where the student who scores the first point wins and faces the next contender, often staying in the ring for a while if they are one of the better students. Most of the kids seem to like the sparring, but others will just cower or run out of the ring. It doesn't look very violent on the face of it, but perhaps some of the kids in the class have negative reactions to violence because they experience it in the home.

 

My concern over the TKD enrollment is that I believe my siblings are acting out violence that their mother has instilled in them for years. I've mentioned it before, but nine months ago I caught their mother belting my brother before bed while my sister watched. It really pissed me off and I credit this as my moment of awakening to self-knowledge.

 

My father used several excuses for his wife, including cultural relativism, when I protested the abuse. Both children were raised in Thailand when they were very young. My sister was very sick for a while as well, and I'm not certain of the circumstances. I suspect neglect in involved.

 

Dad told me he put a stop to the corporal punishments, but I don't trust him for obvious reasons that I won't go into now..I'm sure there are other forms of abuse being used when I'm not around including yelling and ultimatums, which occurred in my childhood. Over the holidays, I cut off all contact with every member of my family because I didn't want my parents to use my brother and sister as emotional hostages to manipulate me or others, which they have tried to do on a couple of occasions, subtly and overtly. This is the trial separation while I explore my internal family.

 

Stepping in and shaming the abuse made me a target. I didn't think about it at the time, but my dad told me that he didn't realize that I cared so much about my brother and sister. Why should I care just because they are family? I didn't choose them as siblings. In fact, I didn't even know my brother existed until he was 18 months old. The reason I spoke out about the belt is because seeing two children harmed made me see that I was also harmed. It's not that I love my bother and sister, but that I don't want to see any children subjected to parental coercion. I explained my emotions to him, but I don't think he really heard me. It's all just an emotional mess where my father attacks when cornered and my mother drinks, hides her emotions and forgets.

 

It's a toxic environment, and I told him so.

 

Of course, it's not that Tae Kwon Do class is causing the strife. The class is just one symptom which illustrates the disease to me. I believe in the legitimacy of ethical self-defense, so saying that TKD causes kids to be violent bullies is like saying that guns kill people.

[Forknight]

I don't think it's a path to self-knowledge.  As a person who does bjj, I do think it's obviously a great workout, it helps strengthen the body-mind connection, improve balance and reaction time.  When your angry it can help blow off some steam through sheer exhaustion.  It also lends itself to a sense of power and control, however illusory it may be, that people who have felt powerless in the past find very attractive.  I think that, as well as the surrounding mythology, are the main reasons why so many people believe that it is a path to self-knowledge.  Unfortunately, the types of self-knowledge you get from learning how to fight don't really apply to many other peaceful applications in life.  You'll learn how far you can push yourself and how much punishment you'll take before you scream in pain and submit.  You'll learn how to harm or neutralize another person in the way that is easiest for you,  The real important stuff comes from hours of digging intensely within yourself in a safe place where you can be totally honest.  I would not say that the gym is one of those place since people are there to learn technique, not listen to you talk about your problems.

One valuable lesson you will learn though is that you are not the toughest.  If you have any misguided beliefs about that whatsoever, they will be dispelled almost immediately when you first train with someone who has an idea what to do.  Some people don't react well to the humbling, but they most likely are the type who shouldn't learn a hundred easy ways to cripple someone anyway, so it turns out to be a win that they don't end up coming back.  

[shades]

Martial arts can teach you a lot about yourself, and your personality, if you are paying attention to these things, have a

good mind-set and have decent instructors / school:

 

Life lessons you can take away :

 

1. You can develop your skills / physical ability way beyond what you thought were possible, breaking down the low-self esteem mindset.

2. You learn other people can hurt you if required... badly... you learn not to underestimate anyone, and you gain respect for others.

3. You learn there will ALWAYS be people with more, or less, ability than you. You learn to respect people of all abilities, for who they are.

4. You learn that power, whether physical or otherwise, requires control and restraint, and what is appropriate or not.

5. In gaining respect for others, you also learn to respect yourself. You realise respect comes from your actions, not by demanding it.

6. You learn important lessons about initiation of force. NAP fits in pretty well here.

7. You learn about self-awareness / situational awareness / self-knowledge.

8. You learn to get angry, then let it go.

9. You learn the benefits of self-discipline.

10. You learn about keeping an art-form alive in the present day.

11. You can learn relaxation techniques, how to care for your body, avoid and recover from injuries. (100% injury rate is common)

12. You can find people with similar interests and make new friends.

 

Now if you have a lousy school or instructor, as some people unfortunately do, you may learn none of these things, and actually set yourself up for a nasty set of experiences in life. If anything doesn't fit well with you, leave, and find a better school for your art.

 

If you go into martial arts with the wrong mind-set. ie. to kick-ass on your bullies etc. This is a poor place to come from. Get yourself happy and centered, before taking on a martial art, with no agenda other than to experience something new and interesting.

 

HTH.